- Little crabs, complete crabs.
- I wish you could see this up close.
It is, a nightmare.
(jazz music)
Hey this is Kumail Nanjiani and I'm here with Men's Health,
they want me to try some stuff that is disgustingly healthy.
If I don't wanna do it, then I have to answer a question.
Here we go, I don't know what's under here.
Vegan Smoked Salmon, I mean, it looks vile.
I don't even like normal smoked salmon.
Oh ho ho, oh wow, it's like sponge.
I've never felt this texture in my life.
It's so, squirting every where.
(intense music) All right.
I'm never gonna eat that again in my life.
Yogurt soda.
I hate yogurt so, they've done a great job
of finding the things I don't like.
Do the smell test. (intense music)
Here's goes.
(music intensifies)
is that enough?
I have now drank all the yogurt soda
I'm going to drink in my life.
It's got like waves of flavor, and that is not a complement.
Pickled brussel sprouts.
So they've done their research 'cause I hate
brussel sprouts and I hate pickles,
(scary music)
okay, let's look at the question.
You're in a tag-team cage fight
with RuPaul, Jordan Peele, and Stephen Colbert.
You get one person as your teammate
and you have to wrestle the other two.
Who's your choice and why?
I would definitely pick RuPaul.
'Cause Rupaul's badass and I don't think Jordan Peele
and Stephen Colbert are good fighters I don't think.
Jordan Peele, well yeah he could probably kick my ass.
And me and RuPaul are gonna destroy
Jordan Paul and Stephen Colbert.
Pickled sour plums, or Umeboshi.
Wow that is very pungent.
Ko umeboshi definitely have a lot of scent.
(intense music)
I'm not gonna spit em out because I'm not a quitter.
I only spat out the pits.
My eyes are tearing up.
Grilled dried Yellowjack.
Let's go to a question.
What's the secret to great eyebrows grooming?
I don't know, I have very huge eyebrows so,
I have to pluck to separate them, 'cause they're
like basically this much all the way across, it's like.
I think it's not the grooming so much
as what you can do with them.
If you can like use them, then they're not a waste.
So the next I can choose is the beverage or the next item.
(scary music) The beverage looks
very scary, kind of looks like blood.
Let's see what this is, oh, no.
Fermented cashew cheese, fauxgonzola.
How is it that people who make
vegan stuff are very good at puns?
Very drippy, prolly use a fork that
I haven't done something horrible with.
(exhales) (scary music) That's brutal.
(music intensifies)
Absolutely not.
Oh God what is broom-stick?
(eerie music)
I had to meditate to get that down.
I think I might cry.
Beet Juice.
I've had it before I usually have it with ginger and lemon.
(upbeat music)
so that's okay.
The ginger and the lemon are doing
a lot of the work when it comes to the flavor.
Okay, last item.
(record scratches)
You've got to be kidding me.
Unbelievable.
Dried crab bites, little crabs, complete crabs.
(scary music)
I wish you could see this up close.
It is, a nightmare.
I can't, I can't, I was gonna open it,
and at least touch it but then I looked in the back
and like come crab bits have like broken off and they're
just hanging out back here, some legs, some innards.
So, guess we're gonna do another question.
Ohh, (beep).
Rank these collaborators from funniest to least funny.
Ray Romano, Fred Armisen, Jordan Peele,
Pete Holmes, and Jonah Ray.
Okay.
(intense music)
So start from the bottom, ugh.
I'm still tasting the cheese, uh. (exhales)
Starting to feel sweaty. (laughs)
I'm really having a hard time right now.
So I'll go, I'm gonna cheat I'll say,
least funny I'll say Pete Holmes,
'cause he's a friend and he can take it.
Second least funny I'll say Jonah Ray
'cause he's a friend and he can take it.
Jordan Peele is the future of film making
so I can say he's third funniest and he'll be fine
'cause he's like, it's okay I'm
the biggest director in Hollywood right now.
So now it leaves Ray Romano and Fred Armisen.
If I put Ray the funniest he will say, he won't believe me.
Because he's gonna think I'm being patronizing,
so I'll put Ray second and I'll say
Fred Armisen is the funniest.
And that was slightly better than
having to eat, dried crab bites.
(trumpet fanfare)
Okay so the least disgusting was beet juice.
It wasn't great but it was the least disgusting.
And the most disgusting, (hip hop music)
the Ko had a really awful taste,
but the fauxgonzola had a really awful texture,
and taste so the fauxgonzola is at the bottom.
The fauxgonzola is the worst it's
the Pete Holmes of disgusting foods.
(hip hop music)