>> Kat: IT WAS THEIR CRIME OF
PASSION TO STEAL OTHERS’
FASHION.
[LAUGHTER]
AMERICA’S FAVORITE BALD CRIMINAL
CROSS-DRESSER IS BACK IN THE
NEWS.
NO, NOT JESSE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
SAM BRINTON!
THE LEX LUTHOR OF NONBINARY
GOVERNMENT HACKS WAS BUSTED ONCE
AGAIN, FOR ALLEGEDLY STEALING
YET ANOTHER SUITCASE FULL OF
CLOTHES.
WHO NEEDS THAT MANY SUITCASES?
I ONLY NEED 12.
THIS TIME, AT HOUSTON-BASED
FASHION DESIGNER CLAIMS SHE LOST
A BAG OF CUSTOM-MADE DRESSES AT
A D.C. AIRPORT BACK IN 2018.
FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT IS NOT
MAYOR PETE’S FAULT!
[APPLAUSE] YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHERE THE
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHERE THE CLOTHES TURNED UP.
CLOTHES TURNED UP.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Jeanine: JOEY, THAT’S YOU!
>> Kat: CLOSE, VERY CLOSE!
>> Joey: I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU
GOT THAT PICTURE!
>> Kat: BUT GUESS AGAIN.
IN A TWEET, THE DESIGNER SAID
SHE SPENT HER ONE-OF-A-KIND
DRESS.
HOUSTON-BASED FASHION DESIGNER,
WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
IT APPEARS THAT SAM ROAD-TESTED
MORE THAN ONE THING FROM THE
BAD, SHOWING UP AT VARIOUS
EVENTS WEARING DESIGNS THAT BEAR A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO THE
A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO THE
STOLEN DRESSES.
IT IS A MOVE REQUIRING A LOT OF
BALLS.
[LAUGHTER] NO MATTER HOW THEY TUCK ’EM!
NO MATTER HOW THEY TUCK ’EM!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THE FASHION DESIGNER REPORTED IT
TO POLICE, AND THE FBI CONTACTED
HER, BUT THEY HAVEN’T HEARD
ANYTHING SINCE GIVING THEM THE
INFORMATION.
BUT, KNOWING SAM AND AIRPORTS, IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE WE GET
IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE WE GET
ANOTHER BAGGAGE CLAIM.
[THUNDER SOUND EFFECTS]
OH, MAN.
JEFF, IF SOMEONE FOUND YOUR
LUGGAGE, WHAT WOULD THEY FIND?
>> Jeff: JUST A TON OF REALLY
NICE DRESSES LIKE THIS WITH
CAPES ON THEM ON THEM.
>> Kat: [LAUGHS] >> Jeff: NO, NO, NO.
>> Jeff: NO, NO, NO.
THIS IS TWO SEGMENTS IN A ROW, I
FEEL VERY EMBARRASSED BY THE
SPIRIT I’VE WORKED FOR NBC SO
LONG, I THOUGHT IT WAS A "WHO
ARE BEST?" SECTION.
I FEEL EMBARRASSED.
I WAS GOING TO GO WITH THE LADY
FROM HOUSTON PAGES BECAUSE I
LIKE LADIES.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Tyrus: THAT’S FAIR.
YOU GOT TO GO WITH WHAT YOU --
>> Jeff: NOT EVERYONE DID A
GREAT, BUT ONE IS WAY BETTER
LOOKING.
>> Joey: LADIES ON THE STREETS
AND MAYBE FREAKS IN THE DRESSES,
IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING?
>> Jeff: NO, I LIKE IT JUST
LADIES.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Tyrus: AGAIN, YOU’VE GOT TO
GO WITH WHAT YOU KNOW.
>> Kat: JOEY, WHAT WOULD YOU
SAY IF YOU MET THIS PERSON?
I FEEL LIKE I WOULD JUST GO WITH
"BRUH."
WHICH IS GENDER-NEUTRAL, BY THE
WAY.
>> Joey: I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
ON THIS LAST NIGHT.
THE SIDE-BY-SIDE OF THE DRESSES,
THE PATTERNS DON’T MATCH UP.
I REALIZED -- THIS IS HOW YOU
KNOW IT’S A DUDE AND THAT IT OR
THEY ARE ANYTHING ELSE.
THIS IS A DUDE.
HE PUT THE DRESS ON BACKWARDS
AND PROBABLY HAD NO IDEA.
[LAUGHTER]
THE FORENSIC ANALYSIS, IF I PUT
A DRESS ON, ALL MY ZIPPERS ARE
IN THE FRONT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
EASY ACCESS, IT’S NECESSARY.
THAT IS A DUDE IN LIPSTICK.
