Hey Tripp Kramer here from Tripp Advice.com. On today's video, I want to go over and comment
on a recent video that Jordan Peterson put out on dating advice. He did an interview,
he was on the Lex Friedman podcast who's a big podcaster. And Jordan Peterson
doesn't normally talk about specific dating advice. I found it interesting to
find something here where he's talking about the actual courtship process.
I feel like he mostly talks about relationships, or the dynamics between men and women. But not
as much am I finding specific dating advice, so I thought it'd be interesting to comment on
it. And to talk about it, show you some things that I agree with, some things I disagree with,
and really get the point of view from Jordan Peterson on dating. If you don't know Jordan
Peterson, he's a very famous psychologist and commentator himself, talking about various topics,
relationships, politics, the world in general, and how things are going with it, climate change,
really a lot of topics across the board. I wanted to pick out something specific to dating and chat
about it. I am a fan of Jordan Peterson. For the most part, I do agree with most of the
things he has to say in terms of male and female dynamics, social dynamics, things like that.
And I even bought his book when it came out "10 Rules Of Life", whatever it is. And yeah,
so I thought it'd be interesting to talk about it. So why don't we press play and let's see what he
has to say on dating advice. Let me ask for some dating advice from Jordan Peterson. How do you
find on that topic, the love of your life? That's a good question. I was asked that multiple times
on my tour, three times in a row in fact, because we asked people to use this slide-o gadget.
That's a popular question? Very. It always came up to the top. And I got
asked... It's still interesting to me. But it doesn't shock me that of course,
one of the biggest questions that he gets is around relationships or finding someone,
even though I haven't seen him talk too much about specific dating advice, it doesn't
surprise me that people are most interested in that. ...that three times in a row. And
I think it's because there's a lot of pain around that. That's one of the biggest pain points there
is in life; being lonely, finding a partner, getting rejected, being with the wrong partner,
things like that. I didn't have a good answer. And then I thought why don't I have a good answer?
I thought, oh, I know why? Because that's a stupid question.
So why? Yeah. Why? Because it's putting the cart before the horse. Here's the right question.
How do I make myself into the perfect date? Okay, so that's the whole setup here. How do
I make myself from the perfect date is the better question. Do I agree? I do agree to an extent.
Yes, I don't feel like men or women who are having problems with dating, are necessarily thinking on
that level. I even think people who are not having problems with dating are necessarily thinking on
that level. But one thing that, because I already watched this, one thing that he's going to leave
out, which I want to talk about now and then touch upon a little bit later in this video,
is yes. He's 100% right. You need to be focusing on becoming the person who's most dateable.
But you do also have to focus on the person that you're looking for. That
is a very important aspect to dating. And I think that both, I think that men lack that
in the sense where they're not thinking too much about who they want their perfect partner to be.
And I think that women are thinking too much on that level. And they're overthinking it
to the point where maybe it's harder for them to find somebody, let's continue.
You answer that question, and you will not have any problem answering the previous question. It's
like, what are... again, not necessarily true. The aspect of knowing the kind of person you
want and who you're looking for, is crucial. And I'll go into that in a little bit. ...wanting in a
partner. If I offered everything I could to a partner, who would I be? You work on that. Ask
that question. Just ask just ask yourself. Okay, I have to be the person that women would want. True.
Okay, what do they want? True, because if you're not that person, obviously you're just not going
to attract that. So it's common sense but I think that also he makes a good point of bringing this
up because people don't think about that too much. How do I be the person that someone wants? Like,
I don't think women think about that enough. I think guys think about that quite a bit.
Especially you, you're watching this video, you're in the area of searching and learning dating
advice. Women don't think about this as much, I don't think they think about what guys want.
Yeah. Clean. That's not a bad start. Reasonably good physical shape.
I like how he said reasonably good physical shape. There's a reason there and I feel like
he understands this. You don't have to be jacked and super strong to be able to attract a quality
woman. As long as you're a reasonable weight. Not obese, not insanely skinny.
It's more possible for you. I like that he said reasonably. Healthy,
productive, generous, honest. So now he's going into behaviors. Yup.
