(Septic Boss High Five)
Top of the mornin' to ya laddies!
My name is jacksepticeye,
And welcome back to Slither.io
This is a special one
Because the last time I playe- well, the last episode I did
Was before i went on my new york trip, so
I Couldn't play it in time
But when i got back, then everyone was telling me too
But now,
I have my own skin!
Ohh, look at it. (Septic sammy!)
It's so cute.
Ah, I love it to bits.
Everyone'd been sending me pictures of it
When I was in New York,
And I couldn't get back to play it in time.
And I had another episode goin' up.
While I was away,
And then everyone was like,
Why didn't you play as your own skin?
Jack, you have your own skin in the game now!
I know!! :D
It's awesome!
So just for that now,
I'm gonna be called
Jackaboy.
Here we go.
Can't fail as this.
I can't fail as myself.
Well,
As little Sam snake.
Sammy snake! (Excellent name!)
That's what I should have called it.
Load the fuckin' level please.
For the love of Go- come on!
There we go-
Yes, you just gotta yell at stuff.
If you yell at stuff, then it works better.
I saw somebody else playin' as me.
It's really cool as well, because
No- I didn't have to like (Press share on twitter then, go back to the slither.io tab and you should see the "Change skin"option in the corner
Download a special thing
For this or anything.
It was literally just one of the default skins
That the people who made the game made.
So that's really flattering
And really awesome.
I love that to bits. (love you to bits)
Uhm,
I probably will still fail.
I probably won't even get close to being at the top,
And I still suck at this game, so
Cut me some slack.
But now,
I've my own skin.
It's no- I've already won.
I don't even need to do anything in this level,
I- Oh God, what am I doing.
I don't even need to do anything now in this episode.
I've already won the game
The game of life.
The game of slither.
Have my own skin.
Tha-that's awesome.
Anybody
Who's playin' as my skin
Will die.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
No,
You're not playing as me.
You kinda looked like you were
For a second
'Cuz you were a little bit of greeny.
HaHA!
Gotcha!
People were also saying-
Giving me tips in the comments, like
Don't sprint after certain things
Like, if you-
If you kill a dude,
Don't sprint after all his bits.
Because if you do,
Then, everyone's gonna be sprinting around
At the same time,
And you're likely going to run into someone by accident.
Which is a good tip!
Also, people were sayin'
To sprint along the side of the balls.
Because then, you might actually like-
Aah!
Jesus Christ!
Somebody was playin' as me.
Yes!
More dudes playin' as me.
Nyahh!
Fuck!
I need to trap this dude.
I need to get him.
I need to get him. No-
He ate my friends!
GAHD
FUCKING DAMMIT
He killed three Sammy septiceyes.
I-ah It's-a- what we're calling-
Sammy
Snake
Sammy Snake- I can't fuckin' spell.
Sammy Snake!
Let's GO!
Let's DO THIS!
Uhm
Yeah!
So if I kill someone,
And there's a big line of, like, balls all around,
Then to sprint alongside them.
Because the- Are they playing as me.
Is that anothe- Is that a septiceye skin.
(Warbled astonishment)
Fuck IT IS!
And there's an Irish skin right next to it!
Septiceyes unite!
Aagh!
Ffffff
FUCk it
Did you see that lag.
That like-
(Recreates scene with penetrating sounds and gestures)
Fuckin'-
Suck my ass.
God.
Not only is the game hard enough as it is,
And I suck at it anyway,
But havin' all that fucking lag flyin' around?
I ain't about that life.
I ain't about that.
FiX YOUR FUCKIN' SERVERS.
Actually, I shouldn't be complaining,
I don't really know what the lag is.
It's not on my end, anyway.
My internet is fine right now.
Jus' browsin' all the Reddits
And Youtubes earlier.
Everything was fine.
Kay, I'm goin' down into the middle.
Now-now it's the case of I, like, don't really care
If I do really well in the game.
Because
Just playin' around as my- as myself-
Playin' around as my own little snake-
That's fun already.
I don't need anything else.
I mean, it's great to win.
And I'd really like it if I could
And get number one, but I mean
What are the fuckin' chances of that happening.
Oh God, don't get trapped.
OH, the middle of the map is BAAD.
I keep forgetting that.
Oh God, that guy's lagging as well.
This is TERRIBLE.
WooOO pinks!
AAGHH!
JESUS
That was scary; Germany almost killed me.
Aagh!
He might still.
No. Fuck off.
I don't like the middle of the map.
Why'd I decide to come down here, Mommy?
Oh God, that's a big snake.
Are you Spain?
You kinda have Spanish colors in you.
Even though I couldn't see properly
'Cuz you were all glowy from the sprinty.
Oh Go- I'm gonna fuck this up.
YEAhh baby.
Imma fuck this up real so-
AAGHH
Jesus
No, no
NO
I'm out.
I'm out. I'm outie.
I'm outie.
OHH F-
FUCk
YEAHH!
