in this video i want to talk about six ways of thinking that i'm currently etching into my mind
these are ways of thinking that will change how you carry out your days how you respond to your
thoughts and what you focus on in your life beginning your day with a question i know this
sounds really simple and kind of obvious but whenever i do it i reliably have a better day
and it's a really simple thought practice in the last few months at random i'll wake up and i'll
ask myself how can i make this day amazing how can i make this day really focused how can i make this
day feel really flowy and really at ease sometimes i'll do this immediately like i wake up and i ask
that question straight away because i know that i have a big day ahead or i'm feeling really down
sometimes i'll have about a few hours in the morning and then i'll sit down and be like okay
how can i make this day focused from here on out when i ask myself a question like this i'm
not journaling on it i'm not brainstorming on it i'm just letting myself sit with it
but as i go through my day i find myself making my decisions based on that question
i'll wake up and ask how can i make my day a little more magical then as i read my book i'll
ask how could i make reading this book a little bit more magical and i'll look at the way that
the sunlight plays on the wall a little bit harder i'll pick a book that will make me think a little
bit more i'll sit at my desk and ask how can i make working this morning a little more magical
i'll make myself an oat milk decaf coffee with a little coconut sugar to add some coziness
to the mood choose empowering reasons for your challenges so that disempowering reasons don't
etch themselves into your mind i don't believe at all that everything happens for a reason i
do believe that you can choose your reasons and the reasons that you choose can either lift you
up or drag you down they can help or they can hinder so you want to choose reasons that empower
you i originally read about this in the book the miracle morning and when i read it i was like he's
on to something so an empowering reason for your challenge for your circumstance for an event that
has happened is really just a reason that serves you it could even be a neutral reason so i had
some generally like uh partners boyfriends people before luke my reason for those relationships is
they taught me to raise my standards they taught me that i deserve better that reason serves me it
empowers me it lifts me up i worked in a job for a period of time that really deteriorated my mental
health but it leveled me up so quickly it taught me so much in such a short period of time and i
wouldn't be where i am today if not for that job i had about a year of bad anxiety and really heavy
sadness that still kind of haunts me to this day but if not for that year i wouldn't have learned
how much connection how much environment and how much my situation impacts my mental health
i choose to choose empowering reasons for not so great stuff the thing is that it doesn't
really matter if the reasons are true sometimes i definitely apply reasons way after the fact
that don't necessarily correlate but they make me feel better they make me feel stronger and that
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use code for shelby to get 10 off of your first purchase number three detached mindfulness so
we've all heard of mindfulness before but for some reason i read an article recently and it was all
about overthinking and mindfulness and it hit me differently it's really impacted the way that i
think about overthinking and i wanted to share it with you the thoughts that are appearing in
your mind that you are overthinking they are not controllable but how much you engage with them
is more under your control to be clear we're not talking about stomping down your thoughts
we're not talking about getting rid of them the way that it's explained is thinking about your
thoughts almost like a sushi train your thoughts come along in the form of little plates of food
and you can choose whether you want to take them off to convey about or whether you just
want to let them continue along there are first who encourage this way of thinking when they're
dealing with chronic overthinkers also encourage you to implement a worry hour and this is really
a way of training your mind in this way of thinking a lot of people talk about challenging
your thoughts reframing your thoughts and getting to the bottom of why a thought might exist and
sometimes that is life-changing but there are some thoughts and usually they're reoccurring
ruminating about them has really just become a habit adrian wells is a clinical psychologist
and the founder of metacognitive therapy and they talk about how so many people think about
overthinking as a personality trait is something that is fixed and that can't be changed but when
it comes to overthinking it's actually more like a strategy it can be a defense it's much more like
a habit and when you're looking to break the habit of overthinking detached mindfulness is
a really handy strategy so when you get a thought that you're tempted to really dive into to worry
about to ruminate on instead of doing it in that moment tell yourself okay i'm going to worry about
that at 5 pm which is the start of my worry hour by doing this you'll start to realize that you
do have more choice than you realize over whether or not to engage with a thought once again we are
not stamping down the thought we're not pushing it away we're just looking at it as it passes by
another good thing about when you start to do this is that something that mattered a lot right before
you had lunch that you really wanted to ruminate on that you really wanted to overthink on suddenly
at 5pm just won't matter as much and you won't really want to think about it this is something
