Cheap beer is my muse.
I feel like sometimes there’s too much pressure to treat craft beer with respect.
The good news is you can still get black out drunk on nice brews, and maybe even get charged
with something.
Headbutting a glass window, pissing on the hood of a Porsche…
I don’t know be creative.
Now today’s fancy beers I’ll try to treat with a little bit of respect- a subscriber
Jason Reviews Record sent me 2 beers and knife.
Otherwise known as the perfect murder.
I think it’s the plot of some Agatha Christie shit.
You know if a dude wanted to murder a dude in the middle of say Iowa, couldn’t he just
open a firework stand nearby?
This is gonna be a dual review, because I’m short on beer jokes this week and also if
you haven’t heard of this beer and I haven’t heard of it- then you won’t watch it.
In fact, you’re not watching right now.
Both are from a brewery I also haven’t heard of because I don’t know everything- out
of Mount Vernon, Washington.
Farm Strong.
We have a can and a bottle, the old yin and the yang.
In case what this review was missing was a cliched colloquialism.
To the layman between there’s a touch more in the bottle than the can.
Alright let’s pour the Valley Gold or the canned beer as I go find some contextual online
information about it.
Voted Best Brewery in 2017 and 2018 by someplace called Skagit publishing.
I guess that means something to someone, maybe Skagit and Farm Strong employees.
The Valley Gold is a Golden Lager with 6% alcohol by volume and 21 IBUS.
It’s a crisp refreshing lager made to Highlight the golden bounty of the Skagit and eventually
win the coveted publishing award.
Easy drinking and bursting with rich malt flavor.
An every day beer made for and by the good people of this beautiful area.
Sorry grown here, malted here, brewed here.
And since it doesn’t say hops anywhere your grandpa might even drink it.
To be technical about it, the foam isn’t too bad, and it’s clear and golden.
Next let’s pour the Steer You Right Imperial stout, I guess that means it’s made with
real cows.
See this one’s dark and that one’s light.
The good and the evil.
Ok that’s not true.
No one ever drinks 6 or 7 $10 imperial stouts then goes and punches a nun.
That’s what adjunct lagers are for.
The pour is dense, with a little bit of creamy caramel colored foam or fuzz as real beer
nerds call it, Sorry this one doesn’t have a product description.
Here let me try.
This dark and rich full bodied stout is uhh imbued with dark uhh malts, and pairs well
with uhh horse meat, twirly mustaches, and discussions about early Cassavettes.
(casavetties)
Ok the smell.
I think of the Lynyrd Skynyrd song every time I do this part.
I know that some people at some time thought it was a good serious adult song- but I just
associate it with farts.
First the valley Gold.
Beer Advocate gives it a 3.67 out of 5, which is light beer territory.
And only has three ratings.
So I guess this makes me an OG, when it blows up.
The smell is similar to an adjunct.
Miller Genuine High Ultra Light Champagne is an apt comparison.
Sweet and corny.
Next the stout.
Sitting at a 3.89.
Which means literally nothing to me, because it’s rare that I don’t enjoy just about
every beer I drink.
The smell is sweet and let’s say has a distinct odor of molasses.
Sorry.
Aroma.
When I say odor, that implies armpits, this is not armpits.
There’s even some vanilla under there.
Or a swisher sweet if you understand the finer pleasures in life.
Ok lets do the part where I try and do unusual faces, over pictures of my face for like two
minutes.
I know that’s my favorite part too.
Why don’t I talk during these parts live…
I don’t know.
Ok here you go.
Done.
I think internet beer reviews are kind of dumb and I guess I’m trying to prove my
point.
Let’s start with the stout this time.
As I drink, it’s like you coated a very high grit sandpaper with molasses.
Go find that shit in another review.
I don’t get vanilla in the taste, just an overwhelming maltiest, to start that punches
your tounge with some hops, and lays a trail of astringent alcohol as an after taste.
It’s dense, and made for sipping.
And now the Old Guy flavored beer.
To be fair, this is much better than the typical adjunct because it’s a lot more flavorful,
even if it don’t smell it.
It starts out sweet, then the hops hit you.
Not like IPA hops, but like a hoppy malt balance.
Think of what adjunct lagers should be.
You know flavorful.
Maybe they shouldn’t because old guys don’t have good taste in beer.
I apologize, the beer forced me to make that joke.
It has a clean finish, and a little bitterness that lingers.
I wish I could offer a more complex flavor profile, but that’s all I got.
Ok that about does it.
Thanks to Instagrammer Jasonreviews records who sent me this and a cool bayonet Knife
that I would estimate has a few kills on it.
I mean not from Jason, but you know before he bought it.
I’ll link his Guitar and hockey Based Instagram below.
I follow him you should… and I don’t even hockey or guitar.
So when this video debuts I’ll probably be in the middle of moving, wish me luck as
I move from Virginia to California with two small children, and hopefully I have enough
entertainment uploaded in the meantime to keep you partially entertained.
I won’t be able to comment a whole lot, this next month or so, but if you really need
my advice on something email me or DM me on Instagram.
Do it up: like subscribe comment, Patreon me- light or hard.
The usual.
Thanks fort watching.
Why did Text edit autocorrect convert for to fort.