All my friends right now, they're
talking, they're worried.
They're talking about losing weight
and everyone's freaking out
about gaining weight.
And I'm like, what?
I just hit my goal weight, like this is--
thank you, this is it.
I don't want to lose too much.
This is my sweet spot.
I like to stay at a sturdy 250.
That way I will never be kidnapped.
(audience laughing)
It's true.
Did you know if you get too skinny,
if you get too little, somebody can
literally pick you up and take you.
(audience laughing)
You hear the story on the news
all the time.
Some lady was found in a suitcase.
How did she fit in a suitcase?
(audience laughing)
Not me.
I'm I will not be taken.
(audience laughing)
Carl does not have a particular set
of skills, you guys.
(audience laughing)
The only thing my dad's good at
is lectures and putting tools
on that board
with like the little holes in it.
(audience laughing)
No one's looking for me.
Just because somebody's skinny,
they don't have it really good
either.
Nobody's really got it good.
I had a friend.
She was really skinny.
She was really-- she was like--
(audience laughing)
you get the idea.
She was like really thin.
And when we would go out,
people would say things.
They would snicker, and sometimes
people would yell things at her.
One time there was these people that
yelled.
They were like, "hey, eat a sandwich!"
Ooh, yeah, that's not nice.
Don't yell that.
She'd get upset.
It would ruin our night.
And I'd get a little jealous,
because nobody yells at me,
eat a sandwich.
(audience laughing)
Could you imagine if they did,
though?
If somebody yelled at me,
eat a sandwich, I'd be like, oh,
wow.
Thank you so much.
(audience laughing)
I was so hungry, you guys.
Thank you.
Is there a Jimmy John's around here?
(audience laughing)
I kind of felt like pizza,
but I can eat, it's OK.
No, they don't yell, eat a sandwich.
Oh, so rude.
And how dumb is that?
Let's yell things at people
that they were already going to do
for themselves today.
What if you just ran around yelling,
hey, drink your water!
(audience laughing)
Hey, you!
Take a nap!
Go get a pedicure!
(audience laughing)
Better than, eat a sandwich.
Geez.
Try it sometime.
That might make the world
a little bit better.
Oh, man.
People have different names
for girls with my shape, my size.
They like to call us curvy,
or thick, or Rubenesque, which
sounds delicious.
(audience laughing)
But I identify as--
the way I describe myself, I just
call myself hot.
(audience cheering)
Thank you.
Yeah.
And I just think us hot girls,
we need something of our own.
We need like a handshake,
or a union,
or just something of our own.
Because other groups have it.
Have you seen this?
Have you seen this, if you ride
a motorcycle, they have something
of their own
if they pass each other, right?
I saw some beards, you guys
know what I'm talking.
You pass people
and you're like, hey, hey bro.
Maybe it's this hand.
They're like, hey, hey.
Maybe they'll throw their head back
this far but it's like, I see you,
bro.
Right?
Yeah.
Jeep people do it too.
There's like a Jeep wave.
That's a thing.
If you pass another Jeep,
they're like, hey.
Hey, bro.
I see you.
And I just think us hot girls,
we need something of our own
so that when we're out in the wild
we can just be like, hey.
Something subtle, something small,
maybe just like a, hey.
(audience cheering)
Not a lot.
Don't be gross.
Just the cutlet, just a little bit.
(audience laughing)
Hey, girl.
(audience laughing)
Where'd you get that dress?
(audience laughing)
Just a little.
Or maybe, eat a sandwich.
(audience laughing)
Just to be like, I see you.
Try it sometime.
(audience laughing)