>> JAMES: WELCOME BACK.
NOW, LOOK, DISAPPOINTMENT IS SOMETHING WE ALL HAVE TO DEAL
WITH FROM TIME TO TIME.
HOWEVER, WE HAVE A BIT THAT WE'VE TRIED TO DO ON THIS SHOW
WHICH WE HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO PROPERLY, WE'VE NEVER BEEN
ABLE TO GELT IT OFF THE GROUND AND THAT HAS BEEN ONE OF THE
HARDEST THINGS I'VE EVER HAD TO PROFESSIONALLY ENDURE,
WHICH IS WHY WE'VE DONE EVERY POSSIBLE THING IN OUR POWER TO
ENSURE ITS SUCCESS THIS EVENING.
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY, I'M GOING TO SAY, I
SMELL A GOOD TIME, YOU SMELL A GOOD, IT'S TIME FOR, CELEBRITY
NOSES!
( BAND PLAYS THEME ) NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW, ALL
CELEBRITIES HAVE NOSES BUT SOME NOSES ARE MORE CELEBRATED THAN
OTHERS.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO OUR FIRST NOSE- OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY IS THAT THERE?
>> SPONSORSHIP INTEGRATION.
>> JAMES: WHAT?
>> SPONSORSHIP INTEGRATION.
>> JAMES: WITH CATERPILLAR?
THE BULLDOZER COMPANY?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, JAMES.
CATERPILLAR.
WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION.
>> JAMES: THIS IS INSANE.
IN WHAT UNIVERSE ARE "THE LATE LATE SHOW" AND THE BULLDOZER
COMPANY CATERPILLAR EVEN VAGUELY COMPATIBLE?
NICK, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?
>> WHAT DO I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT CATERPILLAR?
WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> James: I DON'T CARE WHO'S SPONSORING US.
WE NEED DIFFERENT CARDS.
WE HAVE TO SEE THE WHOLE NOSE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
>> COPY THAT.
NEW CARDS ON THE WAY.
>> James: THANK YOU.
WE'VE DONE THE INTRO, WE'VE DONE THE MUSIC, NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW
ALL CELEBRITIES HAVE NOSES BUT SOME NOSES ARE MORE CELEBRATED
THAN OTHERS.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO OUR FIRS NOSE.
WHAT'S THAT?
WHERE'S THE NOSE?
>> ON THE CARD.
>> James: WHERE?
>> ON THE CARD.
H, MY GOD!
THAT'S TINY!
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S THE WHOLE NOSE.
>> JAMES: ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS?
>> VERY SERIOUS.
CATERPILLAR: WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION.
>> JAMES: STOP SAYING THAT ALRIGHT?
I NEED CARDS WITH A BIGGER NOSE, WITH A CLEARLY VISIBLE NOSE.
COME ON, GUYS.
>> COPY THAT.
NEW CARDS ON THE WAY.
>> James: THANKS.
OKAY, SO, WE'VE DONE THE INTRO, WE'VE DONE THE MUSIC, NOW, AS
YOU ALL KNOW ALL CELEBRITIES HAVE NOSES BUT SOME NOSES ARE
MORE CELEBRATED THAN OTHERS.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO OUR FIRS -- ( BLEEP ) WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> A CLEARLY VISIBLE NOSE.
>> James: IT'S DRIVING AN EXCAVATOR!
>> NOT JUST ANY OLD EXCAVATOR, JAMES.
THE 301.5 CAT MINI EXCAVATOR DELIVERS POWER AND PERFORMANCE
IN A COMPACT SIZE TO HELP YOU WORK IN A WIDE RANGE OF
APPLICATIONS.
CATERPILLAR: WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION.
>> James: I'M GOING TO CRUSH YOU IN A MINUTE.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY EXCAVATORS.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
NO EXCAVATORS.
>> COPY THAT.
NEXT CARD.
>> James: OKAY.
I THOUGHT I SAID NO -- I JUST SAID NO MORE EXCAVATORS.
WHAT'S THAT?
>> THAT'S A HYDRAULIC MINING SHOVEL.
>> James: LISTEN TO ME NOW.
I WANT SOME NEW CARDS AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE A SINGLE
EXCAVATOR, HYDRAULIC MINING SHOVEL, BULLDOZER, COMBIN
HARVESTER OR ANY OTHER ( BLEEP) CATERPILLAR CONSTRUCTION
EQUIPMENT ON ANY PART OF THEM.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
WE ARE PLAYING CELEBRITY NOSES.
AND I WANT CARDS WITH CELEBRITIES' NOSES ON THEM.
PURE AND SIMPLE.
THAT'S IT.
>> COPY THAT.
NEW CARDS ON THE WAY.
>> James: THANKS.
WAIT THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, THAT'S THE CHARLAMAGNE
NOSE.
OKAY.
THANKS, RIGHT.
WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS GUYS.
WE'RE A TEAM, OKAY?
YOU CAN'T JUST SPRING THINGS LIKE THIS ON ME LIVE ON AIR
WHAT'S THAT?
I'M NOT WEARING THAT!
GET IT OUT OF HERE NOW, OKAY?
I'M NOT WEARING THAT!
STOP!
STOP, OKAY?
I'M NOT DOING IT!
I JUST SAID -- ( LAUGHTER )
I WILL NOT CARRY ON UNTIL THIS HAS DISAPPEARED.
GET RID OF THAT OR I WILL WALK.
I WILL WALK!
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY.
I'VE GOT TO DO THAT NOSE.
DONE THE SHOW, DONE THE MUSIC, NOW, AS YOU BE, ALL CELEBRITIES
HAVE NOSES BUT SOME NOSES ARE MORE CELEBRATED THAN OTHERS.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO-- >> REGGIE: ♪ CATERPILLAR: WE
CRUSH THE COMPETITION.
>> JAMES: NO, NO, NO, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
STOP.
♪ WE'RE CATERPILLAR WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION ♪
♪ YEAH ♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
♪ CATERPILLAR WE CRUSH THE COMPETITION, YEAH ♪
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪ CRUSH THE COMPETITION YEAH ♪