Transcriber: Jiaye Wang Reviewer: Hani Eldalees
One thing you should know about me is that I love to dance,
even though I'm not really good at it, but I love to dance.
When I was younger, my father a musician,
and so he would play the piano and I would dance wildly around
in the living room in my leotard and tutu.
And it was really cute when I was seven, not so much in my 40s, but, you know,
whether I’m doing a salsa or I’m dancing to hip hop,
it just makes me feel good inside.
I love to dance, even though I’m not good at it, you know,
I grew up during a time where how you danced was equated to how cool you were.
And so we would go to house parties and the music would be blasting
and we'd dance and the girls would wait for the boys to invite them to dance.
But when you're not a good dancer, you don't get invited very often to dance.
And eventually I stopped receiving invitations to parties.
You know, it’s taken me 30 years to realize
that I was putting my own sense of belonging into the hands of others because
I was waiting to be invited to the dance instead of just letting loose and having
a good time. And I realize now that inclusion works both ways
and that we all have a responsibility for our own sense of belonging.
You know, for the past five years,
I've been a diversity equity and inclusion practitioner and
I helped business owners build businesses where everyone feels included.
When I start working with them,
I usually ask questions such as How do you make sure that everyone has
a seat at the table or how do you make sure that everyone's voices are heard?
How do you make sure that everyone feels seen and heard
and valued when they walk in the door?
And those are great questions, but they still focus on others.
So let's turn that around.
How do you make sure that you get a seat at the table?
How do you make sure that your voice is heard?
How do you make sure that you feel seen and heard and valued when you walk in
the room? You know, I asked myself these questions a few years ago when I had
a wonderful opportunity to attend a course at Harvard Kennedy School,
and we walk in the first day and we're going around and introducing ourselves.
And I'm there with state legislators and military chiefs and chiefs of police
and people from China and Australia and Nigeria.
And here I was, a former college dropout. Single mother.
And a mid-level manager who had never been outside of the United States.
In that moment, I counted myself out, I told myself, I don't belong here.
I was in that room with industry giants who was I to feel like I belonged there?
Wanted to give up. That evening,
I called my best friend and I was telling her I was feeling and she said to me,
why do you need others to make you feel like you belong?
Why do you need others to make you feel valued,
and I've really thought about that,
and she was right since the time I was a teen waiting to be asked to dance,
I had been waiting for people to make me feel like I belonged.
And I decided in that moment no more.
I said, from this point I'm going to take control of my own sense of belonging
and I wanted to give it a name. And so I called it self inclusion.
So what is self inclusion?
That is instead of reaching out your hands to include others,
which is extremely value, you are also reaching out your hand
and saying include me, see me, hear me, value me.
And so that's what we're going to talk about.
It's time to flip the script on inclusion, right?
There is value in including others,
but there is also value in emphasizing the I
and making sure that you are including yourself.
What I want you to hold into your heart
as we talk about this topic are three words.
I belong here. I belong here.
So how do we do that? There’s three steps.
Step one, insist on your own belonging.
Shirley Chisholm once said,
We must not only reject the stereotypes that others have of us,
but also the stereotypes that we have of ourselves,
when I was in that Harvard class,
I was telling myself that I didn't deserve to be there.
So what is the story that you're telling yourself?
Are you telling yourself a story of exclusion or inclusion?
I encourage you to change that narrative and insist that you belong there.
Step two, ignite yourself to action,
I'd already counted myself out and we hadn't even begun the course work,
this was just during the introductions.
And so for the rest of that class, I set myself to action. I did the readings.
I did the homework. I participated in class. I showed them my skills.
And guess what? I deserved to be there. I belong there.
They were right when they admitted me to that course,
but I didn't realize that until I ignited myself to that action.
And finally, step three, which I think is the most important,
clarify the impact you make when you walk into a room. How do you do that?
You want to embrace those things about you which make you unique.
I'm extremely sensitive. I am that friend who cries at Hallmark commercials,
OK? And I used to hate that part of myself,
but I now realize that is a strength
and I realize that helps me connect with other people.
So in that class we were talking about some very difficult topics,
some very sensitive things.
But because of the way that I was built,
it helped me form connections that I still have with those same people that
I was originally intimidated by.
So if I could challenge you to do one thing, I would say,
any time you walk into a room,
ask yourself what is the impact that I can make in this space?
Because guess what? I couldn't have gone to that state legislators office
and done his job, I couldn't have gone to that the generals office in Maryland
and done her job. But I can do this one. And I can do it to the best of my ability.
Why? Because I belong here and not because anyone has invited me,
but because I've invited myself.
And so I want you to join me on this journey of self inclusion.
I want you to insist,
ignit and impact anywhere you go.
simply because of who you are.
I’m happy to tell you that I’m no longer a wallflower.
I still love to dance, even though it's not very good.
But I now invite others to the dance.
As a matter of fact, when I do speeches,
I usually dance on stage and I encourage my audience to dance with me.
And that's because I know that I belong. I know that I have value.
And I want others to see that for themselves.
And I embrace that with joy.
And as a matter of fact, I'm going to dance offstage today. Thank you.