OH YOU COME IN MA HOUSE
TRY TO KILL ME?
AIN'T NOTHING GONNA TAKE ME DOWN.
Jackaboy
Is ready to-
(Internal scream)
Aah! I clicked out of the game.
FUCK!
NOO!
WHY?!
Fuckin' stupid browser window!
Oh
I clicked out of it
Ohh
I hate my life.
I was doing so well. D,:
S'fine. I'm gonna get it all back.
Imma-Imma get it all back.
Aaaaall
Of it back
Don't even worry!
Really need to get out of the habit of saying that.
I tell people not to worry all the time,
But I'm the one who's worrying the most.
Always.
Aahh
Yeah
I got five little balls.
That's fuckin' great.
Lag city, bitch.
Lag, lag city
Bitch
Ten ten ten ten
1080p bitch
(Self-encouraging chuckle)
Fuckin'
Lag
S'lag central
L-lagarific
Lag-
Lagger.io
S' what we should call it.
You guys experiencing this lag too?
S'terrible.
It's an atrocity.
Especially when you're doin' so well.
Well, that last attempt was
All my fault
And it was
Terrible.
Whii-
I clicked out of my fuckin' browser window.
'Cuz I record like
(Technical jargon)
'Cuz I can't record this-
'Cuz I don't wanna record fuckin' 1440p
Ohh this is badness.
Ahm
So, I-I don't record like
Proper 100% fullscreen.
So I've recorded little windy-woo.
And then when I do that-
Ohh that dude died.
Oh God
Sep- FUUUCK!
OHH
The lag is going to drive me insane.
I've- ugh
And everyone's gonna be like,
Don't blame the lag, Jack.
Just blame that you suck-
NO
I'm gonna blame the fuckin' lag
'Cuz there is lag.
I'm gonna
Blame
The
Lag
There.
That's a good name.
That's a goo-
It's fine when you're tiny
Because stuff is easier to fly around and
Swish-swiddel around
A lot more.
Good God.
Like doin' this.
Why can't you control to these?
S'okay. Don't lose your mind.
Don't lose your head.
Aagh
Fuck
Other people that play the game are just fine and tolerate the bullshit.
Why can't I?
I can tolerate bullshit all I want.
Been doin' it for 26 years.
"Life is bullshit, man." (so inspiration)
This game is also bullshit, though.
How can I be losing so much
Playing as Sam?
S- AOHH
GOD
GO AWAY
Ye fuckin' bastards
Oh God. Why did I-
OHHH
WHOAA
Did they kill each other?
Fuck!
YEAHH
Head-on collision!
Try to take out my snake,
I'll fuckin' murder you.
WhoOOO
Feelin' Bossly
That dude just ran straght into me.
So did that fuckin' dude.
What is happening right now?
WHAT IS GOING ON?
Oh-
All the balls are mine.
All the-
FUCKIN' LAG BASTARDS!
WHOA
That's a big Sam!
WHOA Look at the size of him!
Oh, he's my big brother.
That guy's called No Lag
And I'm called Blame the lag
I want to follow this Sam.
God, God-
He's sprinting everywhere.
Is he going around everybody?
I want to know his name
'Cuz I want to know if he's like the top of the leaderboard.
Oh God, he stopped.
Oh God, am I being encircled.
No!
I am the real one!
Flip for fail
F-Flip of all
Okay
He's fuckin' eighth on the leaderboard,
And he's that size.
Oh Jesus
Oh
No
This is bad.
I'm scared.
Sam, save me.
I'm the one who created-
Well, actually no I didn't.
I didn't create Sam.
Everybody else did.
But I'm the one whose channel is the Sam.
Gimme some slack.
Except, people don't know that it's me.
Maybe I should just call myself jacksepticeye.
Maybe then people would be like,
Oh!
It's the real him!
'Cuz nobody else can call themselves jacksepticeye.
(subtle sarcasm)
It's how this game works.
(shimmy shammy wiggle)
(The face of despair.)
(Faint bear growling.)
Fine, fine.
Jack-septic-eye.
There we go.
No one has ever done this before.
I will win!
No, I won't.
I got that one really good round that while ago.
Got to number two.
Almost got to number one.
And I ffff
Fucked it all up.
Just fff
FUcked it all up.
That's what I should be called.
Jack-
Fucked-It-Up-Eye
Jack-
Go-Fuck-Yourself-Face
I'm stayin' in here.
I'm stayin' inside my own circle.
The circle of trust!
Circle of Power!
I don't play the game often enough to get
Any sort of tactics.
I almost died
Because I couldn't turn around fast enough.
What kind of malark is that?
If I may ask you myself?
Oh
God
Nyahhh
Ge-
YES!
Oh God that wasn't him.
FUCK
ME!
I was trying to turn!
OHH
CAROLINE
(Exasperated breath)
I was trying to turn around the other way,
And he went this way.
WHAT IS THAT?!
WHAT I-
Ughh
I will bring the wrath
Of a thousand badger buttholes upon you.
