question 21 do you prefer being around
men or women do your closest friends
tend to be men or women hmm um well a
cop-out answer is both there are if you
like three types of company I could have
this all-male mixed and all-female and I
definitely would choose to be in one of
these three groups at different times I
wouldn't ever want to spend the rest of
my life in just one of these groups I
quite often like being around all-male
groups there are many things about being
in men's company which are very relaxing
you don't have to watch yourself nearly
so hard you don't have to interpret
everything that people are saying is
that a test what's the correct answer
there are certain ways of speaking that
women have that could be such a pain you
know well one thing that women do a lot
is they'll ask a question like um do you
want to open the window now you may
think that do you want to open the
window means do you want to open the
window in which case you might say now
but that will be the wrong answer wrong
answer because in woman do you want to
open the window means open the window
now or I will seriously punish you and
take it as a personal affront if you do
not immediately comply but if you then
don't open the window she will see you
some women will do this sometimes Seve
silently in six hours later she'll be in
a fuming mood with you and you have no
idea why it you don't connect it with
something she asked you a little
innocent question do you want to open
the window and you gave her an honest
answer no 6 hours ago but you see that
is all avoided if you keep the company
of just men and I've known occasions
that have been ruined by by 20 for
instance a friend of mine staged a war
game at his house if there was a pirate
game he was really into pirates it was
the fashion at the time and he got his
really great models of pirate ships and
he painted up all these really great
pirate figures and he invited a load of
his friends around to have a pirate game
it was going to be great except the one
guy brought his girlfriend
and it completely ruined the atmosphere
now I'm not going to say of course that
one woman will always ruin the
atmosphere that's that's definitely not
true but she did in that way that you
know that she constantly seeking
approval constantly seeking affirmation
constantly seeking attention of a
certain kind and wanting to be one of
the lads constantly trying to prove that
she's one of the lads and breaking in I
did just ah it was it was she didn't
quite have the shared humor the shared
the frame of reference that all the
other guys had particularly in the
context of war gaming these were guys
would walk and a lot and they had their
memories of all the previous war games
they had played and they they they could
tap into that and in if she hadn't been
there it would have been so much more
fun so this this getting away from
constantly being tested constantly being
yes being being tested in that way that
women test you with questions like do
you want to open the window ah he got
the answer wrong see there's a rhyme
there's a wrong and a right answer to a
question like do you want to open the
window but on the other hand we've been
a great I love women
one of the reasons I love Lindy Hop so
much is that I get to meet so many women
I get to eat the meat the women more
than I do the men actually because
they're the ones I dance with and
sensible women I'm saying women here and
it says women in this question women not
girls I remember years ago I was at
dance camp in Sweden and I saw this this
woman I gosh she was so beautiful I was
just jaw-droppingly beautiful she was a
redhead that I just thought wow if only
I could meet her but I thought probably
not going to happen and then one day
there was eating lunch and the voice
said to one do I joined you and they
looked up and it was her why'd please do
I said and within a few sentences of the
conversation the thought entered my head
oh you're a girl she wasn't a woman she
was a girl and I'm not saying that she
was bad or wrong for this but my
interest in her just went me
really quickly because she hadn't grown
up yet but sensible women women who
can't stand woman's hour for instance
another bit of a tangent here years ago
I was wrapping Christmas presents and I
had this theme the theme was parcels cuz
we were long getting a parcel in the
post or parcel for me I wasn't expecting
anything wow that's really exciting okay
it's probably less exciting now because
we order so many things online but you
know back then parcels were rarer and
exciting or Wow parcel so I wrapped them
all in in brown paper and string and put
the dress labels on them so forth that
was the theme for my wrapping that went
under the Christmas tree that year and I
wrapped one for my mother which which
was addressed to my mother her name
Secretary of the radio for listeners
against woman's our society now it
turned out that my women that my mother
did actually hate woman's hour which is
a program on radio for which they
broadcast between 10:00 and 11:00 on
weekdays oh yeah because of course all
women are free to listen to the radio at
that time yeah it's a horrendous insult
to women and I I never ever heard my
mother say anything about that program
and yet I wrote that joke with
confidence and she saw that and she said
immediately oh oh yes
woman's are really is horrendous you see
I had my I had confidence in my mother
and yes so if I meet a good sensible
women yeah they're great and very
attractive and good to be around I
remember years ago on there was a house
in which eight women lived just around
the corner from me and I used to visit
there quite often and it got to the
point that I was known as friend of the
house which was a title I was quite
proud of and I once popped by and they
said ok yeah you can stay but do be
aware loads of our friends are coming
around because we're all good to watch
Dirty Dancing and you know possibly you
might want to make yourself scarce but