I DON’T CARE WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT
ITSELF AT ANY POINT IN TIME.
HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PUT
THE DRESS ON.
ALSO, THE BALLS ON THIS GUY TO
GO STEAL A FASHION DESIGNER’S
BAG WITH A BUNCH OF
ONE-OF-A-KINDS?
HE HAD TO PICK THAT OUT ON
PURPOSE.
>> Kat: ALWAYS USE THE CORRECT
PRONOUNS.
I’LL SAY "THEY IS A [BLEEP]
IDIOT."
"DID YOU SEE THAT PSYCHO?
THEY IS INSANE."
JUDGE, YOU ARE A JUDGE.
[LAUGHTER]
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CASE LIKE
THIS IN YOUR COURT OF LAW?
>> Jeanine: NO, NEVER.
BUT THIS IS A CLASSIC BIDEN
EMPLOYEE.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THEY LIKE THAT.
>> Kat: THEY LIKE THAT ONE!
>> Jeanine: IF A GUY IS WITH
THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY, IS
THAT ANY SURPRISE WHEN THE SAME
DEPARTMENT HE WANTS ALL OF US
WHO CAN’T AFFORD IT TO BUY
ELECTRIC VEHICLE?
THIS IS HIS THIRD OR FOURTH
SUITCASE AND THEY DIDN’T WANT TO
LET HIM GO.
FIRST OF ALL, WHEN YOU FIRE HIM
JUST FOR LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT?
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I GET THAT’S NOT A CRIME, BUT
THAT’S NOT MY COURTROOM.
>> Jeff: ERA JUDGE, YOU CAN’T
FIRE HIM FOR THAT!
>> Jeanine: YOU DON’T KNOW ME,
DO YOU?
[LAUGHTER]
>> Joey: MY OFFICE IS NEXT TO
HERS AND SHE 1000% WOULD.
>> Kat: SHE DOES CALLS
DIFFERENT PLACES SHE DOESN’T
WORK AND FIRES PEOPLE.
THEY LISTEN.
I WOULD.
TYRUS, HOW MANY MORE OF THESE DO
THINK THERE ARE?
>> Tyrus: OH, THERE’S
HUNDREDS.
WE ARE ALL LAUGHING, BUT YOU
REALIZE HE SAID HE TOLD THIS
LADY.
HE FOLLOWED HER.
>> Joey: THAT’S WHAT I’M
SAYING.
>> Tyrus: MY CONCERN, WHY
WOULD SOMEBODY STEAL SOMEBODY
ELSE’S CLOTHES TO HIDE THEIR
DNA.
THAT’S THE WAY I LOOK AT IT.
FOR REAL.
HAVE YOU SEEN SOME OF THIS
DUDE’S PHOTOS?
UNFORTUNATELY GUTFELD FORCED US
ALL TO SEE THEM.
IT HAS PUPS IN ALL THIS WEIRD
STUFF HE DOES COME AND A LOT OF
IT IS NEFARIOUS, AND IT SEEMS TO
BE.
SO IF YOU’RE WEARING OTHER
PEOPLE’S STUFF, THE DNA IS ALL
OVER THE PLACE AND SOMEBODY ELSE
COULD BE BLAMED FOR YOUR CRIME.
YOU GOT SCARED ABOUT YOUR
EXTENSIONS BECAUSE YOU DON’T
KNOW WHAT THEY DID.
WHAT IF THEY WERE A MURDERER?
SO IT’S MORE THAN JUST STEALING
BAGS.
HE’S TARGETING WOMEN, STEALING
THEIR BELONGINGS, AND I WOULD
JUST LIKE TO SAY, TSA ALWAYS
STOPS ME WHEN I HAVE MY LUGGAGE
AND ASKED ME FOR MY I.D.
AND I HAD ONE SAY, "WHERE’S
TYRUS AT?"
AND I SAID, "IT’S THE T IN THE
MIDDLE.
MAY I GO?"
WHAT ARE WE DOING, AIRPORT
SECURITY?
>> Joey: THEY ALWAYS STOP ME
AND SAY, "SIR, ARE YOU SURE
THOSE ARE YOUR LEGS?"
[LAUGHTER]
>> Jeff: AND HE IS STEALING
WOMEN’S’ STRUGGLE.
>> Kat: SERIAL KILLERS WHO
KEEP TROPHIES, THEY LIKES TO
WEAR THE CLOTHES AND POST
TROPHIES FROM THE SCENE OF THE
CRIME!
IDIOT!
>> Tyrus: HE’S LIKE A VILLAIN
WHEN BATMAN RUNS OUT OF [BLEEP]
TO ARREST.
THE WRITER IS LIKE, "WE NEED A
NEW VILLAIN!
HELD OUT A GUY WHO STEALS