- Good morning, everyone!
We get asked a lot for parenting tips,
and today we thought we'd take to Twitter
and answer some of your questions about being a parent.
- Abe wants to know, "How do you teach your kids
"to resolve conflicts and disagreements?"
- Mmm, that's a good one.
- That's one we're like hittin' hard right now.
- We're trying to deal with that, yeah.
- Like we haven't had a major issue with it
and I feel like this year has been a lot of it,
a lot more like sibling squabbling.
- The more you slow down and stop things
and take the time to address stuff with kids, the better.
It's when you're in a hurry or you don't have time,
or you're like working on something else.
That's when it gets harder to really address
these types of issues with kids.
- It's all a process.
Doing something once with them isn't like,
"Oh, I've fixed you, now you're gonna know
"what to do next time."
- Oh yeah, it's not a one-time deal.
- You just have to really work with them
and hope that you're building their hears and their minds
into being decent, caring humans and like that's the goal.
Or whatever your goal is, really think of a big picture goal
and be aware that it's a big picture goal and it takes
a million times of doing something over and over again.
Don't get too discouraged if you're not seeing
it happen right away.
It is a process.
- When you don't see it happen right away (laughing).
It doesn't happen right away.
The main thing that we're trying to teach our kids
is to communicate with each other in a kind way.
And if they can do that, then they might be able
to see each other's perspective.
They can figure out a system for sharing,
if that's the issue, if it's a "mine" issue.
One thing that's worked really well for us
is having a timer going.
So if we go like,
"Okay, you can play with this toy for five minutes,
"and then it's gonna be the next kid's turn."
"And then they'll get five minutes."
So to present sharing in a more tangible way,
in a way that they can sort of process and understand,
as opposed to this, "You need to share",
and not giving a definition of what that is
or how it works.
And then they end up kind of forgetting about the timer
and just playing with a toy together.
- Yeah, usually, but timers are really awesome.
- Yeah.
- They really help.
I did read an article once about saying you're sorry
in a full way, and I really like that.
And it's basically where a person says they're sorry
and then they say for, like,
"I'm sorry I grabbed the truck out of your hand", right?
So "I'm sorry I grabbed the truck out of your hand",
and then you say, "Next time I will wait my turn".
And then say, "Do you forgive me?"
- That also helps me as a parent to know that my kid
is grasping the concept that I'm trying to teach them,
because sometimes it's like, "I'm sorry I got a time out".
(laughing)
And it's like, no, that's not the point of this.
That's not what's happening here.
And that goes in line with communication.
As you teach kids to communicate, then you as the parent
also get the mindset of the child
and can sort of guide them.
- Yeah, I personally believe that saying your sorry
is extremely important and getting your kid to the point
where they do it every time.
I remember when the first two kids were like preschool age,
a bunch of my friends were sending their kids
to a preschool where they didn't make the kids apologize,
and that was like one of their hard fast rules.
They were like, "We never make them apologize."
And I still don't understand that.
And it was like, really really important to that school
and I know they had their reasons and I don't know,
maybe you've heard this as well.
I just really disagree.
I just feel like you have to stop a kid when they're
doing something wrong and really go through the motions
of like, that was wrong, and having them being able
to address that and be aware of that being wrong
and caring about the other person.
I just think it's all really important.
So I like the idea of full apology, which is,
"I'm sorry", what you're sorry for,
and what you're gonna do next time.
Nagasus wants to know, "When will you give your kids phones,
"and will you restrict their usage?"
That's actually the perfect question for today,
because this video is sponsored by Circle,
so thank you so much, Circle, for sponsoring this video.
Circle is an amazing way to help you monitor your kids'
internet usage and actually your whole family's
internet usage.
- We're using Circle Home Plus, which was super easy
to set up right out of the box.
You just plug it into the wall, plug it into your internet,
and you're set to go.
Our kids are getting older and they are starting to have
technology become a bigger part of their lives,
either with homeschooling,
or with using devices to play music, things like that.
So we have started using Circle, as a way of managing that;
managing the time that they're online and things like that,
and it's actually a really really easy way as a parent
to monitor what our kids are doing and to give them
the freedom to do like searches and stuff for reports,
in a safe environment.
I've really enjoyed that part of it so far.
- So it's really important for us for our kids
to be able to access computers and Ipads
and these new technologies that offer
so many educational opportunities.
Even for Bailey, she got a computer two years ago
because she's a writer.
She loves to write and she's used it for that for years.
She's very very into her writing and she does a lot of
searching for things and she likes looking up words.
The boys, Jacob and Parker, they have access to iPads
and the iPads have really helped them.
Jacob has dyslexia and there are a bunch of apps
that have really really helped him and given him
a lot more access to books and other learning things
that he needs.
And Parker has been using it to assist him a little bit
in his early reader journey.
- And math.
- And math, he does, he loves that.
- So instead of just using flash cards,
he plays these math games that really have helped him
get the basics of math down.
- Yeah, we just also wanna make sure that we aren't
losing track of how much time our kids are on these devices.
