(BOOMSTICK) Punching: the most useful language in the world when words fail. And these two lovely ladies are fluent in it.
(WIZ) Yang Xiao Long, the adventurous huntress from RWBY...
(BOOMSTICK) And Tifa Lockhart, the Final Fantasy heavy-hitter with enormous...power. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
(WIZ) And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a DEATH BATTLE.
(WIZ) The World of Remnant is...well, crazy.
Vicious creatures called "Grimm" run wild; entire cities have gone to waste; and every single weapon... is also a gun. Even nunchuks.
(BOOMSTICK) Ohh, that sounds like Disneyland to me--the happiest, most gun-filled place on Earth.
(WIZ) Luckily, the world is protected by the Huntsmen and Huntresses, an elite group of expertly-trained warriors.
(BOOMSTICK) And where else would you get the training to kill bloodthirsty monsters...than from high school?
(Yang) Oh, I can't believe my baby sister is going to Beacon with me! This is the best day EVER!
(RUBY) Please, stop...
(WIZ) After losing her mother to mysterious circumstances, and being trained all her life by her hero/legend of an uncle,
Yang Xiao Long was accepted into Beacon Academy.
(BOOMSTICK) It's kinda like Hogwarts, except replace wands and books with swords, sniper rifles, and giant transforming scythes.
Man, this place keeps getting better and better. Seriously, I know where I'm going to retire now.
(WIZ) A natural fighter and thrillseeker at heart, Yang fit right in and soon found herself a member of the color-coordinated Team RWBY,
led by her younger sister...Ruby.
(BOOMSTICK) Because that's not confusing at all...
(RUBY) I'm talking about kicking off the semester with a BANG!
(YANG) I always kick MY semesters off with a YANG! Eh? Guys? Am I right?
(BOOMSTICK) Anyway, Yang's time at Beacon was well-spent, and she became the master of punching all the things.
(WIZ) See, while Yang's fellow teammates wield a scythe, a couple swords, some big guns--Yang's style of combat takes a more...direct approach.
(BOOMSTICK) Yeah, she does--with her shotgun-gauntlets!
(WIZ) Her two golden bracelets aren't just stylish; they extend to form a weapon called the Ember Celica.
(BOOMSTICK) With just a punch, the Ember Celica fires off a flash of kinetic energy, blasting a foe with an explosion of force and a beautiful sound.
(YANG) I! HOPE! YOU'RE! HUN-GRY!
(BOOMSTICK) To top it off, these concussive blasts can fly several hundred feet!
Yang is one of the few people I know who can punch a bird out of the sky! That's what you get for crapping on my car!
(WIZ) In addition, like most Huntresses, Yang can manifest her soul as an Aura.
Aura can be used to block deadly attacks and heal minor wounds. And Yang's is no different.
(BOOMSTICK) But my favorite way she uses her Aura is when she goes Super Saiyan.
(WIZ) Many Hunters and Huntresses possess a Semblance, a special power unique to them
that makes Beacon Academy look a little more like the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters.
(BOOMSTICK) Yang's Semblance absorbs damage from hits she takes, adding them to her own physical power.
After taking just two attacks from a mech suit, she was strong enough to shatter the whole thing in one go.
(WIZ) Unfortunately, her Semblance does not increase her Aura's defense, so she feels the full force of everything that hits her Aura,
and can only absorb power so long as she remains conscious.
(BOOMSTICK) Luckily, she's pretty tough.
Yang survived a punch that easily smashed her through a concrete pillar. You know, the ones designed to hold up entire bridges?
(WIZ) And during a food fight--remember, this is high school--Yang was knocked up into the air and did not come back down for about 100 seconds.
More than enough time to reach terminal velocity. This means, upon landing, she took an impact of nearly fifty tons of force.
(BOOMSTICK) And stood right back up like it was nothing! Ah, what a waste of good food...
(WIZ) Despite this, Yang can only take so much.
Her Aura has a limit, as does her short temper. Pushing both of these too far leaves her extremely vulnerable.
(BOOMSTICK) Like when this ice-cream lady knocked her out because Yang had been fighting monsters all day with no sleep.
(WIZ) It's also worth noting Yang is less adaptable when fighting against foes specializing in kicks.
(BOOMSTICK) Still, she's confident she's one of the best in her class and dedicated to graduating Huntress School,
so she can travel the world fighting everyone just for the thrill of it.
(YANG) Alley-oop!
(enjoying herself)
Whoa-oh-oh... Whoo-hoo!
Oof... Nailed it!
(WIZ) Far to the west on the planet Gaia lies a small mountain village called Nibelheim.
At first glance, this town appears calm and peaceful, not worth a second look.
