my name is Caroline there's something I've carried in my heart for many years
it's a guilt I can't even put into words it's there it never used to go she's so
warm she saw she's such a nice person I've lost jobs
I've lost friendships I've lost probably good relationships but my greatest
regret is that I lost two children to drink
my drinking became progressive it used to be Fridays but now it moved
from Friday's to Thursdays to Wednesdays I had so many near-death accidents and I
missed so many ripp ordeals nearly poor deals cause of my drunken stupor I got
into a very toxic relationship and I got pregnant for this guy when the pregnancy
was 2 months I started bleeding I wish that baby was alive today that didn't
happen so the following year what I got pregnant again same guy and that
one didn't even lasts for more than he didn't last the last just the pregnancy
terminated itself let's just sleep that's what alcohol does children mix
are common in pregnancy
before I even got into rehab I decided I am going to change I need to change I
need to do this and by the time I came out of there I came out somebody who
even I shocked myself sometimes today
the person I want to reveal my secret to you her name is ban
one was one of my closest friends in high school I wouldn't really call her a
friend because she's more like a sister reason being you know the way you are
with sisters sometimes you fight sometimes you celebrate together then or
you go apart for some time but when you come back it's like the story continues
that's how it's been for me in Carol she was there for me after I broke up with
my daughter's father the night before I had been drinking and meaningful gods
that I'd put a booking another coach I remember she did like this what's this
she removed up working this has to me CK because that's what they used to call
me CK it's like no no no no no you cannot be drinking I said no it's only
one I don't drink my guess is right now it's just a wedding our baby I mean
those are the key ones I can't it has to be something big I'm fine
so it's something I've been wanting to share something I've been wanting to get
out of my head for some time now I remember the time you came to my house
and then you sat on a bottle and he removed it and he asked me what is this
and I told you it's caused us go through some stress or something
you mean the alcohol huh but the problem was much bigger than that and as a
result of that drinking I lost two babies I finally feel free to talk about
it because it's been in my heart one time my problem you see it started many
years back I started drinking after almost after high school about five
years ago I got into this relationship very toxic very violent
that's why the boozing became even more their story for the miscarriages have
been Satyam struggled for a long time because it's not easy to talk about
miscarriage and now when I look at my daughter my daughter came as a blessing
the first one almost killed me I stayed with a bleeding features for close to a
month because there's no money the second one just got away the way to go
Tommy because of drinking and alcohol in
pregnancies don't weeks and now I look better and you learn and I felt I needed
to tell because you have you stood with me that that year that you came out
never forgotten imagine you stood with me at I still let
you down you even offered to get me help but I was still in denial myself that I
had that problem so I felt you learn who deserves to know the truth of the matter
of the matter there it was I actually thought house yet because
you're getting married but I'm really proud of you I mean the fact that you
actually agreed to go for rehab and you've come out strong I know there's so
many people are going through this I never talk about it
I feel free now I would be known ting to do this I feel
free that is like you said I think I'm strong but I'm glad I'm glad so proud of
you I made now that I've disclosed is to and I feel free
she has cried more than me but I feel free I feel relieved I feel like a
burden has been lifted off my shoulders actually feel like doing a small gig
this is more on free I have children they know the pain of losing a baby I
mean if you tell me I'm to lose a baby right now that's so painful and to know
that she went through all that by herself it really breaks because like I
said she's like my sister I was such a mess but anyone who will watch this
whenever they watch it and you mean the past will not believe it means what
they'll think it's probably somebody else's sister but it's me Caroline
standing here before you think God changes people God restores people with
God everything and anything is possible ask me I'll tell you.
I'm free!
you