Generous for sure. Yes, honest. I like how he said productive, women are attracted to effective men,
men who are not lazy and doing nothing with their lives. Willing to delay gratification. So you
dance with a woman? It's like, what are you doing? What are you two doing? Well, it's a pattern.
There's patterns happening around you. That's the music, patterns of being, that's the music.
Now, can you align yourself with the patterns of being gracefully? That's what she's checking out.
And then can you do that with her? And then can you do that in a playful and attentive manner
and keep your bloody hands to yourself? Okay. What he's not saying, but I'm imagining he's
trying to convey is the idea of flirting. I think what he's talking about here is flirting. You're
gonna see him here in a bit, keep on repeating this word playful, which is something that I
mentioned as well, I just think that, of course, he's not a dating coach. So I'll go easy on him.
But I also think what he's saying now, and what he's about to say you'll see here is very vague.
It's not very specific, in the sense of like, what does this all mean here? At least a minute,
and so can you dance in a playful manner? It's like, you can go through this in your
imagination. And you know, you'll know and then you think, well how far... and also I don't agree
with him. I don't think that many guys do know. And I'm not here trying to disguise, it's just
sometimes we don't understand that dance. I know, for myself, when I was learning how to
meet and attract women, I didn't understand the dance. I didn't really understand what flirting
was. I thought flirting was being super nice and attentive and listening and things like
that. I don't think guys always inherently know what's happening in this so called dance or
flirtation. What we're talking about here is the actual interaction with a woman. ...from those
things. And the answer is usually it's a pretty horrible abyss separating you from that ideal. But
the harder you work on offering other people what they need and want, the more people will
line up to play with you. Okay, so I want to dissect that a little bit. Yes and no.
If you are, too, let's say he said earlier, generous, or you're too much in the mode of what
a woman needs and wants, it can be dangerous. You have to know exactly what a woman needs and wants.
A lot of people might think if they're playing the nice guy, oh well, she wants things and attention
and flowers and all the things that a simp might might be doing. But you have to think about
how a woman actually responds. Okay, so how a woman responds to a man. What does a woman need
in order to actually respond to a man to say, oh yeah, I'm starting to feel attracted to this
person now. And what's interesting, not to get too granular here, but sometimes what a woman needs,
for example, is not much attention. Like not texting all the time. Not seeing her all the
time. So what a woman might need, which he's not exactly explaining here, which is fine,
is that distance, so you got to be really honest with okay, how does a woman respond to some person
who is attractive? What do those things look like and then those things are the needs and wants.
So it's the wrong question. It's like, how can I be the best partner possible?
And then you think, well, if I do that people will just take advantage of me.
And that's the non naive objection. Because the naive person is saying,
well I'll be good and everyone will treat me. The cynic says no, I'll be good and someone will
take me out. And then you think, well what do you do about that objection? And the answer is,
you factor that in. That's why you're supposed to be, what is it, as soft as a dove and as wise as a
serpent. It's like, I know you're full of snakes. I know it. Maybe I know it more than you do.
But we'll play anyways. Okay, so this is a really interesting point here. My interpretation of what
he's saying here is that this.. and this is now the other half, the other half of what I mentioned
earlier of, yeah, you have to be the person that women want, but you also have to figure out,
like, who's gonna be the best partner for you, that's the second half. Because if you're not
focused on that, it's gonna be really hard for you to find the love of your life, so to speak.
I believe what he's saying here is women can absolutely crush you. They can break your heart,
they can take advantage of you, use you, they can in their high pergamus nature completely be done
with you after dating you for how many years. And I think what he's saying here, maybe as a cynic
is, but also I think as a realist, is you have to be completely understanding that the reality is
that not every woman is going to be good for you. And you have to decipher which woman is
going to be best and be careful because there are women who will use you, break your heart,
which we'll kind of talk a little bit about in a second here, be a psychopath have mental issues.
And you have to be understanding that those are some women you can come across.
But the awareness, I believe, of understanding that that's possible and not being naive and not
thinking that life is just some fairy tale is going to help you in the long run.
