I'm scared, too,
about the mess you're going to have to clean up
when I tear this guy apart.
Oh!
Nice outfit, pops.
Finally got the dad clothes to match your dad bod.
Oh!
I'm gonna beat you so hard,
your face is gonna match that claw.
Oh!
What you reading?
It's this really interesting article about how annoying it is
when someone reads over your shoulder.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate those people.
Real click, click that link right there.
Well, I called my friends,
but none of them wanted to come to your nerd party.
So, I'm trashing the place
so that when Dad gets back, he'll think you threw one.
Can you call them back and tell them it's a cool party?
They know you, won't work.
Hey, who's this? Your mom?
No, she's not my mom.
Your girlfriend?
Hey, I got the pine needles you wanted to cover the trap.
Oh, my God, where'd the trap go?
- He's loveless. - Huh? What?
- Has no friends. - Oh.
He's utterly along, and why?
Hey, for your information, I-
Because he made a commitment to the city of Swellview.
Man, I didn't realize until right now
that you have no friends.
Oh, hey, Hen.
Hey, Char.
Oh, how was your student council meeting?
Oh, it was really good.
Next semester, we're planning a bake sale to raise money-
Wow, that sounds great.
- This villain once robbed a- - Big left.
- Are you serious, dude? - What?
You're not- You haven't given any of these villains a chance.
The last one's name was Bad Guy.
I'm not gonna match with anybody
that can't come up with a better name than that.
Yeah, okay, Captain Man.
What did you say?
Okay, okay, okay. More matches, more matches.
We're gonna do more matches.
I got help.
You brought another guy tied to a chair.
I brought Henry tied to a chair.
Well, who the heck is Henry?
What's up, dude? I'm Henry.
I'm the babysitter.
I'm about to lay waste to a lot of you.
[laughing]
- Honey. - What's so funny?
I don't think you'll be laying waste
to anyone. [chuckles]
Ow.
I was just about to beat you.
Well, sometimes the cat likes to play with the mouse
before she kills it.
Yeah, well, sometimes
the cat hurts the mouse's feelings.
Piper. Hey, Piper. Hey. Hang on.
Yeah?
I'm thinking this isn't such a smart idea.
Well, if you think that, then it's got to be smart.
Thanks. Wait.
It's a club for kids.
They're not going to let old people in.
Well, fortunately, I don't look old, so.
[laughing] Okay.
And to prove it, I'm going to go down to Club Soda tonight
where they will let me in. How about that?
Fine, and if you fail to get it, which you will,
we'll take away your toy train for a week.
No. No. Yes, yes. Yes. No. Maybe.
Yes. Fine. It's challenge.
Good. Oh, and don't forget to moisturize.
Wouldn't want your wrinkle's giving you away.
Oh, you have [unintelligible]
Take that back.
Hey, will you guys, hurry up?
I'm parked in a handicapped spot.
You're not supposed to do that.
I'm also not supposed to have a driver's license, but I do.
Now let's go.
Alright, just a sec.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick.
Why?
To take a tennis lesson.
Uh... okay.
Well, since you were just very sarcastic to me,
now you can't have a lick of my ice cream cone.
Love the new grill, Manchester.
You know, I was thinking about getting veneers myself.
Now I'm thinking not.
What do you want, Shapen?
A wealthy husband with a week to live.
But for now, I just want to drop off your new student.
Get in here, dummy.
Hey. Welcome to S.W.A.G., Mitch.
Oh, dude, what's with the beaver teeth?
Right. [laughing]
See ya in the clouds, ground walkers!
[laughing]
Can't believe you thought you could fly.
You literally fell for it.
Not cool, Schwoz.
[laughing]
- You're good. - Piper, what are you doing?
Checking boys for broken arms.
Oh. Uh. [stammering]
I know you're good. Get outta here.
Also, maybe change that sweatshirt sometime,
cowboy.
We can not infect the old one.
Hey, I am not old, I'm 36.
Infect the handsome one.
Hey, we're both equally handsome.
Well.
Where's Ray?
What?
Where- Where'd he go?
I thought you were watching him.
I was plotting a course like Schwoz told me to.
Can't you do that and watch him at the same time?
Well, can't you do nothing and watch him at the same time?
Oh, wow.
Okay, okay, okay.
You are used to Mika Macklin. Get ready for Mika Smacklin.