- That's one of the cool things about Circle,
is you can set time limits for internet usage or app usage.
You can also turn all the internet off (laughs).
- [Jessica] You just shut it down.
- You have to have that power switch, which is kind of cool.
- One of my best friends recommended Circle to me
and she loves Circle and that's like basically what she does
at her house all the time.
She's like, "My husband doesn't even know how to
"turn on his phone." (laughing)
She shuts it down and it's really great
for them in that way.
- You can set a bedtime.
I set my bedtime, because otherwise I'll stay up late,
you know, looking at my phone at night
and forget to go to sleep.
- Yeah.
- And sleep is important.
- Yeah.
- So that's a really cool feature of it as well.
- My brain's at a point where I try to learn a certain app
or a certain program and I'm just like,
I'm too old for this (laughs).
Or too busy or too overwhelmed,
and I felt like with the setup,
it's like really clean and really easy to look at
and understand and know right away what you're doing.
And I appreciate that so much.
- And then the app is super easy to use.
Everybody's got their own profile picture.
- That's what I love.
I love like the visual,
like seeing our family just right there.
- And through that you can assign certain devices
to certain people, so that you can manage the time
that's used on that device,
as well as the different apps that that device uses.
So we as parents can then go in and restrict certain
websites or apps and set the search function
on certain search engines to be child safe.
So our kids aren't really at the point right now
in their lives where they're just free for all with devices.
They're pretty much using them for homeschooling.
But, as they get older, they're gonna get more freedom.
And it's nice to know that we, as parents,
can restrict certain things and we can also reward them
with the Circle app if they do certain chores
or do something good for somebody,
we can give them extra free time on those devices.
And they get notified on the Circle app on their devices
that they did something good and that they get a reward,
which is also really cool.
- You can also locate each other's devices with it,
so if your kid has a phone and is at the park,
you can see them and know that they're at the park,
or know that they've walked down the street
to their friend's house or just get an idea
of what they're doing, which I know is going to become
more and more important to us.
- So be sure to check out the link
in the description box below to find out more
about Circle and how it can help your family.
- So in answer to your question, definitely we feel like
as parents we have an obligation to restrict and be aware
of our kids' usage.
We haven't given them phones yet.
We're still avoiding it kind of,
as long as we feel like it makes sense for our family.
Typically we're together, so I think that's a huge
difference from a lot of households.
Our kids are either with us or with an adult that we
trust and who has a phone.
The thing about Bailey turning 12,
is that she'll be becoming babysitter age, and I--
- She really wants to do that.
- She really wants to babysit and also she'll be able
to be left home alone more often.
And so far how we we've managed that
is she has a computer and she can actually use the computer
to call us and she can use the computer to message us.
I think devices can be wonderful wonderful tools
for learning and relaxing and lots of things.
Also I feel like our kids are at an age where
they have no idea what's out there and what they
have to be careful with and what they could overuse,
as far as like how to manage their time.
It's just another part of parenting where we're figuring out
how to guide them into what they spend their time on
and also what they end up viewing and experiencing
and making sure that they're in safe spaces.
- And using tools like Circle is a really really great way
as a parent to get more involved with
what your kids are doing on their devices.
- Laura wants to know, "What is the most important thing
"to remember when parenting?"
- For me it's that each moment that you get
with each kid is a special moment that you're not gonna
ever repeat the exact same moment again.
Keeping that in mind lets you really appreciate
how precious each moment is.
- I feel like one thing I've read once was that
your voice as a parent is going to be the voice
that that kid has in their head as an adult growing up.
And that really resonated with me.
I thought that was so interesting.
You have to be really intentional with how you speak
and what you say and just keep that in mind.
Because I feel like there are so many times
from my childhood that like stuck with me,
that weren't big moments for my parents.
Either they instructed me on something
or told me not to do something,
and it just happened to be the day that I listened,
and then that became an important rule for me.
- I feel like you don't like opening cereal boxes,
because your parents made a big deal about
- (laughing) I do.
- how you opened a cereal box once.
- I have a lot of anxiety about opening cereal,
because my dad like yelled at me because I
was bad at opening it as a kid, I guess.
So instead of like cutting the top--
- What kid is good at opening cereal though?
- I don't know, but he was so mad,
so now I'm like...
- You're very good at it now.
- No I--
- You've done it a lot better.
Good job.
- (laughing) I get anxious when I'm opening cereal boxes.
- You can open it with confidence.
- It's so interesting what sticks with you from childhood.
- Yeah.
- Your parents don't think as much about it.
We might not think as much about it.
- Yeah, they probably don't even remember
talking to you about cereal boxes.
- I'm sure they don't remember.
Yeah, I should ask my dad.
He's like, "Yeah, you were really a mess with cereal boxes."
(laughing)
That's my one regret about having children,
is how much they messed up my cereal experience.
Jordan wants to know,
"Have you ever asked a non-parent for parenting advice?"
- No.
(laughing)
But that doesn't mean we haven't gotten some.
- (laughing) I was like trying to really think.
