Lisa A Romano the breakthrough life coach and I'm really excited
Someone just reached out to me and said Lisa tell me what is your number one tool? What's the number one?
thing that you can offer me to help me deal with the narcissist and
I was really excited because I was able to answer the email and
My number one tool is SHUTTY SHUTTY and I'm gonna explain what that is
but first I want to say a couple of things about
narcissism so not everybody that we know is a narcissist not everybody that
Disagrees with us is a narcissist not everybody that we have an argument with is a narcissist
But there definitely are predator type
People that we have to contend with every day
These people use what I call the three E's. they feel ENTITLED they EXPLOIT other people at any cost
so whatever their need is they feel within their right to exploit this person and
They lack empathy and so they're the type of people who
Really walk around on planet earth and believe that whatever's going on in their head and whatever need they have
basically, whatever feeling they have is supreme in relation to other people which of course is crazy because everybody's
Opinion is valid, right? Everybody has a right to their own belief
Everybody has a right to feel what they feel but not everybody has the right
No one has the right to enforce what they feel or what they believe on to other people
And so when we're dealing with someone who's a narcissist we have to understand that their agenda is to not hear us. That's huge
That's a huge problem because so many of us talk to
Narcissists and we're under the presumption that the narcissist wants to hear us
they don't! They are not interested in what you have to say and
Another tip that you can use is when you figure out that you're dealing with somebody who lacks empathy
Exploits other people and feels entitled to exploit people and just feels entitled in general
To not follow the rules to cut the line to be abused if whatever
you know the deal when you're dealing with that type of a person you
Have to recognize that this person has no interest in meeting you halfway
very very important and so my number one tool in dealing with somebody who is
narcissistic or highly narcissistic is a tool that I call SHUTTY SHUTTY and it's so powerful and
the reason SHUTTY SHUTTY is so powerful is because
it
Represents this idea that you recognize that the person that you're dealing with
doesn't see you and so a narcissist or someone with high narcissistic traits is
Sort of like a rock. Would you argue with the rock?
No, of course, you would not would you kick a rock not too smart to kick a rock, right?
Do you stand there and yell at a rock and ask a rock, you know to turn into a jug of water?
No rocks are in movable, right? They are solid things and they can't hear you
They're not interested in you and so you're talking to a narcissist and this is what you get, right?
you constantly getting constantly hitting this rock and I remember the first time that I
Used shut shutting and I didn't know that's what it was at that time that phrase came later
But back in the day
I had a flip phone and my ex-husband and I I think we was already separated
But the harassment was still coming
I was getting thirty
text messages anywhere from like ten to thirty phone calls a day on my home phone and on my cell phone very
Angry, he had lost control over me. He never expected me to actually follow through with the divorce and
he was just very angry and
rageful and
Persecuted me
I literally felt like I was walking around with a bull's-eye on the on my back because
Everywhere, I turned there he was he would drive his big pickup truck into the area that I worked
I would come out of work and I'd see his truck parked
You know in a parking spot not too far away
then there were times that I would come out of come out of the
Come out of work, and I could see his truck coming into the parking lot
I mean really at times I was actually terrified didn't know what was what he was going to do
but one of the biggest problems that I had was that I
Kept talking to him if he called me
I would engage if he texted me I would text back if he hurled an insult at me
I would hurl an insult back
If I heard in conversation that the ex said X Y & Z and it was a lie
you know if I didn't fall into a
Puddle of tears, then I was making sure that I was standing there, you know practically begging the person please don't believe them
It's not true that never happened right? I was hooked. I was absolutely hooked
So it was sort of like that this person in my life
Was dangling a carrot in front of my face and I was just following this carrot. I really was hooked and
My I didn't realize at the time
that it was my ego my ego was trying to protect the inner child from
feeling all this persecution and the illusion was I'll fight back and that's that's the way
That I'll beat this narcissist at this game. He insults me. I'm gonna insult him back he tries to hurt me
He says something about my sanity
I'm going to insult his sanity, you know the deal and so I'm at work one day
I have a client waiting for me that I have to be 100%
Present for and my cell phone's going off and my cell phone's going off and I looked at my phone
Like I said, it was a flip phone at the time and I saw a bunch of insults
I mean vulgar insults and I just looked at the phone and
I felt this anger rise up inside of me and then I just said not today and I shut the phone
So I SHUTTY SHUTTY .
I remember thinking to myself. I'm not I'm not taking the bait today. I'm not taking the bait today
I'm not taking the bait when I go home when I go home. I'm gonna delete all the messages on my answering machine
You know if he drives into the parking lot, I'm not even gonna look his way if someone insults me through him
I'm not going to engage I'm going to SHUTTY SHUTTY
After a while, I began to notice that my energy field began to change
now
What changed was the energy field that was above my ears?
I just did a video about that recently where we have this auric field or you can think about
The energy field that is above your eyes that includes your third eye your crown chakra your prefrontal lobe, your neocortex
This is your thinking cap. Right and when you use your thinking cap, effectively you can
Re-energize your physical body because when you're thinking correctly, especially when you're dealing with the narcissist, right?
they are not able to drain you and
so what I began to do was SHUTTY SHUTTY. So when he drove past the house and he dropped the kids off and
He tried to bait me and say things like, I Oh your mother looks like Mariah Carey today?