i've been doing lately and it feels kind of illegal but i found it really helpful particularly
with some things that i tend to overthink number four not me first me too so right now it feels
like we are just starting to overcome our error of hyper individualistic me first self-care self-care
that is very much like cancelling people with no explanation put yourself first never do anything
that you don't feel like doing for anyone else put yourself first if your friend is not the perfect
fit for you in every way cut them off if they wanted to they would if they can't read your mind
get rid of them no one should need any help in trying to meet your needs these are all the ideas
that i've seen floating around on the internet particularly in the last few months i feel like
it really came to a peak and now we're starting to see it move towards a me too mentality i get that
way of thinking and don't get me wrong i think that that's a way of thinking that it sucked me
in and you do need boundaries and if your friend is doing something that's upsetting you you should
talk to them about it and it should be addressed if you have an emotional or another need that your
partner is not meeting after you've asked them to meet it you should consider whether that's a
non-negotiable for you if you're having an awful mental health there you need to cancel last minute
got to do what you got to do but i think kind of like we do with everything in our society we take
things too far the attitude that i replace this with is not me first but me too and this isn't
my idea i did find it from another creator that unfortunately i've lost the name of so if you have
the name chuck it in the comments for example if you don't value quality time but your partner does
love an errand date you get to get your errands done and you get to spend quality time with your
partner my little niece she loves quality time but watching bluey at home playing with toys with her
it's not really my vibe for some context i'm not really sure if i want children i would die for her
but playing barbies for hours just isn't for me but i love a date day i love going out for
gelato love going to the beach with her love taking her to a playground that vibes with me
i'm getting my needs met she's getting my needs met it works for both of us number five those
that mine don't matter and those that matter don't mind so in the world of anxiety people often say
no one is thinking about you and this is said in a really reassuring way so everyone's thinking
about themselves and no one has their mind on you don't worry so much if that's an attitude that you
adopt and subscribe to skip this part of the video because it's actually not going to be helpful for
you so i have been friends with slash have been around people who are pretty loudly judgmental i
have these vivid memories of people that i know are judging others and they really have etched
themselves into my brain and i think they've actually contributed to my social anxiety for
example i have this memory of a girl that i knew and she was judging her friend for puffing and
being read after a workout class such a specific and bizarre thing to judge someone for but she did
it i've hung around people who have had a giggle at the expense of someone else's outfit of their
appearance i've been around people who have judged someone for having fun taking a photo in a cafe
doing something absolutely harmless there's that account on tick tock influences in the world where
they literally just take videos of people having fun filming tick tocks like what i'm trying to
say is that people do judge and people will think about you people will have a laugh at your expense
when you've been around judgmental people or when you're just more aware of that kind of behavior
that advice really doesn't hit right but in good news here is the advice that works for me around
that kind of scenario no one that i know that is interesting and cool that i would want to be
friends with is out judging people i've never met a fascinating person who's doing their own thing
living on their own terms being their own person that isn't minding their own business the people
that you want to be friends with are not the people that are having a love at other people's
expense on a regular basis they're not in group chats being judgey about that person that they
know who's trying to be an influencer they're not talking about how people look they're just
not this really is a long-winded way of saying that those who matter don't mind and those who
mind don't matter the cliches are always it number six focus on the path not the trees so simon sinek
the author of start with why talks about this concept and it's based on this piece of advice
that a lot of novice skiers are given which is focus on the path don't focus on the trees focus
on the gaps don't focus on the trees they're also told wherever you look your skis will go so look
at the path not the trees this is something that pilots are told as well so pilots are never told
don't crash into that because it increases the likelihood of them crashing into it verse go that
way when you're interacting with children you're told not to say don't sit on the couch you're told
to say sit on the table so instead of focusing on who you don't want to be all of the challenges
that are in your way all of the things that might knock you up as you move towards your goals as you
begin new habits as you start new beginnings focus on the person that you want to become focus on
the path that's ahead of you focus on enjoying the process because what you focus on it grows
if you liked this video i have a video titled five thinking habits to start these are additional
thinking habits that will help you to create a better life i'm gonna have that video linked on
the screen as well as down below i appreciate you so very much and i will see you soon