(BOOMSTICK) Until a sword-wielding Goth guy found his alien mother hidden inside. He celebrated with fireworks.
(WIZ) After losing her parents and watching the madman Sephiroth burn her hometown to ashes,
Tifa Lockhart joined AVALANCHE, a group dedicated to protecting the Planet from ecological harm...and Meteors.
(BOOMSTICK) Speakin' of Meteors, check out the size of the--
(WIZ) BOOMSTICK!
(BOOMSTICK) What?! I was talking about the Meteor!
(WIZ) Sure, you were.
(BOOMSTICK) Anyway, Tifa was thrust into the stereotypical gender-role of housekeeper by maintaining the hidden AVALANCHE homebase, 7th Heaven.
But it wasn't all bad, because it also doubled as a bar.
(WIZ) And she doubled as a bouncer.
(BOOMSTICK) Now, I've been thrown out of my fair share of bars for totally illegitimate reasons,
but not even I would urinate on the 7th Heaven jukebox with Tifa on guard.
(WIZ) Smart choice, since she is a master of close-quarters combat.
Tifa is a feint brawler, adept at surprising foes with quick, powerful strikes.
And as she traveled with her friend, Cloud, to save the Planet, she learned seven legendary techniques: the Limit Breaks.
(BOOMSTICK) Accessing her inner gambler, Tifa's Limit Breaks include rapid-fire punches, explosive throwdowns,
and summoning dolphins who uppercut people?! That's just awesome!
And if she manages to throw all of them in order, she charges the last of her Limit energy into one final, titanic punch: the Final Heaven!
F@&# you, squirrel!
(WIZ) Tifa is ready to throw down at a moment's notice, and even wears leather gloves everywhere she goes, just in case a fight comes her way.
(BOOMSTICK) And if she decides to get REALLY serious, Ms. Lockhart busts out her two round, beautiful Ultimate Weapons...
(WIZ) Don't you dare--
(BOOMSTICK) ...the Premium Heart!
(WIZ) Oh. Well...the Premium Heart increases Tifa's striking power immensely, and continues to do so over time as she builds Limit Energy.
However, they lose this increase after Tifa uses her Limit Breaks and need time to charge back up.
(BOOMSTICK) Oh, that sounds like it could be a problem...oh, if she didn't also have magic!
(WIZ) In Final Fantasy VII, there's a wide variety of magical ability-granting gems called Materia.
Any person can wield any Materia, and it's up to the game's actual player to decide who gets what, giving Tifa no standard Materia setup.
However, thanks to the Dissidia fighting series, we know Tifa prefers to carry Fire and Ice Materia into battle.
(BOOMSTICK) These Fire and Ice Materia let Tifa conjure and wield... fire and ice.
Combine that with her freakish, superhuman strength and she's like an unstoppable powerhouse.
(WIZ) Well, her immense power does come at a price; her skills in speed and defense are somewhat lacking, making her something of a glass cannon.
But, to help make up for this, Tifa wears two armor pieces. She wears a ribbon on her arm in memory of her late friend, Aerith.
(BOOMSTICK) *sniff* C'mon, man, don't bring that up!
(WIZ) ...Which protects her from negative effects, like poison and paralysis.
She also likely wears the Minerva Band to defend from fire and ice.
(BOOMSTICK) Glass cannon or not, her strength is ridiculous. She's strong enough to fight an embodiment of Sephiroth, and throw giant monsters around like nothing.
(WIZ) And there was the time she helped throw Cloud through the air to reach the flying monster, Bahamut SIN.
After leaving Tifa's hand, you can see a Mach cone form around Cloud, which means that Tifa must have helped throw him with enough force to break the sound barrier.
(BOOMSTICK) Oh, Cloud's a lightweight. C'mon, how hard can that be?
(WIZ) Well, factoring in the weight of Cloud and his giant weapon...
(BOOMSTICK) Heh...
(WIZ) He must've been thrown with up to 153 tons of force.
(BOOMSTICK) Well, $#*!, talk about power! You don't wanna mess with Tifa's strong, twin, firm...
(WIZ) Noooo...
(BOOMSTICK) ...fists.
Also, she's got a really nice rack. Did I mention that yet?
(TIFA) Feels like you're flying, doesn't it?
(TIDUS screams)
(WIZ) All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
(BOOMSTICK) It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
(BOUNCER) Hold up! Lemme see some ID.
(YANG) Hello! No need to panic, people; just looking for someone.
I WILL take a Strawberry Sunrise, though. No ice. Thanks!
(TIFA) Sorry, Miss. I think you'd better turn yourself around and look elsewhere.
(YANG) So... does this mean no Sunrise?