Dear Arch Poop Turdando.
Whoa!
Yeah [unintelligible]
Just thought you'd like to see the sculpture
that's gonna kick your eyes.
Whoa!
I tried to call you, but you never answered.
I left you voicemails.
Voicemails, who leaves voicemails?
Why didn't you just text him?
- He's old. - I'm not old.
Who cares how old Ray is?
36.
You didn't talk to her.
I let my eyes do the talking.
Yeah, they said, "Duh. Duh duh duh."
Ray, do you just skip Blood Day
or do you have a religious exemption from it?
Oh oh!
Nice! Nice!
Hilarious. You're supposed to be roasting the dummy.
I think she just did.
Oh!
[laughing]
No, no, talk to the dummy.
Okay. Hey, dummy,
how does it feel knowing you and Ray Manchester have
the same number of adult friends?
Oh!
[laughing]
You literally have no shirt,
but somehow it's still bigger than the ones Ray wears.
Yeah!
I wear normal sized shirts, so.
Yeah, normal for a doll.
[chuckles]
This shirt is a European L.
Uh, does the L stand for a little too small?
Ha!
No, it stands for Leave me alone. Okay?
Like Henry does every time you text him.
Oh oh oh!
What are you doing here?
Feeling good, looking better.
No. I mean, why would Josh Moss invite you
to her Sweet 16?
I'm internet famous. I get invited to everything.
What are you two doing here... in tuxedos?
Standing over an unconscious guy?
Uh...
- See, uh, we- - Are-
- Waiters. - Uh, what?
Yeah, we're waiters.
[groaning]
Well, yeah, we're just, uh-
How do I look?
No.
Oh. Uh, you here to pick up your son?
What? No. I'm here to party, son.
We have an age limit here.
What?
Well, I am at least that young, or younger probably.
I can't remember my exact age
cause my young brain is still developing.
[barking] Benny that dog with a hat.
Hey, love the new hat.
- Hey. - What?
You're gonna let him in? He's like 50 in dog years.
Yeah, and you're like 50 in human years.
That's offensive, and you'll be hearing
from my attorney.
[laughing]
[groaning]
Hey, uh, remember to bring a walker next time, grand dad.
I don't need a walker!
Canadium.
A person from Canada. Mium.
It's cadmium, atomic number 48.
Category, transition metal.
Oh, and once again, Charlotte gets the answer right.
Shocker.
Didn't see that coming.
[laughing]
Yeah. Too bad I don't know the atomic number
for idiot boys.
Hey! Oh! Hey!
Good for you, Charlotte.
Okay.
Now there's a reason to get violent.
Let's drag this cyborg's hard drive to the trash bin.
We're gonna control, alt, delete this dude soul!
Send him crying back to his mother board.
What's your deal, old man?
Oh!
You listen to me, you little- Ah!
Is that Ticklewhaz?
- Debbie? - You know this guy, Mom?
Sure do.
Went to elementary school with him.
Why'd you call him Ticklewhaz?
I'll show you.
Are you the Ticklewhaz? [unintelligible]
Are you gonna wet your pants?
Alright, that's enough. What's your deal, Debbie? Huh?
Ya hang out with a bunch of mean kids,
wearing matching jackets and looking mean
and also being mean.
Pretty much, except now I run a school.
No way, him too.
My school teaches kids
the ancient art of Swellview street fighting.
What's yours teach, pants whazzing?
[laughing]
No. I don't teach that, cause I don't do that.
Anymore.
Hey, did you know that there is a button
you can press on your keyboard
that lets you type without any sound?
Don't.
I don't believe you.
I'm serious. Let me show you.
Don't.
Okay.
[banging]
There. Now, no one will hear you type.
I'm saying you wear a wire.
- Oh, like a microphone. - Uh-huh.
- Okay. - And then, at school,
you casually start fa conversation with Mitch.
Get him to admit that he's the one
who really tried to steal the candy boot.
Then, we take the recording to the cops
and boom Jasper's out.
Okay. Okay, that's good.
But, I mean, how am I going to get Mitch to admit it?
Dude, you're like a million times smarter than he is.
You really think so?
Yeah.
Piper, I don't how to get you a boyfriend.
I know. You don't know how to do anything.
[trumpeting]
[laughing]
Oh, my God.
So much worse.
What? The- They're veneers. They're like perfect fake teeth.
I just had my dentist put 'em in.
