I have been following you for a little while now and I have to say you have great stuff!
I’m really impressed with the resources you are offering. As a former Olympic medalist
in rowing I understand the importance of the mental component of competition and training.
I’m wondering if you can help me, help you, make $97? I’d love to buy your program for
my son but so far he has said he’s not really interested.
A little background: he’s a big 15 year old basketball player that is really good
but could be so much better. #1 issue is assertiveness. It’s getting better and when he “turns
it on” he dominates. Many times he shrinks from the moment, plays tentative, and generally
does not live up to what he displays in practice. I could be wrong, but that seems to be mental
thing, not physical. I showed him the video you have where you talk about the basketball
player and perfectionism and I think it made sense to him. I have had him speak with a
lady I know that does mental training (another Olympian) and she gave him some exercises
that he said helped. His coach understands and has been giving him some ideas on preparing
mentally. I just think what we are doing now is a little piecemeal and he needs something
more comprehensive (ie your program). When I mentioned it to him he said he’d rather
just try the stuff he’s been given for now (Made sense and I think it got a little overwhelming
for him so I backed off).
He had a game yesterday where he started strong and then in the 2nd half (when the other team
started to get on a roll) he started to play tentative again. The coach sat him. I had
to drive home and read your 10 commandments for parents article before I talked to him!
I see what he needs to do and how much some comprehensive mental training could do to
help but I don’t want to force it on him (wouldn’t work anyway).
Any ideas on what can I say or do to lead him to the conclusion that he should give
mental training some serious consideration and specifically, your program?
Good thing you went back and read the 10 commandments! So, for starters, you want to pick your time
and ask him if he would like your advice and feedback about his game. If he says "no"
then you have to honor that. That doesn't mean you can't keep asking that periodically
and at some point, he will say "yes." Ask him when/how it would be appropriate for
you to offer that guidance.
Once he says yes, the best way for you to help him is to stick with asking questions.
Try to get him to come to conclusions without
telling him directly...
You: So son, what do you think held you back from performing your best in the second half
today? (teenager's typical response will be "I dunno")
You: Were you aware that you weren't playing as
well in the 2nd half? What was that like for you?
How did you feel when you noticed the other team catching fire?
What did you observe about the other members of your team?
Your goal with these types of questions is to get him to recognize that his performance
dropped off due to his perceptions, thinking, and emotions in the midst of the game. And
that there's no amount of practice or preparation that will change that if the mind doesn't
change.
If you find another good time (timing of these conversations is critical), then see if you
can point to other games where his play dropped off or was exceptionally good and, using questions
only, get him to see that he plays good when he is thinking and feeling confident. Feel
good = play good.
Too many athletes think that "feel good" just happens by some magic and they just hope and
pray that they fall into that. The fact is, it's something that can be developed and learned
just like any physical skill.
Bottom line, your job is to get him to see that his mind determines his level of play
and always has in the past...he just hasn't made that connection yet. Some players never
do and buy into the brainwashing of coaches that all you have to do is work harder. That's
great but there's countless athletes who worked themselves to death and never made it
to the next level. In conjunction with that, I would put together
some quotes and/or videos from famous athletes and coaches about the importance of
the mental game.