I just kept watering the grass
SHUTTY SHUTTY. I did not engage. On the days that I had my hair straight
He would say "Oh, mommy looks like Cher today" All different things that he would say just to annoy me just to Gaslight me
I just SHUTTY SHUTTY. I just kept watering the grass or kept doing whatever it is. I was doing I
When he started insulting me through text as hard as it was to not respond
I said no more
Codependent no more. I am not engaging I am holding on to myself and it worked
It was absolutely amazing
And so my number one tool to helping me deal with a narcissist is really to SHUTTY SHUTTY. I cannot tell you
How effective it is!
When I coach people and they tell me that their ex
Insulted them at a baseball game in front of their child and I ask them,
What happened? And sometimes they'll say "well we got into this
fight back and forth and it upset the kids" and then I say "Okay now
think about the same situation at the baseball game and the kids are present.
The mom or the dad says something to you that you know implies that they're trying to Gaslight you. Now imagine you
SHUTTY SHUTTY. Imagine that you say nothing
Imagine that you close your eyes and you engage that you detach and you imagine yourself
Holding on to your inner child and telling your ego even you don't have to defend yourself. It's okay
I got you SHUTTY SHUTTY. How would you feel?" And
across the board, clients will tell me that I would have felt so much better, and
It's because I engaged that I feel worse."
And this is the thing.
We never feel better after a fight. If you think about boxers in a ring, these poor boxers
they're they're exhausted after a fight and it makes sense
because they're in the boxing ring and they're physically exhausted.
So when they come off and out of the ring, we understand why they're so exhausted.
I also think it's very important to say that
there are different types of narcissists.
There are narcissists that are actually violent and so in that case you definitely want to make sure that you have an exit plan and
that you're moving towards removing yourself from what could be a violent situation
You know very often times
we think we have to defend ourselves and fight back.
But if you're dealing with a violent narcissist, that's actually what you don't want to do and
the best thing for you to do is to figure out a way to create an exit plan so you can get out of that
situation as quickly as possible.
But for the everyday garden-variety type of narcissist who
enjoys being passive aggressive, enjoys gaslighting you,
minimizing you,
marginalizing you,
triangulating you at work and trying to engage you in some type of mental and emotional and psychological
battle,
knowing that they have the energy to do such a thing and it actually
energizes them to take you in, so when you engage with the narcissist
you're actually energizing them
So SHUTTY SHUTTY works for that type of a narcissist we have to understand is engaging
someone with high narcissistic traits in a battle of words
We're never going to win
Because they were built for this every time you hurl an insult at them
They get angry or they get nasty they dig in they harder
There is no way in the world that I ever could have beat my ex narcissist with a battle of words. It's just not possible
How I did win was using SHUTTY SHUTTY.
So when he tried to get my goat and he wanted me to react, I used SHUTTY SHUTTY.
When he insulted me in front of kids. I learned to SHUTTY SHUTTY. I would say to the kids, "Oh, it's okay kids, just go in the house
mommy will be in soon" and I just kept getting the groceries and taking them out of the car or whatever.
Now I personally believe that SHUTTY SHUTTY can be used in many situations. When I feel triggered
I SHUTTY SHUTTY because I know that whatever is gonna come out of my mouth is going to be reactivity.
And I know that when I am reactive I'm subconscious and when I am
reactive
I am NOT thinking .when I am reactive my energy body the energy body that it exists from my ears down
is reacting.
Energy is given out. It's being given off.
I'm not taking energy in.
When I instead disengage, when I detach and when I SHUTTY SHUTTY, I am holding on to the energy that is within
my auric field and I am reducing the chances of engaging with a boxer.
A Narcissist is an energy boxer. They are
unbelievably skilled at
tearing you down emotionally, mentally, and psychologically.
They are hell-bent at
persecuting you.
If you've ever pissed a narcissist off they're coming for you!!!!
Like they are relentless! It is their agenda to bring you down!
They persecute you, they punish you, they smear campaign you, they try to triangulate you constantly trying to Gaslight you.
In my opinion
because it's worked in my personal life and I'm trying to teach my children to do the same thing,
it also works in my professional life, when I offer this suggestion to a client and when
we learn to SHUTTY SHUTTY with people who are on the spectrum or with people who just like to argue, we win.
There are people who are built to be confrontational.
Confrontational people are confrontational.
So their agenda is to engage you in some type of a battle.
Everybody's tired after a battle. I don't want to be in a confrontation with someone.
I don't want to battle with people unless I absolutely have to.
But in most cases we don't have to in most cases or very often times shutter shutter works.
So I hope that you've been inspired to try SHUTTY SHUTTY.
I
hope that if you've ever wondered what the heck SHUTTY SHUTTY means
because you've seen it on my youtube channel on a t-shirt, now you know what it means.
And if you begin using it, I would really be grateful for you to share your experiences here in the comment section.
Thank you so much for being a member of this YouTube channel and for being a part of my YouTube family and for following my work and
trying to do all you can to find your light in
spite of what has been, YOU ROCK
DEAR ONE-- you rock because when you heal yourself you help heal the world!
How can I thank you for that? How could anybody thank you for that?
You're making the world a better place in spite of what has been so rock on be you and may your light shine bright