You did that to your grill on purpose?
Yeah? You guys don't like 'em?
[laughing]
You better close your mouth, Ray.
The Tooth Fairy is gonna put a bounty on you.
Can you even close your mouth? [laughing]
Hey, uh, the Easter Bunny called,
he wants his teeth back.
Ah. [laughing]
Hey, I got the scissors, so- Holy molars.
We're going to need a bigger boat.
I think Jaw's just walked in.
[laughing]
Well, I'll catch him, and when I do
he's going to be covered in... handcuffs.
What are you talking about?
I think someone doesn't know how handcuffs work.
Oh! Burn!
Well you won't be laughing at me when I catch him.
I'm laughing right now, okay?
I mean I'll be laughing and so will Grady
because he'll be the one to- [phone ringing]
Oh, thank God, the phone! The phone is ringing!
Danger Force. How can I help you?!
Oh, you're in danger?!
At Duke E. Dawgs! We'll be right there!
Everyone, shut up and pop a gumball!
We have a 9150 in progress!
What is a 9150?
If that's code for murdering a joke,
we just had one right here. Right?
Oh!
I was being Kid Danger,
and my job was to get information from her.
And what information where you're trying to find out,
what her mouth tastes like?
MomCon is a convention of moms.
It's the mother of all conventions.
And it comes to Swellview every year.
And there's only two ways to get into MomCon.
Be a mom, or work security.
Yeah, and, uh, last year, Ray's mom costume was terrible.
Look. Can you believe it?
[laughing]
He's so desperate. He needs it so bad,
cause he's a loser.
[whining] I thought I told you two to leave.
I'm sorry. Mika isn't home right now.
If you'd like to leave a message,
I'll still ignore you.
Ah, I don't think that's Mika.
And the fur dumpster wins a prize.
Keys to my freedom?
[laughing] No.
So, who are you? Cause you look like Mika.
Oh. Really?
How about now?
[gasping]
Whoo.
Wait. Who are you?
Wait. Sorry. No idea who you are.
- I'm a quick gaspar. - [unintelligible]
Are you Trent Overunder?
I'm Rick Twitler, Captain Man's greatest enemy.
Actually, that's me.
Actually, it's not.
Captain Man's greatest enemy is the slow march of time.
Ooh, snap.
He's not mad yet, but he's going to be
when I tell him some really bad news.
He finally has to put his real birthday
- on his license? - No.
What, the news found out he dyes his hair?
No. The nominations for the Supies came out today.
Love soup. Nothing better on a scorching hot day.
The Supies are the annual award show
for superheroes,
and Captain Man isn't nominated
for anything. Again.
Not even for most likely to refer to himself as hot
for absolutely no reason?
After that, we start our own practice.
[groaning] Shut up!
Do bad guys always talk this much?
Ah, usually, yeah but most of the time
people don't see this part.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. What, are we boring you
with this incredibly detailed explanation
of our ten year plan?
Yes. Zap us or let us go.
Uh, I vote no zappy.
Either way, just stop talking.
[cheering]
[giggling]
Thanks, Trent. Mary.
Frankini.
Last night I saw the non-musical adaptation
of
I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm being told
we have a better theater critic in the studio.
And this one doesn't skip coworker's birthdays.
Oh, please, Mary, how many times can you turn 29?
Whoa!
[groaning]
How many stairs are there?!
[groaning]
Ten Man Caves?
One on top of the other.
It's like a man cave Diaz Leches cake.
What's a shelgon crystal?
Enough with the stupid questions.
Charlotte needs it. I'll go get it.
Does anyone else smell burnt hair?
Mom, what did I just say about stupid questions?
- [unintelligible] manual. - Yeah.
Ow. Who threw this manual?
Uh, uh, some guy.
Charlotte, will you please finish up
this diagnostic test,
so we can get this thing up in the air? Thank you.
Oh, sure. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to waste you guys' time
while I was pulling this manual out of my eye.
- Apology accepted. - It's okay.
Here's your manual.
Oh, no, you've got me. Whatever will I do?
Don't look down. It'll just freak you out.
[screaming]
Where'd you take 'em?
He'll be back.
Scotty might want to back up a little bit.
Trip, let me get a crossmaster right around... here.
[screaming]
[thudding]
That's what I call... breaking news.
What are you wearing?
Beard hair.
[mumbling]
That's disgusting.