THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
THANKS, EVERYBODY.
I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT VALENTINE'S DAY.
ALTHOUGH IF YOU ARE WATCHING THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW AT 12:37 AT
NIGHT LET'S BE HONEST, YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T.
(LAUGHTER) SOME DRAMATIC NEWS OUT OF
WASHINGTON, ACCORDING TO SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL
PRESIDENT TRUMP PLANS TO BYPASS CONGRESS BY DECLARING A NATIONAL
EMERGENCY TO GET THE REST OF THE MONEY HE NEEDS FOR HIS BORDER
WALL.
I MEAN AT THIS POINT IN TRUMP'S TERM, WHAT'S ONE MORE
CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS?
(LAUGHTER) LIKE HE'S BYPASSING CONGRESS AM
NOW I KNEW THAT TRUMP MIGHT GET A BYPASS--
(LAUGHTER) , BUT HONESTLY, I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE FROM TOO MUCH KFC, I DID.
BUT THIS IS GOING AROUND CONGRESS IN THIS WAY IS A VERY
SERIOUS SITUATION.
AND TRUMP IMMEDIATELY WAS BLASTED ON TWITTER WITH ONE
PROMINENT WASHINGTON INSIDER SAYING THAT WE CANNOT ALLOW THE
PRESIDENT TO QUOTE SUB VERT THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED
STATES FOR HIS OWN BENEFIT AND BECAUSE IS HE UNABLE TO
NEGOTIATE WITH CONGRESS.
OH NO, WAIT, HANG ON SORRY, THAT WAS TRUMP TALKING ABOUT
PRESIDENT OBAMA IN 2014, I MEAN--
(APPLAUSE) ALTHOUGH FINALLY, FINALLY A
TRUMP TWEET THAT MAKES SENSE.
SPEAKING OF BORDER SECURITY, YESTERDAY PRESIDENT TRUMP
PRAISED THE LATEST DESIGN OF HIS BORDER WALL, TAKE A LOOK.
>> ITS A HE A WALL THE PEOPLE AREN'T GOING THROUGH VERY EASY.
GOING TO HAVE TO BE IN EXTREMELY GOOD SHAPE TO GET OVER THIS ONE.
THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST A LOT EASIER, I
THINK.
>> James: THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO CLIMB MOUNT EVEREST EASIER
BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE THING THIS GAY KNOWS ABOUT IT'S
EXTREME SPORTS.
(LAUGHTER) JUST SAYING MOUNT EVEREST.
THE MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUMP'S BORDER WALL AND MOUNT
EVEREST IS THAT MOUNT EVEREST ACTUALLY EXISTS.
MOVING ON-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
IN OTHER NEWS, HIDDEN VALLEY HAS JUST RELEASED A NEW VERSION OF
THEIR FAMOUS RANCH DRESSING.
THEY'RE CALLING IT THEIR BLASTED RANCH DIPPED PIZZA FLAVORED
RANCH.
YEAH, YOU CAN LOOK FOR IT AT YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET IN THE
AISLE MARKED SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK, IS SHE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW JUST TO BE CLEAR, IT'S NOT
PIZZA FLAVORED RANCH, THIS IS TRUE.
IT'S RANCH DIPPED PIZZA FLAVORED RANCH, SO, WHEN YOU DIP YOUR
PIZZA IN IT, IT THEN BECOMES PIZZA-FLAVORED RANCH DIPPED
PIZZA FLAVORED RANCH.
I CAN'T KEEP UP.
I-- I DON'T GET IT.
MAWS PLAWS AND FINALLY, AS I SAID EARLIER TODAY, WAS
VALENTINE'S DAY AND EVERYBODY HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT HOW KAYNE
WEST SURPRISED HIS WIFE KIM BY FILLING THEIR LIVING ROOM WITH
ROSES AND BRINGING IN THE MUSICIAN KENNY G.
TAKE A LOOK AT THE VIDEO THAT KIM KARDASHIAN POSTED ON
INSTAGRAM.
(LAUGHTER) I BET YOU ARE REALLY STARTING TO
FEEL SELF-CONSCIENCE ABOUT THE BOX OF CANDY YOU GOT YOUR
VALENTINE.
AND SINCE HIS FIRST NAME STARTS WITH A K AND HAS LONG DARK HAIR,
KIM ACTUALLY INVITED HIM TO JOIN THE FAMILY.
HE NOW GUESS BY KEN KARDASHIAN.