do you want to know how to let go and move on from a toxic relationship let's face it we all want to
know how to leave that toxic person it could be a parent a partner a sibling or a work colleague
and i get so many messages asking how to deal with that narcissistic mother-in-law but sometimes the
toxic person can be much harder to spot maybe it's their best friend or your son or daughter as your
mind works overtime to deny the negative feelings that they cause but regardless of who it is and
the relationship that you have with them there comes a time when we feel we've just had enough
and you realize that you just cannot take any more and you need to get them out of your life
or at least limit or manage the contact that you have with them so today let's talk about how to
let go and move on from a toxic relationship if you are new to my channel i'm sue blackhurst and
i've been the world of social psychology into everyday language i post videos every monday
and thursday so if you want to understand why people behave the way that they do subscribe
to my channel now and get weekly insights into this fascinating world of human behavior
and if you're feeling alone now and believing that whatever you do seems to backfire leaving you
lying awake at night wondering how much more could you self-sabotage your life well first of all
you're not alone so if you want to find out how you can overcome the challenges in your life then
do stay watching as i'll be sharing how you can find emotional happiness at the end of this video
it sounds an easy decision especially if they aren't family and there's no children involved
but moving on from a toxic relationship can be a difficult very long and drawn-up process
as toxic people are narcissists who depend on the people they emotionally financially
or psychologically drain they need to constantly prove to themselves that they are better
stronger and smarter than everyone else so they always need someone to put down and manipulate
and if you're there to target it makes it really hard to find the mental strength that is needed
to get them out of your life you see when faced with the possibility of rejection narcissists up
their game somehow managing to worm their way back into your life they're a bit like a yo-yo because
no sooner have you got them as far away from you as possible somehow they always manage
to reel themselves back into your life whatever distance you're able to put between yourself and
the narcissist they have this unique ability to remain in your life emotionally if not physically
because without even seeing them they're going to leave you wondering what they're thinking and
what they're doing and in extreme cases have you questioning whether you've made the right
decision to move on and if you will ever be able to get through the day without them dominating
your thoughts but the simple fact that they are still on your mind means that the narcissist
is still holding control and as long as they have control your defenses are down
and it's when you're in this weakened and i say more vulnerable state
that you are open to their toxic attack and they're going to use every trick to get back
into your life and back in control which is exactly where they want and need to be
well everybody deserves healthy relationships where you aren't being manipulated so here are
three rules to abide by if you want to move on from or leave a toxic relationship for good
go no contact once you let go and move on be prepared for the narcissist to make every attempt
to reach out for you in any way possible so the first thing is it's essential to remember that
if the nature of the relationship allows you to walk away once you've made the decision to cut
all ties then that is exactly what you need to do block their mobile or cell number and
find somebody who's good at IT so that all their emails go into junk and then you can have a sense
of pleasure as you empty the trash of all of their unread emails and if you have any mutual friends
be aware that they probably won't see or know the narcissist like you do because they're not
the narcissist victim so you now have two options you can either accept that you have mutual friends
that you don't want to lose so just tell them that you've moved on and need to cut all ties
and no longer want to talk about the narcissist or the relationship that you've had with them
make it very clear that you do not want to be part of any event or conversation where the narcissist
is included and also make it clear that you don't want any aspect of your life to be fed back to
the person that you have just made every effort to leave or your second option is to walk away
from all known associates completely and spend time with people who have no connection or ties
whilst building up a new and unrelated network of friends or colleagues but whatever decision
is right for you it doesn't mean ignoring the narcissist for a day or playing it cool for a week
you need to make a lifelong commitment to not engage and be strong enough to stick with it
go low contact it's not always feasible or realistic to walk away from a toxic relationship
especially if you have children or joint assets but it's also not easy if it's a family member
that you need to see every sunday for that weekly family gathering or maybe it's a work colleague
and you're unable to change departments let alone change jobs so when no contact isn't possible
going low contact means that they have a role within your life but they aren't a part of your
life meaning that you are not responsible for their thoughts and feelings and therefore you're
not under their power or their control i say it's like think of them like the person you'd call to
fix the plumbing you know you have no option but to call on them to resolve a certain issue but
they don't have the ability to emotionally impact your life in any way you may see them and you may
converse with them as they are there in person but the moment they are no longer in the room or
out of sight they are no longer on your mind and have an ability to have a control on your life
now we all know that there's boundaries when calling the plumber because your conversations
are going to be kept very superficial in order to get what needs to be done completed with the
least amount of fuss and time and connection so when going low contact with a narcissist you
need to have this same level of boundaries to protect your mental strength and your feelings
so be courteous be polite and most of all stand up tall and hold your head up high and ensure
that you don't get dragged into their emotional topics or drawn in by their comments or looks if
you need to visualize the mother-in-law fixing the leaking shower then why not you have them in your
life but that doesn't mean they have the ability to hijack your emotions or to sabotage your day
keep emotion out of it
our emotions play havoc with all our actions so it's essential that you remain
indifferent to whatever situations and conversations have gone on in the past
because the longer you turn over what has been the more you're going to forget the real
reasons that have led you to make the decisions that you are now making to let go and move on
watch any movie with a baddie and at some stage there's going to be a moment where we actually
feel sorry for them it's that time when the scriptwriter depicts the villain as the victim
and i don't think i'm alone seeing this likable side to hannibal lecter in silence of the lambs
so what is my point here well i remember a past relationship of my own and someone referring to
him as the iron hand in the velvet glove and it took me six months to see something that everybody
else could see but were just too afraid to tell me just in case they were wrong and it wasn't until
i stopped ignoring all the little things that he said and did that hurt both myself and my family
that i realized that i was only remembering what i wanted to be true and not what was the reality
once i literally woke up and saw the iron hand and not the velvet glove he no longer had any
control over me as i stopped feeling guilty and responsible for all his moods and actions
so here's the thing we did have some good times and unless it's an unavoidable relationship that's
forced upon you like the mother of father-in-law no matter how toxic there will always be good
times and happy memories because let's face it that's how you got involved with them
in the first place but if the good times filled the majority of your relationship you wouldn't be
feeling the way you do so it's essential that you recall all the painful times to remind yourself
how that person made you feel and make the decision to leave based upon those feelings
if you need to it can also really help to write down all the events situations comments and
even the looks that have made you crumble inside as a visual reminder that you need to let go and
move on try to see your toxic relationship like you know an electrical extension cable and you are
simply plugged into their energy source because as long as you you're connected to them they have the
power over you so the only way that you can find your own energy source is to disconnect completely
there are millions of other power sources out there that you can connect to
but it's only when you are free that you are able to find the ones that give you the power
and help you to light up rather than stay with the ones that drain you of all your own energy
if you've been affected by a toxic relationship and feel that you are ready to rebuild your mental
strength well there's no better time to start my 20-day overcome obstacles training programme
because this has everything that you need to let go of the toxic past and move on each day i'm
going to give you the tools to help you find out what is stopping you from finding that happiness
and freedom and the motivation to make the subtle changes that you need to get back on track
it costs less than a new haircut and it's even more uplifting
you can access the program by downloading my free book on how to reframe self-critical thoughts the
link is in the description box below thank you so much for watching now don't forget to like
and share the video and do leave me a comment with your thoughts and if you've not already
subscribed well this is the time to do it do take care and i will see you next time you