Oh.
And, people, real quick, I turned 55
this year.
Do I look like I'm 55?
(audience cheering)
Thank you yeah.
"Girlfriend was like, for real you
"55?"
Oh, yeah.
(audience laughing)
She's like, what are you doing
later?
No.
No, I'm just serious.
Anyway--
(audience laughing)
No, I'm 55, people.
And I don't mind getting older.
But the one thing that bothers me
about birthdays is those family
members and friends telling you
how old you getting like it's
a bad thing.
One of my sisters asked me,
"what you going to do
"for your birthday?"
I said, you know what, sis?
I'm always on the road performing.
I ain't been out to a club dancing.
I want to go dance.
She said, "you, dancing?
"You ain't 25 no more.
"You more than half of 100.
"You're going to hurt yourself."
(audience laughing)
That hurt my feelings.
I said, I know how old I am.
I feel as good as I felt when I was 25.
And I can do the same stuff right
now that I did when I was 25.
Yeah!
I had to let her know.
So they took me out to a club
to go dancing.
Yes!
And I found out I was no longer 25.
(audience laughing)
As soon as we get in the club,
my sister starting letting everybody
know it's my birthday.
So this young lady, who was 25,
come over, grabbed me by the hand,
talking about, "come on,
"it's your birthday.
"We're about to dance."
We get on the dance floor.
We were not there five seconds.
This girl dropped down, did a split,
and popped back up.
I'm like, oh, no, you're not
about to outdo me on my birthday.
(audience laughing)
That ain't going to happen.
So now I got to break it back down
on her, let her know this is my day.
But before I can make my move,
because I'm going to go slow
because I don't want to pull
nothing--
I'm 55.
(audience laughing)
Everybody on the dance floor
made a circle around us like it was
a dance battle.
(audience laughing)
So they hyping me up, right?
They're like, "get it, Mike.
"Get it, Mike.
"Get it.
"What?
"What?"
And I'm getting it.
I messed around and got too low.
(audience laughing)
That right knee locked up.
My right hand grabbed her leg.
My left around her waist.
She said, "hold on, what are you
"doing?"
I said, girl, I'm stuck.
Help me up.
That's what I'm doing.
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
I'm about to go sit down.
I'm too old for this.
(audience laughing)
Because your body change as you
get older.
Like, some of the guys that's
in their 20s and 30s,
it's going to change.
Yeah.
I look good on the outside.
But I got all kind of stuff that
be hurting me all the time.
Yes.
Yeah, man, because I actually
thought I was going bald on the top
in my 30s
before I started shaving my head.
I thought I'm losing my hair.
No!
My hair is growing back down
in my head.
Oh, it is because I've got more hair
growing out my ears, nose,
and my lower back
than I've had in my life.
(audience laughing)
Fellas, how many of you
got that patch of hair right here?
You know what I'm saying?
Anybody got that crack patch?
Who got a crack patch?
(audience laughing)
You got-- stand up.
Let us see it.
(audience laughing)
Look at this girl like, sit down.
Nobody want to see that thing.
(audience laughing)
Get on my nerves.
Don't be showing that thing off.
(audience laughing)
That's when you go to the barbershop
the next day.
"Who's next?"
Me.
"What can I get you?"
Let me get butt cut,
take a little off, please.
(audience laughing)
And your body be hurting
for no reason at all.
When you was young, you could wake
up late, get out of bed.
Boom.
Yeah, you remember
when you was 20?
You wake up late for work.
Jump in your clothes.
Got to go.
Wee!
Out the door.
(audience laughing)
In your 50s, you get out of bed
in sections.
(audience laughing)
Some of y'all know what I'm talking
about.
When you first wake up,
you've got to sit in the bed for
30 seconds and let the blood circulate
down.
Then you turn to put your feet
on the floor.
Another 30 seconds to let it
go flow down to your knees
and ankles.
