MY NEXT GUEST IS THE HOST OF A FUNNY, STRANGE, AND WONDERFUL
SHOW ON ADULT SWIM.
PLEASE WELCOME ERIC ANDRE!
♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: PLEASE, RIGHT THERE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> OH, MY NIPPLES ARE ERECT!
>> Stephen: ARE THEY REALLY?
I'M RED HOT.
I FEEL GREAT.
>> Stephen: I'M GLAD.
ARE YOU EXCITED -- >> I'M EXCITED.
I'M VERY TITILATED RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET SIDE BY SIDE IN A BATHTUB WITH
SOMEONE?
>> I WILL TONIGHT IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT YOU HANDSOME
HUNK.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT YOU WERE EXCITED ABOUT THE FIRST FEMALE
CANDIDATE.
>> I WASN'T WATCHING.
>> Stephen: BIG NIGHT.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH HILLARY CLINTON.
>> I KNOW PAUL SANGUS.
DOWIO KNOW HIM?
>> Stephen: GOOD MAN.
EVERYONE LIKES A REFERENCE TO PAUL SNOOFLT YOU'RE A FELLOW
TALK SHOW HOST.
>> YEAH, BUT YOU'RE GOOD AT IT AND I'M BAD AT IT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT IT.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOUR TALK SHOW IS THAT YOU DO NOT SEEM TO CARE.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: LIKE, PROFESSIONALLY, YOU DON'T CARE
AT A APPROVAL LEVEL.
>> THAT IS PART OF MY STRATEGY.
I DON'T GIVE A F.
>> Stephen: WHOA, WE'RE LIVE, BABY.
>> IS THIS PG OR PG-13?
THE F STANDS FOR FUN, OKAY?
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: ONE OF MY FAVORITE
THINGS ABOUT YOU IS YOU DON'T MIND MAKING PEOPLE FEEL
UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I LOVE AWKWARDNESS.
I LOVE PUTTING MYSELF IN EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS.
>> I GET RED HOT WHEN I DO IT, YES.
>> Stephen: YOU RECENTLY WENT TO THE R.N.C.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT WAS FUN.
I JAMMED OUT WITH ALEX JONES.
HE'S A WAR AGAINST INFO.
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: HE'S SO ON A WAR
AGAINST INFO HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE NATION,
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THEMATION.
>> HE JUST WANTS THE INFO.
>> Stephen: WE ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH.
WE HAVE A CLIP.
>> HEY!
BRING "THE DAILY SHOW" GUY UP HERE.
YOU SEEM UPSET.
>> I WANT YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH MY WIFE.
(BOOING) (ARGUING)
>> I'M TRYING TO GET ON STAGE.
I'M TRYING TO GET ON STAGE.
>> YOU'RE NOT MARTIN LUTHER KING!
YOU'RE NOT!
>> COACHELLA SUCKS THIS YEAR!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: NOW, WAS AT THE
HARD TO GET UP ON STAGE WITH THAT CROWD?
>> THAT WAS AN OPEN CARRY STATE, OHIO.
EVERYBODY HAD GUNS AND KNIVES AND I'M, LIKE, I'M GOING TO DIE.
THIS IS WHERE MY LIFE ENDS.
>> Stephen: YOU MISJUDGED THE CROWD.
YOU OWE THEM AN APOLOGY.
>> I'M SORRY, CROWD.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO THE DEMOCRATIC --
>> DID GO TO THE D.N.C.
WE'RE GOING TO PUT OUT A D.N.C.
VIDEO.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE VIBE?
IT WAS A LITTLE MORE MELLOW.
THEY SMOKE A LITTLE MORE WEED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S ALLOWED ANYMORE.
THE W WORD, THEY SMOKE A LITTLE MORE WEED AT THE BERNIE RALLIES
THAN AT THE HELL'S ANGELS FOR TRUMP RALLIES.
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: I TRIED TO GET ON
STAGE AT BOTH PLACES.
IT WAS MUCH EASIER TO GET ON STAGE AT THE R.N.C. THAN THE
D.N.C.
>> REALLY?
WE GOT OUR PASSES REVOKED AT THE R.N.C. SO WE COULDN'T GET NEAR
THE D.N.C.
WE GOT OUR PASSES THROUGH A COMPANY WHO I CAN'T MENTION.
>> Stephen: WHY CAN'T YOU MENTION THE COMPANY?
>> BECAUSE I WILL GET IN TROUBLE AT MY JOB, MR. COLBERT!
>> Stephen: BUT DON'T YOU GET IN TROUBLE FOR A LIVING?
>> I DO FOR A LIVING BUT NOT WITH THE BRASS AT HEADQUARTERS.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> I WANT TO HAVE A FIFTH SEASON OF THE SHOW.
>> Stephen: WHEN DOES THE FOURTH SEASON START?
>> AUGUST 5.
NOT THIS FRIDAY, NEXT FRIDAY.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> I GOT THIS MADE IN CENTRAL
PARK TODAY.
IT IS A REPRESENTATION OF OUR LOVE.
THIS IS FOR YOU, STEPHEN COLBERT.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THIS IS YOU?
YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOU?
I CAN'T TELL WHO'S YOU OR WHO'S ME.
I THINK THAT'S EDWARD SNOWDEN, ACTUALLY.
(LAUGHTER) >> Stephen: OR IT MIGHT BE
BILLIE JEAN KING.
>> IT'S MACY GRAY.
I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT.
(SINGING) >> Stephen: IS THIS FOR ME?
YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU SIGN IT FOR ME?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S A JOINT (LAUGHTER)
NO, IT'S A CHARCOAL PEN.
>> Stephen: DID YOU DRAW THIS?
YEAH, I DREW IT.
WHATEVER.
>> Stephen: DID YOU LIKE GETTING IN TROUBLE WHEN YOU WERE
A KID, TOO?
>> YES, I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
I DID.
I GOT SUSPENDED A LOT FROM SCHOOL.
I GOT STRAIGHT As, BUT I ALWAYS GOT --
>> Stephen: REALLY?
I LOOKED LIKE STEVE URKEL FOR THE FIRST 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW THE ONLY BREAK IN CASE OF EMERGENCY FIRE HOSE
THINGS?
>> Stephen: YES.
MY FRIEND BROOKE WALKED INTO THE ENGLISH BUILDING, AND I
SAID, CHECK THIS OUT!
I BASHED MY HEAD THROUGH IT, LEANED BACK AND TWO SHARDS OF
GLASS CUT MY HANDS AND I HAD BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY HANDS
AND FOREHEAD AND I SAID STIGMATA!
>> STEPHEN: "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW" SEASON FOUR PREMIERES
NEXT FRIDAY ON ADULT SWIM.
ERIC ANDRE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.