Like, okay well maybe if we had a pediatrician
or a professional who hadn't parented yet.
- That's more like medical advice, not parenting advice.
- I guess.
I love that question, because it's so funny I think
to any parent because before you parent
you're the most perfect parent in the world.
Everybody is.
Everybody has an opinion, including us,
like we were the same.
- Yeah, I remember like in college us talking like,
"This is obviously how we're gonna raise kids."
We've read all the parenting books.
We've listened to the advice of the talk show hosts
that say like, "Here's how you parent".
And then we went into it and we're like, okay well no,
we're gonna have to adjust this a little bit.
- Yeah, and for each kid.
- Yeah. - And for each moment.
- Yeah.
- It's like you're always adjusting.
I feel like it even with parents,
just because they're not parenting your particular kid
in that particular moment.
And that's the thing about parenting,
is it's so specific.
And there are general things you can kinda stick to
or goals you can set.
But there really isn't an official handbook
that you can say works for everybody.
Maybe the one exception would be more like
non-parents, as in children or teenagers.
Like not on how to parent, but what their experience is now.
- What their perspective is?
- Yeah.
- I think I have done that, yeah.
- I think that would be the answer.
Like asking, okay well you're a teenager right now,
what would you want the rule to be?
- I don't think we're ever asking like,
"How would you be the parent?" though,
- Yeah.
- Or like "how should we parent?"
We kinda go like, "Oh what are you interested in?"
"Oh that's interesting", taking mental notes
of like what punishments or consequences worked
or didn't work in your life.
- Yeah, definitely.
Because we have so much to learn just in general,
and we've certainly never parented teenagers before.
I feel like we can learn from them.
- Next question.
- Peachy Pie wants to know,
"How do you handle meltdowns or really bad tantrums?"
"I have a five-year-old that is a diva and can be very rude,
"even though I'm teaching her manners all the time."
Oh man, I feel you.
First of all, they happen.
They happen to just about everybody and--
- I throw tantrums constantly.
- (laughing) No, I mean, like really honestly,
Jacob didn't throw many tantrums growing up.
So we've had that kid that I'm sure can make
a lot of parents feel very cocky and confident.
But we've also had so many tantrums and meltdowns.
Please don't think that just because you're not
seeing it in videos that it's not a part of childhood
and growing up and development and it's such a struggle.
It is really hard, so I feel you.
We have a few different techniques.
It depends on your kid's ages and where you're at.
A lot of times you could be in public
or you could be at home,
and that's obviously gonna be different.
I feel like my favorite technique is,
"All right, we're gonna do this until you
"respond correctly, and then you're gonna do it correctly
"a couple times."
Say I say, "Okay, can you please put your shirt
"in the laundry?"
- "I will not put my shirt in the laundry!"
- (laughing) That happens.
We're gonna do this until you answer me correctly
and until you get it done.
This is the ugly part, right?
It's gonna stay not cute probably,
especially in the beginning, for a long time.
And you have to just kinda go,
"Okay, I guess this is what we're doing for the next hour."
And I think that that's really important.
Because if you set yourself as the parent up for the
expectation of like, "Why isn't this working right away?"
Then you tend to push it, push your kid,
make them more angry than actually helping them,
and then also get really frustrated yourself.
But if you kind of come to terms right away like,
"Okay, I guess this is how it's gonna go."
"We're gonna keep going with this until you do it."
And by doing it correctly I typically mean saying,
"Yes, Mommy," and then doing the thing with a good attitude.
We say, "right away, all the way, with a joyful heart".
So we'll say that to them and just kind of remind them
that that's the expectation and it's kind of a
simple saying you can say.
I think a lot of people have used this phrase.
- Then they have to do it like three or five times
- Yeah.
- in a row correctly,
and if they don't do it, it starts over again.
- Yeah.
- So if they give you one bad attitude,
you're back to one, and then you've gotta...
It's a long process and the kid doesn't wanna be stuck in it
in the process, so they're more likely to do it correctly.
And by doing it multiple times, we really ingrain in them
this is the right way of doing this.
This is the right response.
- Right, it's practicing that good behavior,
especially with a little kid.
A lot of things are just practicing.
- And there is a strength to having diva tendencies too.
- That's true too.
- Typically those children are more outgoing,
they're more expressive, they're able
to share their emotions, so you know,
you're getting one thing for another
- Yeah.
- and you really just have to teach them how to manage that.
Because being that outgoing, sometimes takes a little
reeling in on that person's part.
- I do, I totally agree with what Christopher's saying,
where it's like important to assess that like even though
in our society that's obviously difficult
and not working for you parenting wise
and can lead to very negative personality traits,
it's important to also look at how it's a positive,
whatever it is.
And that happens with so many different character traits
of kids and then teaching them how to use that
as a strength as opposed to something that
they're going to be negative with.
- Once again, I wanna say thank you to Circle
for sponsoring today's video.
Be sure to check them out.
Thank you guys so much for your questions on Twitter.
And we will see you guys next time.
(laughing)