Mindfulness in everyday life. How to boost joy by being present?
Hi! I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins, I'm a professional psychologist. And I've learned a few things over
my career about how to operate the equipment. Either we drive our thoughts or our thoughts
drive us. By the end of this video, you'll have some concrete ideas about how to take a higher
level of control over your own thoughts. Let's get into some definitions first about what it
means to be present. And then I'll share three specific exercises that you can do to implement
it. Let's look at that word present. In the English language, there's at least three definitions for
present. What does it mean? It means here in this place. I'm present. It's kind of like when the
teacher used to take role. Calling your name and you would say present, meaning here. It also means
now. In this time. It's not future. It's not past. It's present. It's now. Present also means gift.
Like a birthday present. And there's a lot of reasons why I think being fully present is
actually a gift to ourselves and to everyone around us. Another definition that I'd like to
address at least briefly is mindfulness. Mindfulness to me means metacognition.
It's thinking about our own thinking. Mindfulness is where we get to be an
observer of the processes that are already going on in our own mind. And these are
processes that you can't turn off. They're always running at least in the background
if not in the forefront. Now, as a professional psychologist, I have to let you in on this too.
Depression and anxiety. Let's just talk about those two terms for a minute. When our focus is not in
the present in the here in the now in the gift, and it gets pulled into the past. And what used to be
or what was or what I regret or what I'm ashamed of that creates depression. Depression lives in a
past focus. Now, let's go over to anxiety. Because anxiety is about worry and fear and apprehension
about what is to be. And we don't even know what's coming. Oh, we think we do. And we get really good at
predicting things inaccurately. I experienced this just last week because I was training a group of
network marketing leaders to become more effective coaches with their downline. We were talking about
how we always predict things. Well, I pulled out a pair of dice, and I rolled the dice. And I
said before I rolled, I said now predict what it's going to be. Everybody just predict what
it's going to be. I rolled the dice, nobody got it. Oh, well, let's try again. I gathered up the dice and
I rolled them again with their new predictions. Nobody got it. We are really bad at predicting
things. Because we don't know what's coming in the future, but our brain tricks us into thinking that
we know. And so, follow that focus for a minute. When we come from the present, the here, the now, the gift,
and we get focused on the future and what is to be and what's coming and what could be or might be.
That's where anxiety lives. Notice that depression is a past focus, anxiety is a future focus
right now, right here, in the gift, in the present, we're good. Think about it. Do you have enough
time, love, money, attention, whatever it is that you think that you need? Do you have enough right now?
Now, I mentioned money. Because some people are like, I don't have enough money. Look, you don't
even need money right now. You're afraid that you're going to need some soon, and then that
causes you to feel anxiety, right? But right now we're good. Do you agree? Just check that out and
see where that takes you. You may be noticing as we have this conversation that it could always be
better or it could always be worse. So, when we look at our past and we think it. Could have been better
we feel worse about what we had? But it could have been worse too, right? And when we look
at the future. Well, it could be better and that's good news. Because we're going to go create that in
the future. But what if it's worse? And then that creates anxiety. We can always imagine something
better and something worse. I'm not going to get into all the psychology behind that on
today's video. But I want to give you access to a model that I've created, that helps you
to understand how to operate the equipment of your own mind. Just go to the URL on the screen
drpauljenkins.com/themodel. This is a full-color representation of a model that I
have developed, that helps you to understand the processes of your own mind. Go grab it, okay? I'll
just put it right in your inbox. Drpauljenkins.com/ themodel. And you'll learn a little bit more about
the psychology behind it. Now, let's get into those exercises because I promised you three.
And the first one has to do with mindfulness and being present. So, play along with me here for just
a minute as we do this exercise together. I want you to clear your mind, which is easier said than
done, I know. But just clear your mind as much as you can of everything to remain present with me
right here right now. And I'm going to give you a prompt. When I give you the prompt. Don't try
to think about something. Don't try to steer your brain in any particular direction. I just
want you to watch and see what happens. See, mindfulness is becoming an observer of your
own mind. So, just watch and see what happens when I give you the prompt, okay? Now, you're ready? Here
we go. Here's the prompt. I wonder what thought I'll have next. Now, watch. What did you notice?
