Hi, I'm Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation and put together
this little series here so you can save some money. You won't have to call a
marriage counselor for every little thing and if you do need some help The
Marriage Foundation is the place to go because our counseling is free. Just
write in and we'll help you. It doesn't mean everything is free we have courses that
are not free. I've written two books they're not free but The Marriage
Foundation is set up to help people with their marriage very esoteric, nonprofit,
we're not connected to any religion, not connected to any political group. We are
here to help you. I used to be a divorce mediator and I saw the light so I've
made discoveries no one else has and I want to help you. This particular video
is kind of cool because it's about intimacy. Now, most people hear the word
intimacy, and what do they think about? They think about sex, but I'm gonna
share with you something that is so valuable and it's largely unknown which
is kind of mind-boggling when you think about it because what is marriage anyway.
Marriage is a very spiritual thing, yeah, when I say spiritual I don't mean it's
ordained by the church or the synagogue or a religion. Spiritual means that it's
about heart. It's about souls, you've heard the
expression soul mate? What does that mean? It means when two souls come together so
a soul is not a material thing and it's not as Western psychology calls it which
is an abstract thought. Souls are very real. You're a soul, you're essentially a
soul. You have a body, you have a mind but you're a soul. You're a soul who has a
body and a mind, and the relationship that you develop
when you're married is one of intimacy it's not between your two glands. It's
between your heart, your soul that's the whole deal; it's about love. Love is a
satiric. Love is spiritual that's what intimacy is, so do you see this? Let me
draw it out a little bit for you on my whiteboard. So here is what I call the
sacred space of marriage, your sacred space of marriage is where everything
takes place between two hearts; you and your soul mate but it's the hearts that
are connecting and this is the intimacy. But you have a body and you have a mind,
and the body can have sex but that's not all it's for, and the mind is so that you
can control what you're doing and it's not just to have sex. A lot of immature
men much more than women think their mind is only there to get their bodies
pleasure and they call that intimacy but that's not intimacy. Intimacy is of the
heart and what people do that is wrong, not wrong like evil bad you're going to
hell -- not that kind of wrong. Wrong as in incorrect is that the equate intimacy
and sex as the same and it's not. This is very important. Now, you can use
your sex as a vehicle for expressing intimacy because you put your bodies
together so you're close physically but you open your heart and that's what
creates intimacy. You know, way back I was recruiting MFTs to be part of The
Marriage Foundation and I told one guy who was just the nicest guy, the
Christian fellow and we were talking and I said, "Look, you can have intimacy
without sex." And he was taken aback and I said, "Try it. When you see your wife don't
touch her, open your heart to her. Let the love of
your heart flow out to her, visualize it and see if she's not moved by that. See
if she doesn't feel it." Now, unfortunately it rarely works in reverse. I don't tell
women to try that because men are not very receptive typically, they're not
they're not as intuitive as women typically, can be but not usually. Now the
point of this whole video is to inspire you to think in terms of intimacy as
something esoteric that is not dependent on sex. That's the whole point of it. Why?
Because you should be carrying your spouse around in your heart, you should
be feeling love for them throughout the day. Then all of your speech should be
conveying that you love them. All of your actions should be conveying
love, and that my friend is how you build intimacy in your marriage. Capiche
as my father used to say. Now, if you liked this subscribe there'll be lots
more coming. Share this with your friends. Let them know these teachings are so
beautiful we got to get them out. I discovered things that other people have
not found. You know, why? Because when I started helping people with their
marriages I had a basic premise and that is that a successful marriage
is a joyous marriage. Your marriage should be filled with love and happiness
that you can't even take it, and that's the only way to do your marriage.
So blessings and take care till next time.