In our last talk video about marriage we went over six reasons why it's not a
good idea to marry for happiness. Well, if not for happiness,
what the heck else is there to even get married for? In this video, we're going to
talk about why we got married.
Most people in the world live for happiness. They go along their merry way
making choices that maximize good feelings and minimize bad feelings.
Because this way of life is so prevalent, it's easy to assume that that's what
drives all people, that it's ultimately for happiness that people choose to do
anything, including getting married. But that's not true for us. Of course we
enjoy feeling good and of course we make choices that make us feel happy. But we
believe that there's more to life than just chasing after feelings. In our past
video "What We Live For," we try to explain the bigger picture goal that we choose
to live by. So we believe that there is an absolute good, an absolute best, and an
absolute most fulfilling. And for the sake of illustration, we'll say that this
absolute is a bull's-eye on a big target and our world is just a little point off
the target. Kim and I live to continually try, emphasis on the try, to understand
what that bulls-eye looks like, where it is, and do what we can to move that
off-point closer to that bull's eye, all in a way that embraces people's individual
differences and gives grace when the mark is missed. That's what we live for.
To reach this bullseye. We believe that in life it's pretty important to have a
set destination, like our bulls-eye. Simon Sinek
talks about this in one of his motivational speeches. Imagine we're
standing in a big empty room, right? And we're standing in one corner and I give
you a simple instruction: "I want you to go to that corner in a straight line,"
right? Off you go, no big deal, right? Without telling you, I slip a chair in
front of you. What do you do? You go around the chair. Now you just disobeyed
what I told you to do - I told you to go to that corner, straight line. But this is
the amazing things about human beings, which is when we're given a clear
destination, we use our own creativity and our own sense of innovation and our
own problem-solving abilities to overcome obstacles to get to the
destination. Sure you could try get to your destination on your own. But
what if because of all the chairs that come in your way, you lose sight of your
destination, lose confidence in yourself, can't figure out a way around. Would it
not greatly increase your chances of getting to your destination if you had a
partner, a teammate, going to that same destination? And what if you both commit
your entire time in that big empty room making sure the other person gets to
that destination no matter how many chairs are in the way. For sure it would
increase the chances of both of you reaching your destination. It's the whole
strength in numbers strategy, right? But we didn't want to get into it in a
self-serving way. Not like "I want to add you into my life so that I can get to my
destination." When things are me-centered like that, you're more likely to think
"You're not doing enough for me." Instead, as Christians, we're instructed to make it
about self-sacrifice. In other words, "I want to give my life to you so that you
can get to your destination." This way, we're more likely to ask "What more can I
do for you?" That's the way we chose to get married.
So it's not about all those little things that a lot of people have reduced
marriage down to. Yeah, we did not get married just for a piece of paper, just
for the various perks and benefits that come with that piece of paper. We did not
get married just to go along with tradition, to please others, or to have
validation for our relationship. We did not get married to possess each other, to
take advantage of each other's looks, money, or status, and then to say, "Hey
everyone! Back off, okay? This is mine!" Marriage wasn't our ticket out of a life
of loneliness and we did not get married just for happiness. We got married
because marriage can be one of the best vehicles to get to our destination, to
get to our bulls-eye. We got married for mutual fulfillment through mutual
sacrifice and learning to love beyond ourselves. We got married for intimacy to
be brought into closer contact with one another
more than any other kind of relationship. And last but not least, we got married
because we believe that marriage is a reflection of the love relationship
between humankind and God. And we want even the way that we love, relate with,
and commit to one another, to be a testament to the world, to our future
children, that an even greater love relationship with God does exist. Thanks
so much for watching. This video has been more of an introduction on why we got
married, but in the future, we plan to make videos going deeper about
marriage. So how about you? What are your thoughts and feelings around marriage?
We'd love to know, so leave us a comment below.
And don't forget to like and subscribe. See you next time. Bye.