Hey, welcome back to the six figure mastermind Marianne DeNovellis here with
you today. We're going to talk about how to improve the parent-child relationship.
I've got 5 kids in my own. Learn from my mistakes and learn the tips that I
generated from those mistakes guys. Keep watching.
Maybe you're a parent like me and maybe you're even a mom like me. And if you're
a mom like me, you know how important it is to establish a really good
relationship with your kids. You are the front lines for these kids. Everything
they experience throughout the duration of their lives is going to be influenced
by your relationship with them. Whether they like it or not, they're going to see the world
through the lens that you provide and you want to give something that's really
going to be helpful for them and give them the best shot and the most
fantastic life possible. So, let me share with you the tools that I use to build a
great relationship with my kids. The first thing I do when I'm building my
schedule, building my business and I schedule time for each child during a
specific night of the week. That kids look forward at this time.
They know it's their one-on-one time between them and mom. And this is
something that they look forward to on a weekly basis. So, the oldest kid will get
Monday night, the second kid will get Tuesday night, the third kid will get
Wednesday night and so on. Each one of those children knows that that's
one-on-one time with mom. We spend a time coloring, we'll spend time going on walks,
we'll spend time maybe watching their favorite show together. It doesn't really
matter. They get to pick generally what that is. And sometimes we'll surprise
them with something super fun. But that time is something they look forward to.
And they can rely on for me to be present for. It's a great idea, I suggest
you implement it into your family into your dynamic. Schedule that one-on-one
time so that they know when and what to expect. When you're building a
relationship with your kids, we don't often give them enough credit for
knowing their own ways of feeling love. We don't often give them enough credit
for knowing what's best for them. Because like we'd like to play that parent card,
right? I know it's best for you because I'm your parent. Well, maybe sometimes. But
maybe not all the time. So, let your child express to you how they feel loved.
One of my favorite things to do with each one of my kids every single day is
to look them straight in the eye and say, "How can I best show love for you today?
How can I best express my love for you today?" And you know what you get every
time as a guaranteed response? If you do that, if you get a response
child that says, "I would love to bake cookies with you." And when you bake
cookies with you, that child will feel loved. It's because that they expressed
it and you fulfill that. They know what their love languages are. And it guess
what sometimes, you're going to get an "I don't know." Sometimes that happens. And I
like to combat that with a couple phrases. First phrase I say, "If you do
know or if you did know, what would it be?" Okay, another one I like to combat it
with is, "Well you know what? I would like to help you make your bed and that's how
I'm going to show you my love for you today." Or one of a myriad of any other
things that you could do to help your child to serve your child. You want to
know your child's personality type. So, read a couple books called the "5 love
languages for kids" and "the Child whisperer." The couple books I highly
recommend. So you can get to know your child and how they would feel loved.
Either by service or gifts or words of affirmation or whatever it is that you
find out really fits their personality, get to know them and get to know them
behind the scenes, so that when that time comes because it will, I promise you, when
that time comes where they become closed off or non-responsive for a moment and
they're introverted. That you know them well enough to just slip a little
invitation through the cracks and say, "Hey, I'm here for you." Open communication
is so important. As a working mom, I have to work at home and sometimes that
requires me to be quote-unquote "on the clock." But my kids and I have a system so
that they know they can communicate with me at any given moment. If I happen to be
on a call with a client or in a meeting, they know that they can write me a note
and you stick it to the door or slip it under the door, so that I am available to
them if anything comes up that they need. Open communication starts very, very
young. Open communication means holding eye contact. It means dropping what
you're doing when you can, okay? And we can, you can more often than you think
you can, alright? It also means reflecting back to them words that they
use and emotions that they use. So that they know you're listening to them. Even
if the words don't make sense to you. Reflect it back to them and let them
know that you understand where they're coming from. Even if it feels like you
don't. That leads me to my next tip. It's establishing trust. The bedrock of trust
in the relationship is exactly that. Everything
is built upon the trust of a relationship. The child is trusting you and
you trust in the child. Sometimes that means that you have to extend a little
bit more trust. And then verify. That's how Trust is built. It's called trust and
verify. You send the trust and then verify that it happened. For example, if
your child wants to go to a friend's house, you say, "Great, you can go but you
need to call me when you get there." That is a verification. "Yes, you can go I want
you to call me we're going to verify that you're there." That builds trust. And it
can go both ways. I'm going to verify for you that I'm going to pick you up after
school by sending you a text when I'm on my way, okay?
This system of trust and verification is what builds the bedrock for when
something rough happens because I guarantee you, it will. Your kids are
going to experience hard times, your child spends half of their time with you
before they're 5 years old. The rest of the time is either spent at school or
with their friends. Half of the hours of their life before they're 18 that they
spend with you happen before they're 5. So, this is when it's really, really
pivotal to establish that open form of communication and the better of trust.
The last thing I want to share with you is teaching by example and especially
when you make mistakes. You're a parent. You're going to make mistakes. You're still
the perfect parent for your child. But you're going to make mistakes. It will
happen. The biggest connection I felt with my parents and the biggest
connection I feel with my kids is when the authority figure owns up to mistakes
that they've made. The biggest example you can be is how to repair mistakes
when they go wrong. Perfection? It gets... It doesn't happen guys. We don't have 100%
perfection all the time. We're not designed to. When this whole dynamic
isn't designed to be perfect but it's designed to be complete. And when you can
be a perfect parent and sharing that what you do to fix your mistakes, perhaps
in my book, that's the best example you can be to your kids. To make it right as
fast as you can. So, establish the trust, build the communication, ask them how
they want to be loved and fix it when the time comes that it needs to be fixed.
Hey, thanks for watching today's video. I hope you have an amazing
time with your kids today. Do something really really special with them and
leave me a comment, let me know what it was. Hit the subscribe button. I'll see
you later.