So, why is it that it feels like
Men are giving up on dating?
On the daily basis
I have so many women say to me
they just can't find
quality men out there
to be able to build a relationship with.
So, are men actually
throwing in the towel when it comes to dating?
What I’m going to do is
I’m going to give you the six main reasons
why men they are walking away from dating.
And the reason why I want to do that is because
I want to give you an insight
into how a man's mind works
and what it is that you need to understand about them
in order to be able to bring
the best part of them forward
so that you can attract more quality men
and build a healthy relationship.
(Music)
Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel
I’m Renee Slansky
and I am a professional dating
and relationship coach.
In this video
I’m really going to get real and raw
about why men are walking away from dating.
And I’m not just pulling this out of my hat
I have literally asked hundreds of men
out there through a survey
what it is that they hate about dating.
And I’m also going to be able to share
something with you really special today about
a way that you can strategically
activate more quality dates in your life
through a specific dating website.
So, stay tuned with me on that.
In the meantime, if you're new to my channel
don't forget to give me a thumbs up,
subscribe if you want to have more videos like this
and if this video does help you
drop a thanks Renee down below.
Reason number one is this, ghosting.
That's right ladies.
We're actually the ones that ghost
more than men.
Now, I know that I've done
a lot of videos on my channel
for you ladies on what to do
when you're ghosted by a guy.
But to be honest it's actually us,
us ladies out there who need to be more careful
with the way that we treat men.
Because there is absolutely no reason
that even if you're not interested in someone
and you don't want to see them again
there is no reason
why you need to just disappear
without any sort of trace.
Ghosting is a really immature way
and it's also incredibly disrespectful
and it's not making you come across
as a high quality woman even if
you're not interested in that guy.
If you aren't interested in him
then let him know up front
through a text, through a phone call.
Give him some sort of closure,
is not that you have to
go and explain yourself
in full detail.
However, ghosting is something
that is literally
having such a big effect on men right now
that they're just thinking
well, what's the point in me dating at all
if all I’m going to do is be ghosted
every time by a girl?
Okay, reason number two,
men are feeling like they are just wallets.
And what I mean by that is obviously
there is a culture out there
where you know men
are paying for first dates
and women are taking advantage of that.
Now, as somebody who is quite old school myself
I think it is very romantic and chivalrous
for a man to be able to pay for a first date.
It isn't about taking his money,
it isn't about trying to test him,
it's mainly just an act of old school romance.
However, ladies this does not give you a reason
to go and take advantage of men.
Unfortunately there are literally Facebook groups
and YouTube channels out there
telling women how to take advantage of men,
how to get anything that they can out of them
and quite frankly guys are sick of it
and that is so understandable.
I think that we need to be reminded
that even if men
are able to pay
it doesn't necessarily mean
that they should or have to pay
every single time.
Men are humans,
men have emotions,
men have so much more to contribute
than just filling your financial pockets here.
Men are walking away from dating
because they are tired of being used
for their money or their status.
Now ladies can I just say
if you're somebody who feels insecure
or you're somebody who wants to be able to get
ahead in the world financially
or through certain achievements
then do that on your own.
Dating a man is about him adding to your life
it's not about you trying to take whatever it is
that you can from him in order to be able to leverage it
and put yourself above.
It's time ladies to be a little bit more humble
to take a bit more accountabilities
and realize that men aren't just wallets
for us to be able to use.
Okay number three,
a big reason why men are walking away
from dating is this
there are a lot of women out there
who just have no standards, okay.
So, basically we're in this culture
that because of dating apps
and we're social media
and the fast-paced of just life in general
we have what's called a hook-up culture.
And hookup culture basically means that
people don't have to put in effort
enable to be able to get what it is
that they want, which is usually sex.
And if you are tired of hookup culture
and you want to be able to build
quality relationships
then you need to have certain dating standards.
And that means
knowing what your worth is
and being able to communicate that
from the right date.
If you are someone
who constantly finds yourself
going on dates
and attracting men who take advantage of you
or finding yourself in this toxic cycle
of never going anywhere
and you're always chasing them.
Can I just say
that maybe you're dating the wrong type of men.
But maybe also
you're attracting these men because
you don't have any standards in place
and so you accept whatever it is that they give you
even if it is the scraps.
Remember, that attraction isn't a reason
to have lack in your love life.
And you have to be able to have certain standards
because if you don't
then you're setting the benchmark
so low for him
that he doesn't need to put in any more effort
in order to be able to woo you
and romance you and treat you right.
Now, before I jump into the next three points
can I just say this.
Because we are in a hook-up culture
and I’m someone who
in the industry I see a lot of dating sites out there,
I see a lot of dating apps out there,
I think it's really important
that if you want to be able to
set yourself up in love
you need to get a little bit more strategic
about how you date.
We can't just go out there and go okay,
I want to find someone so I'm just going to
put myself out there,
I’m going to go in this app, I’m going to go on this site
and let it do the work for me.
That just doesn't work as you can see.
So, what I've done is today's video
is actually sponsored by dating.com.
Now, dating.com
is the world's largest dating site.
And when they approached me
at first I was like okay,
if you're the world's largest dating site
then chances are
there could be a lot of users on there
who are having negative experiences
because there's just so many people.
However, when I dug into it
and did a lot more research I realized that
this was a dating site
that had a couple of differences
that really made it stand out from the rest.
And because I get approached
by dating websites
and dating apps every day all day
I’m really particular about who it is that I endorse.
And so I was doing some research
and I found that dating.com
is a website where it's not
just about romance and finding your soulmate
it's about connection and it's about communication.
And the cool thing is
is that they actually personally verify
every single profile that comes on there.
