For all us to be hanging out, away from home - fantastic.
Someone brought up the idea of pills.
One man's died after taking drugs at a music festival in Cumbria.
I was the middleman, unfortunately.
Christian Pay's passed away.
Simon's actions were drug supply.
I didn't tell him how worried I was.
I was handed a 16-month... custodial sentence.
Everything that was running through my head is,
"What's prison going to be like?"
Some of the most dangerous people in the world could be in there
and, you know, me,
who's just got caught up in all this mess,
is on the way there.
And just really didn't know what to expect.
You've got all your belongings with you. You just drop them.
And then the door shuts behind you.
From that point on is the, kind of,
reflection time you've got, saying, you know, "I'm here.
"This is what's going to be happening for the next 16 months."
Sitting there, you know, your head's in your hands. You're in tears.
Don't really know what to do with yourself.
He said, "I don't think I'm going to last."
And I said, "You will. You've got to."
I started pleading with all his friends on Facebook.
"If you're a genuine friend,
"start writing to him.
"We need to keep him going.
"We need to keep him strong."
Some did.
Some didn't.
I think they didn't want to get mixed up with this guy
who'd been classed as a drug dealer.
I had to do my crying at night,
when there's nobody about.
And to this day, he doesn't know.
The few ecstasy pills that I've taken in the past have...
They've all been as they should.
But, obviously, you just don't seem to know what's in them.
And that's the problem.
They could be pressed and cut with anything.
In our case, it was...
..a toxin that was in there, as well. A substitute called PMA,
which I think was 75% more toxic to take the tablet we'd taken...
..than just the standard ecstasy tablet.
We were none the wiser as to what was going to be in it.
We just thought, you know, nothing of it.
"It's going to be absolutely fine."
But it wasn't.
I can't describe it. I just can't...
describe what this had done to me.
What it had done to everybody else.
What a few stupid pills had done...
..to everybody's life.
It still doesn't feel real now.
You know, I still think, when I go home, he's going to be there.
And when I see people talk on Facebook and stuff
and post pictures with him, I'm like, "Oh, that's Chris."
It's just weird that I'm never
going to be able to speak to him again.
The last thing he ever said to me was, "We'll be OK."
And it took a lot of me to realise that could have been anyone
and it wasn't my fault and I couldn't have saved him.
We're not immortal.
We've lost a good friend.
It makes you realise that life can be cruel.
It was such, like, a traumatic event,
it's bound to push people apart.
We all wanted to distance ourselves so much from the pain
that we've actually stopped seeing each other
as a friendship group altogether.
And even some of us have lost contact with everyone
and don't really go out of the house and socialise
as much as we used to.
Even though it's two years later, I still think,
all the repressed stuff, it's still deep down.
And each time I, like, go out and see strobe lights
or hear something that reminds me of that time,
it'll take my mind back to Kendal.
RAVE MUSIC ECHOES
I couldn't even begin to explain, like, how much one little pill
could change everyone's lives.
It's cost Christian's life. It's cost...
..a massive part of my life.
It's cost a part of everyone's life that knew Christian.
We were left scarred by...
..the death of one of our best friends.
I don't know, it's just really difficult.
I just wish... I just wish he was still here, that's all.
It's really, really difficult.
They were being kids.
I didn't blame them, ever.
And there's no way, on this Earth,
I will ever blame Simon...
..for the death of Christian.
There is no way I will ever
make Jordan feel guilty for surviving.
Never.
Never, ever. I'll never, ever make them feel bad.
I love them to bits.
I kind of look back and...
..take myself accountable for what happened.
I was the oldest, the most responsible person there,
and I made the bad decisions.
And this is how it ended up.