We can't be axed, like Lazarus, we just keep coming back
We don't need to boast or roast or talk smack
Or rap about women, bling and record contracts
Be honest, be cool and people will respect you
Those are the facts, dude
You see, taxis are Ubers, the stars are YouTubers, Neil Dyson gave Pluto the axe
Cell phones got smarter, the oceans got hotter, the global economy collapsed
We get internet deals on our hyphenate meals like cage-free, vegan-paleo sausage
We don't leave our homes thanks to Amazon drones
They track what we do through our watches
What's going on? Will we be okay? Has it all gone mad since we went away?
Oh, update us, please, and put us at ease because we've run out of jokes
About the 90's!
Al Gore lost bad because of one hanging chad. Dubya hunted for WMDs
Obama brought hope, so Clinton thought "Dope!"
2016 should be a real breeze
So Hillary finally broke that glass ceiling?
No!
But it certainly does feel like it's raining shards of glass all around us
The country's cut into two, the red and the blue
Facebook's a toxic waste-dump
The Fox Friends are doting
The Russians are voting. And now there's a President Trum–
At least we think there's still a President Trump. You see, the writers are writing this in 2018.
How is that possible? The people rely on Animaniacs for outrageous and relevant content!
Well, how can we finish catching up when we don't know what happened in the last two years?
I don't know. Wild guesses?
Sounds good to me!
We have chips in our brains, we no longer feel pain, there are worsening climate disasters
Now, we live underground, and we can't make a sound
Lest we anger our polar bear masters
They've come south for revenge!
We breed birds without arms on our factory farms, and we live in aluminum bunkers
We sent humans to Mars, all the food comes in bars, and the top-rated show is called Clunkers!
It's about a talking police car
Who's also a time machine!
Wow, here comes the star, Clunko!
I travel through time solving crime!
That's what's going on in the world today
It's as crazy now as when we went away
Our ratings depend on knowing the trends
We're all caught up,
That's how this song ends!
They ran out of ideas for fresh new shows
So, Hollywood did the only thing it knows
Murphy Brown, Melrose Place
Gilmore Girls, Lost In Space
That's So Raven's what they're craving
I know that's a show worth saving
I vote X-Files for a comeback
Ducovny's still a real snack
Would The Golden Girls be darker
If we resurrect Bea Arthur?
Reboot it, renew it
Reshoot it, redo it
And reuse it, retool it
Abuse it, just do it
If you want to make some easy cash, just recycle and rehash
Repeat it, reinstate it
Reheat it, recreate it
There's no need to feel frustrated. Simply just regurgitate it!
For a guaranteed ratings smash
Dig it up out of the trash
Come on
Just reboot it
Will & Grace, and Dynasty
Sweet 16 on MTV
Blues Clues, Twin Peaks, and Fargo
Go catch Carmen Sandiego
Just relax and take the flak
If people want it, bring it back
Looney Tunes, Queer Eye, and DuckTales
Just reboot it, 'cause it sells
Take something foreign, then translate it
Shamelessly appropriate it
Even if the old fans hate it
Get the script rights cleared
You've done sequels, tried for prequels
Think of all the streams that equals
Utilizing these techniques will make your shows revered
Shows revered
Reboot it, renew it
Reshoot it, redo it
And reuse it, retool it
Abuse it, just do it
If you wanna make some easy cash, just recycle and rehash
Repeat it, reinstate it
Reheat it, recreate it
There's no need to feel frustrated
Simply just regurgitate it
For a guaranteed ratings smash
Dig it up out of the trash
Come on... just reboot it!
All right, little dog, monkey man.
Let's see what you got.
Alas, poor Jay-Pac
I don't know who you're supposed to be
All the world's a stage, but player
Leave this stage to me
To rap or not to rap
That is the question
It doesn't have to be like this
All arrogance and aggression
My boy, Bill, told us "pride cometh before the fall"
Well, you're about to take a humble tumble
Else Yakk a liar call
Hmmm...
Yo
If Dot was my sister, I'd fire her
And Wakko's even less likable than Elmyra
Spielberg oughta stick to filming sharks
Not rebooting this reboot of Groucho Marx
Hulu wrote a check and the money beckoned
But the Warner's are like a bad joke told twice
If you weren't funny the first round, why would you be the second?
Wanna compare my 30 Grammys to your eight Emmys and a Peabody?
You've been put to sleep, kid
It's time to say goodnight, everybody
Ow!
Well, that was just plain mean.
Nice try, pal
But Wakko's wish is I deliver a killer verse
I've been blessed or cursed with a bottomless lyrical purse
That'll make crowds disperse or worse
Require medical attention, better get the nurse!
Say goodbye to an easy battle and… hello, hearse!
Yeah, I'm zanier than Billy, to the max!
