- Okay Alex, I have your 1099's here
and your itemized deductions.
I just have a few questions about some of these
Venmo charges.
(cheery music)
- I didn't realize you were gonna go through
all my charges.
They're all business related, so we don't really
need to go through all of them.
- I'm actually obligated by the AICPA to be
as thorough as possible.
You don't want me to go to jail or
lose my practice, now do ya?
- No.
- Oh good.
So, I see you paid your friend Aaron several times
for heart emoji, wine glass emoji.
- Right, that was a business dinner.
Ya know, it was a "lovely" business dinner.
- Okay.
- Sorry, I should've written it out in words.
- Yeah.
So you paid Brian for Hep-A.
- Oh, the food was really bad, so we joked about
getting Hep-A.
It was also a business dinner.
- On March 1st, you paid Jordy
for butt stuff.
- Uh, no,
I think he paid me for that.
- Jordy paid you for butt stuff?
- No sorry, it wasn't actually butt stuff.
It was just lunch but he was just being funny.
- How about anal?
- Can I see that?
- Yep.
- Oh,
this is just my improv coach.
Sorry, I was just-
- Being funny?
- Right.
- Okay, you also paid him for peach emoji stuff?
- Ya know what?
We don't have to do this. We could just-
I'll just take the standard deduction.
- Oh no, no, no.
You're gonna owe a lot more if you don't itemize.
- Really?
- Yep.
- Okay, well it's almost over right?
- Nope.
So, you paid Justin for eggplant emoji,
water droplets emoji, eggplant emoji,
more water droplets emoji.
Just let me finish.
Ah, Pregnant lady emoji, hot dog emoji,
arrow sign into chocolate donut emoji,
water emoji, cherry emoji followed by more
water droplets.
Maybe you and Justin took a pregnant lady
to the farmer's market on a rainy day.
For business.
- Those are all writing meetings.
- Okay, great.
So, how about
knee deep in cum?
- Uh, yeah.
- Full service anal.
- I don't know what that is.
- Rectal reconstructive surgery.
- Mmhmm, that was a breakfast.
- Kiddie porn.
- That was business.
- Okay.
Butt waxing.
- What's the date on that?
- June 1st.
- Oh, uh, nope,
that was um,
that really happened.
- Okay, um...
Camel toe replacement, also a business expense?
- Correct.
You know what, I will just put these
in a spreadsheet with all the reasons,
the real reasons so you don't have to decipher.
- No, no, no, that's okay.
I think I understand these next ones.
It's a bunch of sushi emojis.
- No, uh,
I'm sorry, that shouldn't be in there,
um,
Sushi means
sex.
- Oh!
Wow!
You have a lot of em.
- Oh, okay.
You know what, I'll hold onto those ones.
- Oh, okay.
- [Alex] Okay, so we're done?
- Yep.
- Oh okay.
- My fee is
$450
and you can actually Venmo me.
- Really?
- Yeah just look for a request from
@hungrycunt.
- Excuse me?
(intense music)
- At
hungry
cunt.
It's my side business.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
(sniffing)
Oh God.
Needed it
(intense music)