And if you want to be able to have a profile that's
qualified essentially
you have to pass certain checks
and I like this.
Because what it means is that
you have to put in effort here.
You can't just get on there
and just put up a couple of features that are crappy
or a couple of profile
descriptions that don't really help anything.
You literally have to almost pass a certain test
within the website
in order for them to be able to say yes,
you are actually going to bring
quality to this website
and I like that.
Now the other thing I want to say about dating.com
is it's a website it's not an app.
And that means
that it helps eliminate the swipe culture.
We all know where the swipe culture came from, right.
Now what I've done is I've linked it down below
so that you can go check it out.
The other thing that I really like
about this website is this,
is that it also
has paid features
and unpaid features.
So, for people who are on a budget
and can't afford to be able to have paid features
you still get access
although you still have to qualify, okay.
so it's not attracting
the bad ones out there.
However, if you do want to pay to be on the site
and use some of the features
you only pay for what you use
so it does make it more affordable.
So, as I said I'll link that down below
and you can go and check it out.
Okay, reason number four,
why men are walking away
from dating is this.
Not only
are they walking away
because maybe your standards are too low,
but because women's standards are too high.
And I've talked about this in another video
when I was talking about
high maintenance versus
a high quality woman
and a lot of you women out there
unfortunately are high maintenance.
In your head you're thinking no, no,
I have a high standard.
But that standard is actually unrealistic
and what you're doing
is you're setting the bar so incredibly high
that men feel they have to perform
or reach a certain status
or be a certain height ladies
or earn a certain amount of money
before you deem that they're worthy enough to date.
And we need to be able to
get ourselves off our own pedestal
and realize
that these are human men
looking for quality relationships
and they have something to offer.
Having a realistic standard should be the goal here
not having a super high standard.
You can be a high quality woman
and still have a realistic standard.
It doesn't mean that you have to be
high maintenance.
Okay, number five,
and I’m sure a lot of men on my channel
who seem to get on there and
tell me their opinion quite regularly
will agree with this.
A lot of the reasons why
men are walking away from dating
and commitment in general
is because they believe that
the legal system is rigged against them.
There is a system that is geared
in my opinion more towards the favor of women
than the favor of men when it comes to divorce,
when it comes to custody of children,
when it comes to
a whole lot of core proceedings
where men are being left
in the dark end.
When it's not necessarily their fault.
I mean look at the whole Johnny Depp
and Amber Heard situation.
Amber Heard played the victim
for a really long time and in fact,
Johnny Depp ended up winning the court case
because they realized hang on a second,
he was the victim here.
And we need to remember that
you know, men have their limits.
And even if
there has been moments in history
or maybe even moments in your life
where you have been the victim.
It doesn't mean that every single guy
out there is the bad guy.
And I believe that a system
that is just is a system that looks at
both cases instead of just
focusing on the female purely
because she is female.
And ladies that really is one of the reasons
why men are struggling to see the value in marriage
or putting the effort into dating.
Because they are scared
that if they do something wrong
or if they do commit and it doesn't work out
then they're the ones that are going to get
the sore end of the stick.
And lastly number six,
the social media trap.
This was quite interesting
and something that I wasn't really expecting
but it makes a whole lot of sense
and very relevant since we are a social media society.
And when I was doing this survey
I had several guys say
I feel Renee
that women are putting more effort
into their social media profile
than they are their own selves
and when they go on a date.
So, for example,
he will look at her social media profile
and then when he meets her in person she's either
not what she looks like
so a little bit of cat fishing.
Or she's so self-obsessed that it's all about her
instead of actually learning about him
and trying to build something together
that it becomes almost this...
This fake sort of profile and id
and world that they create on social media
when in reality
who they are doesn't match that.
And I think what men really are saying here
is they want some authenticity.
I mean you just need to look on
social media and Instagram nowadays
and you can see so many filters
and when you see someone in real life.
It's almost like you have to do a double take
and I don't just mean physically
I mean also the personality as well.
We are a world that is obsessed with
building this "profile"
that we think will make us
you know better than someone
or more likeable
or have a higher status
when in reality dating is about being real.
Dating is about being yourself,
dating is about attracting somebody
who likes you for you.
Who understands that
you are grounded, that you are humble.
That even if you do have this profile
that it doesn't necessarily mean
that you're going to be someone completely different
off that profile as well.
And that's another reason why
I like dating.com
was because they do qualify all your profiles
and they also encourage
video chat, live streaming,
and even voice notes.
And that's really cool
because it gives you an opportunity to be able to
talk with someone and get to know them
before you even meet them in person.
Because we all know that texting
and stalking each other on social media
isn't really going to give you an idea
of that person's character intent and intentions.
So, dating.com offers these different things
even translators they even have translators
from different countries
who will translate for you
just so that you can have an opportunity
to try and build a relationship.
And quite honestly, I have not heard
of any other dating website
that is able to do that.
They do photo sessions,
they offer their members tools.
I want to use that word
they offer their members tools
that actually set them up
to be able to have better communication
and better connections.
And it's not just based on location
it's based on actually interest,
it's based on your profile, it's based on
who you are as a person
and that to me is old school stuff.
And I think the world needs
a little bit of old school right now.
Again, the link for dating.com is down below
and you can go and check it out
set up a profile,
give it a go, and let me know
what you think about it
in the comments down below.
All right girls, there you have it
and I know the guys that are watching this as well
you let me know do you agree
are those some of the main reasons
why you guys are giving up on dating?
And what can we do as women
to be able to encourage you
to invest more back into dating?
All right, until next time,
don't forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs up
and I will see you guys next time bye for now.
(Music)