Translator: Ayano Yamana
What did your mom do for you?
What did you do for her?
What troubles have you caused her?
These are the questions of Naikan.
About 3,000 people received Naikan psychotherapy
over the past 30 years.
Many of them were healthy,
but some people started
with problems or diseases.
Most of them were full of hate,
resentment, and anger.
What causes these negative emotions?
There are three main causes.
First: "No one does anything for me."
My husband forgot our wedding anniversary.
My parents didn't love me
like they loved my brothers and sisters.
Second: "I didn't get anything in return."
If a person feels "not rewarded,"
that's a cause of evil though he did a good job.
"I treated him well, but he showed no gratitude."
Last: "Others caused me troubles."
While we live, we cause trouble to others.
But we soon forget that fact.
"Someone locked me in a bathroom when I was in first grade.
I will have to revenge myself.”
"My boss forced me to take responsibility for a mistake
and fired me."
If you think of the past
in phrases like "No one did anything for me,"
"I didn't get anything in return," or "Others caused me troubles,"
you'll feel hatred, resentment, and anger.
Who do you hate?
Who do you resent?
Who are you angry with?
You need to forgive them
and be free from the negative energy.
It's difficult to do that alone.
But Naikan psychotherapy will help you.
It only takes a week.
[We cannot change the past]
It all depends on us. On how we think and what we will do.
We can't change the past.
But we can change our reaction to it.
Then, our future will be changed.
Naikan alters our perceptions in a positive way.
We can feel more happiness than ever before.
Naikan is really simple.
We just ask three questions.
1. What did you receive?
2. What did you give?
3. What troubles did you cause?
You answer only three questions.
These questions reveal your mind.
We ask the questions
in relation to your mothers and fathers,
spouses, siblings, friends, colleagues, and so on.
For example in Naikan,
the relationship to your mother is examined for every episode in your life.
Like the pre-school period,
in elementary school,
in middle school, high school, and so forth.
Total time for the therapy is only a week.
Then it has a major effect on you.
[See it from the others' perspective]
To shift your view-point is important.
See yourself from the outside.
See yourself objectively.
Then you'll see facts from the past differently.
Different from the self-centered view.
"I thought blah-blah-blah about this,
but Mom might think different."
"Dad probably felt another way."
"I didn't notice before,
but Mom's or Dad's view
seems to be close to the truth."
Once people notice such things,
their attitude changes.
I do Naikan psychotherapy at the Rengein Tanjyouji Temple
in Kumamoto in Japan.
It’s famous for the big bell and five-storied pagodas.
I'll show you the procedure of Naikan.
Visitors accept Naikan therapy
while sitting at ease behind a folding screen.
Non-Japanese people or those having pain in the lower body
may use a chair when receiving Naikan.
They can go to the bathroom or have tea at any time while receiving Naikan.
But no conversation is permitted.
A young lady came to my Naikan center.
She deeply hated her father.
He was violent and had affairs.
Then her parents divorced
when she was in junior high school.
In her high school days, she had an abortion.
In college, she came to know gangsters.
They took nude pictures of her.
So her family were shocked
and bought them back.
At her apartment,
she was crushing something on the floor.
Her mother asked, "What are you doing?"
“Don't you see all these insects here?
I'm crushing them," she answered.
Her mother took her to the hospital.
She was hallucinating from amphetamines.
She was hospitalized in a hurry and in the end could be cured.
After graduation from college, she worked in a sex-related industry.
“Why did you do that?” I asked.
She replied, “To get back at my father.”
But she changed on the fourth day.
She thought about her father
and calculated what it had cost to raise her.
The total cost was 20 million yen!
Now it would be more like 30 million yen.
She and her mother
terribly suffered from her father.
But he spent 20 million yen on her.
She struggled all day
with accepting this fact.
And when she recognized her father’s love,
all hatred melted away.
Then she strongly felt
that her father really loved her.
"I'm going to live with my father again."
She said so at the end of Naikan.
A different case was a 25-year-old man.
He came to get Naikan psychotherapy as part of his company’s training.
He had strong resentments against his mother.
His mother had washed the hair of his baby sister
while taking a bath with her.
She lost sight of her baby.
It was too late when she noticed.
The baby was drowning.
His mother took her baby to the hospital.
But his sister never woke up
from a vegetative state.
Since then, his mother devoted all her energy to his sister.
He felt he was neglected.
Their house was renovated for his sister.
To pay off the renovation loan,
his father had to work at night.
Both parents didn't take care of him,
though he needed affection too.
"That's why I don't get along well at work or with people."
He thought everything would have been be different
if his mother hadn't made that mistake.
At first, he said
his mother never gave him lunch or snacks.
But as the therapy went on,
he had some different memories.
His mother had made lunch for him.
He just put what she prepared into the lunch box.
She bought snacks too.
When he was sick,
his mother cooked a meal,
cleaned the room, and washed his clothes.
On the sixth day, he said
if he had been in his parents’ position,
he would have done the same as they did.
His sister had passed away
when he was in junior high.
But he felt as if his sister talked to him on the last day of Naikan.
“Hi. Nobody was wrong.
Everything will be all right from now.”
Thus he finished the therapy looking refreshed and cheerful.
Please remind yourself
of what you received from your mother
from a very early age.
How many times did she cook for you?
How many times did she do laundry?
How many times did she clean?
What did you do for her?
How many times did you do something for her?
What's the trouble or problems you caused?
What did you do for them to apologize?
With a family quarrel or a disease or injury?
Bring your memories back.
Do you remember?
Your mother did a lot for you,
but you may have done little for her.
Like this, receivers of Naikan change their minds in a week.
At the beginning of the therapy,
some people remembered enjoyable times.
But others recall the painful events
with resentment and hatred.
Those people insist:
"I did nothing wrong,"
"Everyone around me was wrong,"
and "I was a victim,"
at the beginning of Naikan.
On the fourth day or so,
they turn over a new leaf.
Because they received many things
but did not give others so much.
They think about the other's view
and notice the wrong they did.
Though they caused many troubles,
others still supported them.
People helped them
and gave warm support.
Thus they naturally feel grateful
as they notice they're truly loved.
Everyone can recover
if they know they were loved
and feel gratitude.
[Hot spring for the heart]
Naikan is like a hot spring
for the heart and mind.
You feel relaxed when taking a hot spring.
Naikan refreshes you.
The negativity in your mind is removed.
Your heart feels warm and joyful.
We take care of our bodies very well.
We brush our teeth and take a bath.
We go to the doctor when we get sick.
But many people neglect their heart.
Is your heart clean?
Do you clean your mind regularly?
Naikan cleans your mind and refreshes you.
The therapy saves your heart and cures psychological illness.
Human relations will be improved.
Family and work problems are solved.
We feel more happiness than ever before.
Many people say
that life becomes easier after Naikan.
It all depends on you.
How do you think and what will you do?
You can't change the past.
But you can change how you think about the past.
Then, your future is changed.
You'll have a better life.
Thank you.
(Applause)