You have never seen-
You think you've seen buttholes before.
But until you've seen badger buttholes,
You don't even know what do.
I can be whatever I wanna am.
I can do this.
It's 'cuz you guys aren't believing in me.
I can feel the fuckin' doubt through the screen, okay?
Duohh
I can also feel my own suckage.
Can you feel the suckage radiating off me?
Yeah, ya can.
But no, BELIEVE!
Put your hand up to the screen right now.
Put your hands up to the screen right now and give me your energy.
I better fuckin' see you guys do that.
(DO IT!)
If I don't have that energy,
Then I'm gonna fail.
Whoa!
The lag helped me that time!
(And our energy?)
Thank you base la-lag gods.
(You're welcome!)
Nice.
That was funerific.
I think the highest I've gotten in this round so far is like a thousand.
That worm is a cool color.
It's kind of messing with my eyes.
Keep the mouse closer to your head and then you can turn faster,
But no.
Are you seeing how slow this shit is?
How am I supposed to-
Anything-
Why is there a dodge mechanic?
A sprint mechanic,
If you can't turn fast enough.
People come up in front of you, and then it's like,
Oh, sorry.
DEAD.
No.
I'm not- I'm not
Fuckin' falling for your nonsense.
I'm going over here.
No.
I'm going over here again.
Go away.
I see what you're tryin' to do.
I see what you're tryin' to do,
BECKY.
No, Becky.
You're supposed to be our friend.
Aaghh
BALLS!
This is why you don't sprint at shit.
That's why those little balls are in there.
Make you sprint after them,
And then
Ffff
Fuck you up.
That's it- we're going after big dudes.
We're going after big dudes while I'm small.
'Cuz I'm sick of this bullshit.
I'm sick of being taken advantage of.
Can't even sprint anymore.
God dammit.
Kay, get all the balls.
Get all the balls.
WHOOSH!
I pulled off the fuckin' tactic of the century . . .
(A cow grunting.)
This game makes me mad.
This game makes me madder than any other game that I play lately.
Even Super Mario Maker doesn't make me this mad.
(Breathing on a foggy window.)
It's all in the hips.
(Irish speak?)
Oh, Imma get you.
Oohh
You think you can survive the wrath of Jack?
Not today, BUDDY BOY!
I got this.
Everything that is in this game right now I got.
It's like a whole bag of stuff waiting to be got,
And I have it.
Ohh
Shite-nack
Ohhh
Ohh!
Did I make it?
I made it.
Oh God, I'm fuckin' trapped though.
This is a TERRIBLE idea!
OAHHH!
OAHH-
Ha hah.
Oh
Fuck
Oh God
What am I even doing?
I need to get out of this.
Ffff-
Hahahahahahaha
Ah ha hahaha
I survived
The hardest part of it all.
And I fucked it up at the end.
Ohhh-
That is life.
That is
A good lesson for life.
Don't go too far.
I can't even be mad at the game.
I can be mad at the lag,
But I can't be mad at the game
Because the game has cer- a set of parameters
That you got to follow.
And I can't do that.
Mother of Christ.
YEAHH baby, that works.
I know what to do,
I just can't do it half the time.
Yes.
Look at all these swiggle-swoos.
These are all my swiggle-swoos now.
Ha ha haah.
NO!
I see what you're trying to fuckin' do.
Get out of my neighborhood.
You can't come into my office.
Take a box full of ballpoints,
Kill my dog.
I don't roll that way.
I'm only 1997.
Aah! 2000
The greatest years
Look at all dese vherms!
All dese vherms thinking that they can kill people.
I AM THE ONE WHO KILLS!
Mmm
Motherfuckers!
See,
You thought you could survive.
Everybody thinks they can get away from Jack,
But I come back around and
Sss
Stick you in the back.
JACK ATTACK!
Yes.
Not doin' too badly now-
Ohhh
Fuck
Don't get greedy.
Don't get gree-
The fuckin' lagtasticness of this.
AHH!
I AM DONE RIGHT NOW
Trying to escape when you can't 'cuz you can't turn-
You can't tur-
This is a- angle-
Can't turn over it.
Must turn into it.
Can't turn around it.
MOTHERFUCKING LAG!
Kay, well I'm gonna leave this episode here.
You might notice that the episodes might be getting a small bit shorter.
But only because
My snake keeps getting shorter in every episode
'Cuz I can't make it long anymore.
Maybe I should rub it.
Hahahaa
I hate my life.
Anyway,
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode!
If you liked it,
PUNCH THE LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE
LIKE A BOSS!
And,
High fives all around.
Whapshh
Well thank you guys,
And I will see all you dudes
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
(~jacksepticeye theme song commences~)
(Wow, it took a few hours to caption this.)
(Imagine how much time Jack put into this video!)
(You should like it!)
(He deserves it ;)
(Peace out.)
It's a hard knock life
For Jack.
IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE
FOR JACK!