the option of staying and watching it
with us is there what I did was I put
myself in the far rear corner of the
room from the television so I was out of
the line of sight of all of them and I
shut up I didn't make any comments
didn't remind them that I was there and
after a while they forgot that I was
there and I got to watch a room full of
women these were in their early 20s
watching dirty dancing and that was an
education I tell you because women in
the company of other women do not behave
as women do in mixed company and yes
yeah I will never forget that experience
Wow yes they they fancied me they
fancied Patrick Swayze and yet they were
also mocking him at the same time in a
very interesting way and the way they
identified and didn't identify again in
a mocking way with the with the main
character that the girl who herself in
the in the film Falls for Patrick
Swayze's character yeah that was an
education watching that so Jane Austen
Jane Austen does not write any scene in
any of her books in which a man talks to
another man with no woman present
because she decided that she didn't know
she had no personal experience of how
men talk to other men when there are no
women around so she didn't write those
those scenes and perhaps she was very
wise to have that policy but but anyway
um I yeah I think them dirty yeah try it
try it guys if he gave it an education
there may be other films that work the
same way but I think I've only said that
the gene for liking that film is
definitely on the X chromosome but do
your closest friends tend to be men or
women well before having a look at this
before doing this video I did actually
look at my my address book and my
Facebook friends list and so forth and
it's pretty close to 5050 actually my
friends as men and women but I would say
that if we define closeness a friend as
I confide most in them about you big
life things rather than details of you
know how a computer works or whatever
probably women but not not by a huge
amount I'm on
I would say good terms with all the
winning that I've I've been associated
with over the years which I hope is a
good sign about me I sometimes a bit I'm
a bit disappointed with some friends of
mine when they split up and they're so
acrimonious and they say terrible things
about each other afterwards and makes me
think that surely they went into that
relationship with with with something a
bit wrong that they came out of it quite
so badly so yes I would say that closest
friends probably women but there's
really not a huge amount in it because I
you can fight different things there are
certain things that I would say to a man
another woman um so do I prefer being a
what way of phrasing this question I
suppose is if you were stranded on a
desert island with a group of all men or
a group of all women no no hang on that
changes the equation too much because if
I'm on a desert island I'm the only guy
which puts me in a somewhat privileged
position although also a very dangerous
one okay then that that's changing the
question too much but in in a in a
society in which I can choose to meet
loads of groups of only women got loads
of groups of only men Oh see I'd rather
Lindy Hop with the women but I'd rather
war game with the guys this question
says do you prefer in the case of Lindy
Hop you see that is my world and it's an
artificial world it's a world in which
I'm very confident because I can Lindy
Hop I'm completely happy that I can ask
anyone to dance and give her a
reasonably good dance that she's going
to enjoy so those aren't just any women
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men have to bond with other men for
their own safety if you are a loner in
the Society of men you're in a very
dangerous position they've done studies
of accents for instance and they they
found that in in areas of
working-class Britain on really
dangerous poor deprived council estates
the the boys the young men have much
stronger accents than the good-looking
women who have the weakest and the
good-looking women have weaker accents
than the more plain girls now why should
that be well if you were good-looking
you can always marry up that's your
ticket out of that society so if you've
got a accent which absolutely limits you
to membership of that group then you
really limit your ability to marry out
of the situation in which you find
yourself you hugely widen the pool of
potential mates some of whom might be
very rich and will take you away from
all this if you have a weaker accent so
the good-looking young women tend to
have the weakest accents the guys on the
other hand they often have the strongest
accents because it's vital for them in
that environment to fit in because if
you don't fit in if you're not one of
the guys you're not one of the gang you
you you're in a dangerous situation so
yeah I don't particular what to have to
live in the world where I have to fit in
like that so I'd like to be around both
I'm not doing certainly well again
coming down with announcement they say
I'd like to be around both my absolute
ideal is to be able to choose all three
of those I don't like it for instance
when all-male clubs are forced to let
women in I think it should be fine for
men to have a bolt hole where women are
not allowed where they can go free of
women for some time but obviously if
they spend the whole lives that way
that's not good and similarly it's
reasonable is that for women to have a
women-only bolt-hole well if it's an
all-woman drumming group is allowed
there there's a club called the banshees
near me it's and all you have to be a
woman to be a member of the banshees
they take the blow whistles and bang
drums a lot well fine okay if that's
what they want but then if there's an
all-male one that should be fine too
shouldn't it
so I want the option I want help ssin
and closest friends
yeah with a mild bias I think women in
my case
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