What did you notice is I gave you that prompt. Now, whatever it was is fine. Some people notice that
they just keep watching to see what's going to happen and nothing really happens. And some people
there's a little bit of a delay, and then they think oh, I really need to pick up the dry cleaning
today, or whatever it is that was on their mind before and they see that thought come into their
mind. Clear your mind again. Let's just try it one more time, okay? Now, it might be exactly the same.
It might be totally different. Whatever it is is fine. Clear your mind and just watch what happens.
I wonder what thought I'll have next. And what did you notice that time?
Like I said, it might have been the same thing. It might have been something totally different. It
doesn't matter. I just want you to notice. And most of the clients that I take through this exercise
experience an interesting thing that they hadn't noticed before. And that is that their mind is
waiting to see what happens. That's interesting. Here's another version of that. I want you to just
watch your own thinking, be mindful. Watch your own thinking and notice what happens between
now and now. Okay, I just gave you a little gap of time there. What did you notice? Should we
try it again? Okay, here we go. Ready? Watch what happens between now and now. What did you notice?
Whatever it is is fine. Most people notice it's quiet in there. Wait, it's quiet in there? Isn't it
kind of noisy most of the time? Yeah, because we're thinking about this and that and everything else.
When you exercise mindfulness. When you just observe your thoughts. One of the things that
I hope you notice is that the natural state of your mind is peace. It's quiet. It's quiet in there.
You're waiting to see what happens. And then stuff comes in fairly quickly. But that's good to know.
That's an exercise that you can repeat anytime that you want. Here's another exercise that's
fairly easy to do and it helps us to get into that present mindful state. And it is hyper-focusing on
some ordinary object. So, I've done this before with a raisin for example. If you have a raisin
around, you can do this. And just take that raisin between your two fingers and just look at it. Study
it. Focus on it. Think about it. Turn it around a little bit. Continue to focus and keep. If your mind
tries to go somewhere else. Just pull it right back to the raisin. You can use other simple items. Like
this pen. I can study and look at the different reflections that are happening on the surface of
that pen. I can think about where its origins were and how it was created to start with and
what it does for me in my life. So, you do this and and give yourself a couple of minutes to simply
hyper-focus on some ordinary item in your life. This is a form of meditation actually. It's a way
of inviting your brain to follow your instructions. And if it gets distracted, you just pull it back.
Just notice that and pull it back. And time yourself, set a little timer or something do it
for two minutes. Then see if you can do it for five minutes, maybe 10 minutes, and just see what happens.
Notice what's happening emotionally. Notice what's going on in your own mind. That's another exercise
you can try. Now, the final exercise that I'm going to suggest to you today, simply has to
do with being fully present. Try doing this in some routine activity that you do every day. Like
washing the dishes for example. See, a lot of times when we're doing a task like washing the dishes,
our mind goes on vacation somewhere. It's somewhere else. It's not here. It's not now. It's not in the
gift in the present. Focus on exactly what it is that you're doing. So, if it's washing the dishes,
notice every feeling, every sensation, every experience that's tied into washing the dishes
here and now. Feel the warm water on your hands. Notice the texture of the dishes or of the soap.
Notice the simple truth that you've got dishes to wash. How cool is that? Whatever it is that
you can do to remain present in that moment. Now, can you do it while you're washing the
dishes? Yeah, don't give your mind a vacation. Stay here. Stay now. Stay present. Stay in the gift. What
about when you're playing with your kids? One of the mistakes that I see a lot of parents make is
that they're in the space, they're in the present here with their kids. But their mind is somewhere
else or they're on their digital device or they're scrolling through social media or
they're thinking about that appointment they have tomorrow. Be present. Be here and now and
fully engaged. When you're playing with the kids, be there with your kids. When you're doing the dishes,
be fully present doing the dishes or the laundry or brushing your teeth or walking down the street.
Practice being present. You know, I have to comment also as a professional psychologist.
We have research that shows that most of the mental health issues that we deal with. Get back
to what I shared earlier about depression being a past focus, anxiety being a future focus. When
we're here and now. When we can keep our mind present. We improve our mental health. And that
is a gift to remember one of the definitions of present is a gift. What kind of a gift is that to
your kids if you're really fully present. I think you'll find some neat ways to apply that. Remember,
I promised you earlier to give you a copy of the model that I've developed that helps to operate
the equipment of your own mind. You can find that at drpauljenkins.com/themodel. Go grab
it. I'll put it right in your inbox so that you will have the operating instructions on hand.