Major news from Saturday.
It was a very important day
for former vice president Joe Biden.
And not just because he launched his new line of dentures,
-called Joe Bitens. -(laughter)
Strong enough to chew right through malarkey.
No. This Saturday was the South Carolina primary,
where Biden desperately needed a victory,
and, boy, did he get it.
NEWSMAN: Biden's big win.
Joe Biden gets the landslide victory he needed
in South Carolina.
NEWSWOMAN: Joe Biden trounced Bernie Sanders in that race
to give his campaign more momentum
going into Super Tuesday.
Biden and Sanders are really neck-and-neck
in several of these states.
Just days ago, the press and the pundits
declared my candidacy dead.
Now, thanks to the heart of the Democratic Party
in South Carolina, I'm very much alive.
(cheering)
Yes, Joe Biden is very much alive,
which isn't something candidates usually need to remind people,
-but... -(laughter)
but that's still okay-- it's a great campaign slogan.
-Take it, man, just take it. -(laughter)
-But... but yes... -(applause)
thanks to the overwhelming support of black voters,
Biden isn't just in the race, he's back to being the favorite.
Which is an amazing turnaround, you know?
But that's-that's black people for you, man.
Black people can make anything popular again.
Like, think about it. Before black people,
Biden was losing, and then black people came in,
and now he's back on top.
Before black people, everyone was focused on boobs,
and then... and then black people came in, like,
"How about butts?"
And then everyone was like, "Oh, yeah, butts. Yeah."
Now, Joe Biden's win in South Carolina
was so commanding that it didn't just put him ahead in the polls,
it got three other candidates to drop out of the race.
The moderate wing of this party
seems to be moving at a pretty quick pace,
right, to-to... to all unite around Joe Biden.
Amy Klobuchar announcing today she will drop out,
along with Pete Buttigieg, and Tom Steyer over the weekend.
Both Buttigieg and Klobuchar
are now expected to endorse former vice president Joe Biden.
Yeah, that's right. First Tom Steyer dropped out,
then Pete Buttigieg ended his historic run
as the first openly robot candidate.
(laughter)
And we all know that once a gay guy sets a trend,
white women aren't gonna be far behind,
so then Klobuchar dropped out, too.
-(cheering, applause) -So...
so if you're Joe Biden, these past few days
are some of the best of your life.
Think about it. For Biden, he's made the ultimate comeback,
your opponents aren't just dropping out,
they're also endorsing you.
And to top it all off,
Joe Bitens are now the number two dentures on Amazon.
Yeah. Right behind the Donald Chomps.
(muffled): "Best in the United States."
But don't forget, things might be looking up for Biden,
but it doesn't mean it's a done deal, right?
He still has opponents in this race:
Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren,
and billionaire in a booster seat, Mike Bloomberg.
But the most difficult opponent Joe Biden still has to overcome
is himself.
Biden in a good position, but his campaign is still plagued
by more gaffes.
All right, Chuck, thank you very much.
Uh, all right. It's Chris, but anyway...
I meant Chris. I just did Chris.
No, no, I-I just did Chuck.
I'll tell you what, man, these are back to back.
Look, tomorrow's Super Thurs...
Tuesday, and I want to thank you all...
We hold these truths to be self-evident.
All men and women created by...
Oh, you know the... you know the thing.
(laughter)
Yo.
-This is not good. -(laughter)
Just in the past 24 hours, Joe has gaffed everything,
from the name of a TV anchor he was talking to,
to the Declaration of Independence.
And the name thing on its own is bad,
because interviews are sort of like sex--
it doesn't matter how well it goes,
if you call the person the wrong name at the end,
-the whole thing is ruined. -(laughter)
And I don't know why Biden's still bothering.
Like, this is why... like, my life hack,
my life hack is that I just stay away from people's names.
All right? I just call everybody "buddy."
Yeah. That way I can never mess up.
Just like, "Hey, buddy." "Great seeing you, buddy."
Yeah, and then they're like, "Stop calling me buddy!
I'm your mother!" And I'm like, "You got it, chief."
(laughter, applause)
It just helps you out.
But that-that's just a name, that's a name.
Messing up a famous quote from American history,
like, it's a little worse, it's a little worse
than some reporter, you know?
People notice. That's one small step for man,
one medium coffee, no sugar.
(laughter)
Now, I know what you're thinking.
You're probably thinking, "Trevor,
"if Joe Biden debates Trump,
"it's gonna be a disaster for the Democrats,
'cause Trump is gonna eat him up."
But when you think about it, it might not be so bad.
Yeah. Because...
Trump is the one person
who won't know when Joe has messed up.
(laughter)
-(applause, whistling, cheering) -Yeah. Joe...
Joe will be on that debate stage with Trump like,
"All men are created, um, uh, you know the thing,"
and then Trump will be like, "That's right,
-"we all know the thing. -(laughter)
"It was a big thing, the biggest thing.
"Nobody knows things better than me.
Great point, Joe Biden." He'll be like, "Thanks, buddy."