Ah. Welcome to "CP Time,"
the only show... that's for the culture.
Today, we are going to talk about hip-hop.
And I mean real hip-hop,
not this new-school trap mumble rap
where you can't even understand what they're saying.
Hubba-da, hubba-da. Vicodin.
Hubba-da. Percocet. Hubba-da, hubba-da.
That's not lyrics.
That's the sound Fred Flintstone's feet make
when he driving off.
(silly sound effect playing)
His feet just joined the Migos.
Now, today, we're going to talk about old-school hip-hop,
legends like DJ Kool Herc,
-Grandmaster Flash, Run-DMC. -(applause and cheering)
And, of course, my short-lived group,
Regular Roy and the Trapezoids.
We broke up right after we took that picture.
Had a huge argument over what exactly a trapezoid is.
Didn't record a single track.
-Kiss my ass, Leroy. -(laughter)
Tonight, let's discuss some of the seminal moments
in the birth of hip-hop,
starting with the fortieth anniversary
of "Rapper's Delight," the first
commercially-successful rap song.
"Rapper's Delight" got everyone rappin'.
In fact, thanks to "Rapper's Delight,"
hip-hop went so mainstream,
it even led to stuff like this.
♪ And every rapping cat I know drinks ♪
♪ Miller Light ♪
♪ Ain't that so? ♪
(laughter)
Thankfully, hip-hop survived that commercial.
But barely.
Now, "Rapper's Delight" might be the reason rap went commercial,
but what gave hip-hop its flavor was un-dubitably
the sound of the record scratch.
And a lot of people don't notice,
but the record scratch was actually invented by accident.
A young deejay by the name of Grand Wizzard Theodore
was practicing in his room when his mother came in,
and he stopped the record with his hand.
Which led to this.
(needle scratches record)
That's right.
That sound was accidentally created by a young black man
trying to avoid an ass-whuppin'.
And now it's the signature of hip-hop.
Also the sound of when some shit done gone wrong.
The condom had a hole in it?
-(needle scratches record) -(laughter)
What do you mean that wasn't beef?
(needle scratches record)
You may be a dentist, but that ain't my mouth.
(needle scratches record)
Mm-mm.
But before you could scratch on the turntable,
you needed a turntable.
And that was one of the biggest obstacles
for aspiring hip-hop deejays.
Turntables were too expensive.
Luckily, in 1977, an act of God changed the course
of black history.
A massive blackout hit New York City,
and in the ensuing chaos, over a thousand stores were looted.
Now, I'm not going to be the one
to say that black people had anything to do with it,
but let's just say that the next day
there were a bunch of brand-new deejays in New York City.
Coincidence, indeed.
Now, before you judge those people
who looted on that fateful day,
remember that looting can lead to some beneficial side effects.
Black people looted, and now we have hip-hop.
White people looted, and now we have museums.
You know damn well those mummies
didn't just walk themselves into that museum.
(applause)
Now, that historic night in '77,
my Uncle Beebo also took part in the looting.
But because of the darkness,
he couldn't identify what he was taking.
He thought he stole two turntables.
Turns out it was two lazy Susans.
(needle scratches record)
He never did become a deejay,
but he could pass the hell out of some ketchup.
Well, that's all the time we have for today.
But before we go, I want to make peace with the Trapezoids.
Leroy, if you're watching this tonight,
I'm sorry that I said a Trapezoid
is just a square with an attitude.
And so I'm sorry for having sex with your wife.
(laughter, groans)
Well, this has been CP Time.
And remember, we're for the culture.
-Leroy, kiss my son for me. -(cheering, applause)
Tell him I'll see him in a couple years.
♪ ♪