Because you're going to understand who you can eventually be with and not be with. There's a
saying in business called hire slow fire fast. I like to take that and put that into dating,
which really is applicable here. Because if you're dating a woman, you want to take your
time to really get to know her to see what kind of person she is. Does she have the, let's say,
non negotiables that you're looking for. And you want to fire fast because at the first sign of a
red flag you need to let her go. Let's continue. And that's the risk. That's right, voluntarily,
right. And what's so cool about that is that even though the person you're dealing with is
full of snakes, if you offer your hand in trust, and it's real, you will evoke the best in them.
Yeah. And that's true. I've dealt with people who are pretty damn crim... He's gonna say criminal.
I think what he's saying here, and I do like, what he's saying here, is, yeah, if you want to
get into a relationship there has to be some trust there. The thing is if you play too many games,
if you're someone who's mentally unwell yourself, maybe you're gaslighting, or being
overly jealous all the time, causing drama in the relationship, that's going to evoke those
same things in the partner and vice versa. If you find a woman who's always jealous, who's bringing
a lot of drama into the relationship, that might evoke things inside of you. And that's when you
find someone who's not a good partner and it becomes an unhealthy relationship. By the way,
I can speak to this anecdotally, because I've been in a relationship like that, where I found the
wrong partner who I did not know until later on had some of these issues that he's talking about
here, some mental health issues, and it can it can really drive you crazy. So you got to be careful.
And pretty psychopathic. And sometimes dangerously so. And you tread very lightly when you're dealing
with someone like that, especially if they're intoxicated. And even then, your best bet is
that alert trust. It's the only, it fact it's the only thing I know that...
okay, I had one client who is a paranoid, he was a paranoid
psychopath. I liked how he said alert trust. What I think he's saying there is
you're going to be alert. You're not going to be naive. But you're also going to trust to see what
happens and play out the dating scenario so to speak. That's a bad combination. He was a bad guy,
man. He had like four restraining orders on him. And restraining orders don't work on the sort of
people that you put restraining orders so on. When I first saw this, I was cracking up. That got me
going. Restraining orders don't usually work on the people you put restraining orders on. Yikes.
And he used to be harassed now and then by a bureaucrat in a bank with delusions of power. And
he would say to them, he used to kind of act this out to me when I was talking to him. He'd say,
I'm going to be your worst nightmare. And he meant it. Yeah. And he would do it. He
had this obsessional psychopathic vengeance. That was just like, right there paranoid to the
hilt and paranoid people are hyper acute. So they're watching you for any sign of
deceit or manipulation. And they're really good at it. Because they're 100%, that's what paranoia is,
it's 100% focus on that. And even under those circumstances, if you step carefully enough,
you can, maybe you can avoid the axe. That's a good thing
to know if you ever meet someone truly dangerous.
Absolutely, I believe in that being fragile, nevertheless, taking that leap of trust towards
another person, even when they're dangerous, especially when they're dangerous. If you care,
if there's something there in those hills you want to find, that's probably the only way you're gonna
find it is taking that risk. That's the end of the video there. It gets I feel like a little almost
off topic, or at least to a very specific idea of you finding someone who's not a good partner,
which is very important. But I want to really hone in on that, and that was my earlier point of,
yeah, I agree with him, you want to become the person who's dateable, very important. You're not
going to be able to find any woman that you're really interested in unless you become someone
who's dateable and understand how attraction works and how women perceive attraction, and how women
become attracted to a guy. You want to become that person. And then the second step is finding who
is going to be the best partner for you, while avoiding women who have those red flags because
you can be the most dateable person in the world. You can be rich, tall, handsome, charismatic,
powerful status, great with women, understand how to flirt, all these great things. But if you
don't know how to find the right woman, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard is a great example. Johnny
Depp could probably have any woman he wants in Hollywood and he picked Amber Heard and look what
happened there. If you don't know spoiler alert. You know, she was diagnosed with BPD and made
his life a living hell. So you want to make sure you have the skill set to decipher in order to,
in this specific circumstance as Lex was saying, find the love of your life. I want to know what
you think. Leave a comment down below. Let me know what you think about some of the thoughts that I
said here and that Jordan said here. And if you want me to do more of these. Thanks for tuning in.