Leader of the animated maniacs
You, you're the cure for insomniacs
Less fresh than the 20-year-old baloney in my slacks
We can't be axed! Like, Lazarus, we just keep coming back
We don't need to boast or roast or talk smack
Or rap about women, bling, and record contracts
Be honest, be cool, and people will respect you
Those are the facts, dude
This is silly.
Silly!
Very good. Let us explain.
Don't be coy, Old Johnny Boy
We have seen what you've decreed
You've taxed and pillaged every village
And ignored their every need
So, we wrote the Magna Carta
Which is Latin for "Great Charter!"
And you'd do well, lest folk rebel, to sign this clever creed
The British Isles will have fair trials
And I'll tell you what's more
Neither King, nor son, nor anyone
Will be above the Law
So, if you're to have a hope
And win the blessings of the Pope
You can't decline, you'll have to sign, or face a civil war
Though you'll be vexed, this deed's effects
Go far beyond this region
You can stamp and shout and whine about
This blatant act of treason
But we demand habeas corpus
Meaning "tyrants should be cautious!"
No more arrests at the King's behest
For now, you'll need a reason
Unless you're craving one more bathing
Embrace legal restitution
Church and State will separate
Or there'll be regal revolution
And the message then will spread
Like liberty butter on freedom bread!
Through the ages to the pages of the U.S. Constitution
In eight-hundred years, to peoples' cheers
These words will further travel
To unclasp each despot's grasp
And to ensure their reign's unravel
Rights were granted at our birth
To every corner of the Earth
From United Nations'
Declarations
Down to every judge's gavel!
If shelling out fistfuls of cash
Makes you break out in a rash
Consider building something on your own
You'll need some wood, a spinning blade,
Sandpaper, nails, paint-
And first aid!
Voilà! You see,
You did it all for free!
So, if you don't mind the sawdust
You can do it yourself
Admire your work
And just do it yourself!
It might look a little crooked
But you did it yourself!
Self-reliant is the way to be
Do it, you can do it, you can do it yourself
I'm thinking next we make some pots
To paint my blue forget-me-nots
The state flower of Alaska, don't you know?
These store-brought urns can take a hike
They're blah and bland and look alike!
But mine is refined
It's one of a kind
If you've got enough hot glue,
You can do it yourself
Paint over the cracks,
And just do it yourself!
You'll make treasure out of trash
If you just do it yourself!
Don't worry about the holes you see!
Do it, you can do it, you can do it yourself
This parking lot is pretty cool
But not as handy as a pool
To dip our toes, has always been our dream!
With just a little elbow grease,
We'll break ground on our masterpiece
Wow! This rehab is looking
Super fab!
And if you want something done right,
You must do it yourself!
Get tools from your neighbor,
And do it yourself!
If you feel like wasting time,
Then you can do it yourself!
D-I-Y is our philosophy!
And it's totally free!
I can sing it to you as a song!
Or if a song is not to your liking, I could eat you.
We'll take the song!
Huh.
Not everybody goes for the song, but okay!
The ice caps they say are shrinking away, goodbye to the polar bear!
I know what you're thinking, "The whole world is sinking!" but there's no need to despair!
Let's burn coal, boycott solar, we're gonna make Polar the hottest postcode anywhere
Soon the arctic will be like a hundred degrees! Tell me, who wants to buy a timeshare?
Here comes the sea! Here comes the sea!
With sea levels rising, I'm advertising one month rent for free!
Arctic housing once was cold
This 2-bed-2-bath will be soon be sold
Invest in scuba, goodbye to Cuba!
Here comes the sea!
I know the world is getting much hotter, but this is no time for tears
If all of the glaciers melt, then the water will drown us in 50 years
O--pinion is forming, it's clear global warming is something we'll have to embrace
Pollution can't keep on, 'cause when all the lands gone...
We'll have to start living in space!
Here comes the sea, ominously
Can we stop pretending the world isn't ending and do something useful, please?
You see, the ice reflects the sun, and it cools down everyone
Forget having bubbles, we're in real troubles
Here comes the sea!
You might have all these chumps fooled, but I'm not buyin' it pal!
Alright, you guys are tough customers. Guess I need to put a little sizzle on this steak!
Go on!
Here comes the sea, it fills me with glee!
When glaciers are dying, everyone's buying new beach property!
Location is the golden rule, and we've got the world's most spacious pool!
Did I mention it's heated? No credit needed! Here's your new key!
The coral is bleaching!
Please, no more preachin'
Renters will vanish
Just like Atlantis!
We don't have long here!
I think you're wrong, dear
It's time to flee!
Because here comes the sea!
Or your money back guaranteed!
Is that enough ketchup, Brain?
Brain, International Mouse of Mystery
He's the smartestest mouse in history
Sometimes, his feet are rather blistery
He's Brain...
And he's always got a plan
He's the mouse with the golden tan
Here he is, coming up
On land!