Then when you get up,
you've got to lean forward and put
your hands on your knees to push up
to your back.
Then you've got to straighten up
and rock backwards
to get momentum
to start walking.
(audience laughing)
You look like you're doing the line
dance.
Hands on your knees.
Then to your back.
Now take a step.
Cha, cha, cha.
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
And speaking of back, woo, back pain
ain't no problem.
Does anybody got back pain?
You know what I'm talking about.
The worst pain
is that "psychotic" nerve.
(audience laughing)
Some of y'all know what
a "psychotic--" sciatic?
No.
Man, mine is psychotic.
That thing drove me crazy a couple
of years ago.
I had to get those injections
in my back.
Yes!
Man, that needle was this big.
I'm like, I don't care if it's
this big.
Stop this pain.
That pain is unbearable.
I wouldn't wish that on nobody.
That pain is no joke.
When that "psychotic" nerve act up,
it flares up with no warning.
Because y'all know people got back
pain.
Like, you got to sneeze or cough,
you can feel it coming.
With this, no.
You'll be walking.
Then your butt just go numb
and give out.
You're minding your business,
you just walking, just stop.
Ah!
OK.
(audience laughing)
But we just had to go right there.
So you're not going to move, no.
(audience laughing)
Then you've got to stretch.
Stretching is good-- stretching
and yoga.
So I found a way for me to get
that-- when that nerve flare up,
I can just do this--
do like this and sit on down.
Yeah, it loosens it up.
But I hate to do it in public
because people see me.
And they be walking past.
"Oh there's plenty of seats
"over there."
I'd be like shut up.
I'm a flamingo.
I like doing this.
(audience laughing)
Then as you get older, your eyes
start messing with you.
You've got to deal with that.
Yeah, because when you was young,
you could read anything.
You could read it extra close too.
In your 20s you was right here,
small stuff.
But you get older, that changes.
20s, 30s, 40s 50s.
When you get here,
you ain't got no more arm.
(audience laughing)
Now it's time for those readers.
Me?
Mm-mm.
I fought them readers.
I was like, nope, I'm too young.
I ain't getting them readers.
No.
I refuse to get them.
Everything I couldn't read I bought
a selfie stick, popped it on there.
Bam!
There we go, all right.
(audience laughing)
Good.
And the one bad thing about wearing
readers is when you first start
wearing them, you're not used
to them.
So you forget them.
One day I had to go shopping.
I'm running some errands.
I got out.
I could not read anything.
I put my cell phone out.
I'm taking pictures, blowing it up
to look at it.
I got home, I had 75 pictures
in my phone from stores.
(audience laughing)
So getting older.
Like my man here.
How old are you, if you don't mind
me asking?
- 74.
- 74?
You look pretty good.
Give it up for him.
74?
Yes!
(audience cheering)
Seriously, I did not think you was 74.
I thought you was 60s, like, 62, 63.
You look really good, man.
That's special right there.
Who are you here with?
Who are you with?
That's your wife?
- That's my girlfriend.
- Your-- ooh!
(audience laughing)
- She's also my wife.
- Huh?
- She's also my wife.
- OK.
Hey, he cleaned that up real quick,
didn't he?
(audience laughing)
You're like, this is my girlfriend.
Uh-oh.
I might be in trouble.
This is my wife too.
(audience laughing)
She's going to remember
that tomorrow.
(audience laughing)
She's like, girlfriend, huh?
Mm-mm.
Yeah.
But that's special right there, man.
How long you all been married?
- 48 years.
Congratulations.
That's special, 48 years.
(audience applauding)
Like I said, I like seeing that.
48 years together, man,
still sitting close together,
shoulder to shoulder.
That's real love there because most
people married that long, the wife
would be up here.
The husband would be in the back.
They don't even talk to each other.
You know what I'm saying?
They wouldn't even ride
in the same car.
"Hey, you know what?
"I'll meet you at the club.
"Just go."