♪ Take a good look, got you sprung, got you hooked ♪
♪ If looks were a crime, I'd be the biggest crook ♪
♪ My sexy lips, dreamy eyes--look into my eyes ♪
♪ I've got you under my spell; I got you hypnotized ♪
♪ I'll make you my fool, my living footstool ♪
♪ I'm beauty; you're the beast ♪
(YANG) Having fun? I sure am! ♪ I'm the stallion; you're the mule ♪
(TIFA) Ugh, don't mock me! ♪ I'm looking so good from head to toe ♪
♪ I see you looking at me; your pants tell me so ♪
♪ I see you looking--you looking, looking, looking at me ♪
♪ I know you're wishing--you're wishing, wishing you could be me ♪
♪ Look in the mirror and tell me, tell me what do you see ♪
♪ So tell me, what do you see? ♪
♪ So when you looking at me? ♪
♪ Roll out the red carpet 'cuz the queen is here ♪
♪ And bow down before me ♪
(TIFA) All right, warm-up's over! ♪ And be of good cheer ♪
♪ Have my bath ready and my food prepared ♪
I'm gonna blow you out of the water! ♪ It's not my fault that you're ugly. Stay over there. ♪
♪ Say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all?" ♪
Take this! ♪ Me! Me! Me! Me! ♫
♪ Come at me and you'll see ♪
(TIFA) Had enough?
♪ I'm more than meets the eye ♪
♪ You think that you'll break me ♪
♪ You're gonna find in time ♪
(YANG) Not even close.
♪ You're standing too close to a flame that's burning ♪
♪ Hotter than the sun in the middle of July ♪
♪ Sending out your army, but you still can't win ♪
♪ Listen up, silly boy, 'cause I'm gonna tell you why-y-y ♪
♪ (I BURN!) ♪
♪ Can't hold me down ♪
♪ You got nothing that can stop me (I BURN!) ♪
(TIFA) You're going down!
♪ Swing all you want ♪
♪ Like a fever, I'll take you down ♪
Don't move!
Ugh...
(painful groaning)
All right... let's see if you can keep up with this!
(playful dolphin noise)
Here goes!
♪ (I BURN!) ♪
(YANG) Ugh... Did I just explode?! ♪ Can't hold me down ♪
♪ You got nothing that can stop me ♪
(TIFA) FINAL...HEAVEN!!! ♪ (I BURN!) ♪
(massive explosion!) ♪ Swing all you want ♪
♪ Like a fever, I'll take you (I BURN!) ♪ *Yang goes Super Saiyan*
What in the world...!?!?
♪ Can't hold me down ♪
♪ You got nothing that can stop me (I BURN!) ♪
♪ Swing all you want ♪
(YANG) You like that?!
♪ Like a fever, I'll take you down! ♫
*The sound of Fans of Tifa/FF7 screaming.*
Nailed it.
(BOOMSTICK) *Sigh...* Cross another potential wife off the list...
(WIZ) Tifa was naturally stronger and more experienced than Yang, but Yang's Semblance quickly turned all of Tifa's power against her.
(BOOMSTICK) Even the Minerva Band, the best of Tifa's armor options to counter Yang's strength and shotgun blasts, was eventually overtaken by the Semblance.
(WIZ) Plus, while Tifa could lift creatures many times heavier than Cloud using her Limit Breaks,
she never shows this kind of strength anywhere else, implying that this power is exclusive to those Limit Breaks rather than something she possesses naturally.
(BOOMSTICK) And even though Tifa's Premium Heart increased in power over time, they reset after her Limit Breaks while Yang's power kept on rising.
(WIZ) However, Yang's real trump card was her Aura. Her Semblance would have been useless if she could not survive Tifa's attacks.
Luckily, her Aura is durable enough to take a punch that shattered a concrete pillar about four feet wide, a feat which requires at least 1400 tons of force.
(BOOMSTICK) That's the equivalent of having 360 jet liners fall on your face!
Yang's power just pulled through in a snap.
(WIZ) The winner is Yang Xiao Long!
(BOOMSTICK) Next time, on DEATH BATTLE...
(???) Hello, Chad and Ben, and all you DEATH BATTLE fans.
Ol' Wiz and Boomstick had a great scheme going on for a while there,
having you follow them on Twitter to find out which of your favorite characters they're going to massacre in the next fight.
Well...now it's my turn.
You see this? It's the hard drive that contains all of the DEATH BATTLE matchups and outcomes for the next year. And it's mine now.
If you ever want to see your precious DEATH BATTLE again... Well, you know what to do.
To prove that I have the content, I will release the next matchup in the season finale of "The Industry" this Saturday.
The name's John. John Francis McCallagh. And DEATH BATTLE...is mine.
(CHAD) All right. That wasn't the real hard drive though, right?
(BEN) No, no. I've got it right...
...$#*!