So, to be aware, not only of outward things,
of the cloud,
of the beauty of a tree
and the swift flight of a bird,
and the light on the water,
to be aware of that is fairly easy because it doesn't touch you at all
because it's something outside, far away.
But to be aware of oneself, then begins our difficulty.
When you are aware of yourself as you are,
you say, I don't like that, that's ugly, that's beautiful,
this I'll keep, that I won't keep,
you're choosing, you're rationalising,
you're condemning or justifying, comparing.
In that state of comparison, justification, condemnation,
your attention is distracted, you're not aware,
you are aware of the image
which you have brought over from the past,
and through that image you're looking at the present,
and therefore distorting. Is that clear?
I'm sorry, I can't ask if you're clear, its up to you.
I'll repeat it once more in a different way.
When you observe a tree or a bird or the light on a cloud,
if you have really observed it,
immediately you have words for it,
you name it: that's a beautiful cloud.
You want to write a poem about it, if you are inclined that way,
you want to tell somebody.
The verbalisation is a distraction
because then you are not looking.
The verbalisation is the image of the cloud
which you have seen yesterday,
and that image projects between you and the actual cloud.
Therefore you're looking at that cloud through the screen of words,
through the screen of knowledge,
through the screen of yesterday's memories.
So you are not actually totally aware of that thing.
So in the same way, to observe what is going on inwardly,
to be aware without any movement of choice.
There comes our difficulty
because when you observe through the image of the past,
you're bringing about a division in your observation
as the observer and the thing observed.
I hope you are doing this as we are talking.
That is, to share.
Don't go home and think about it, then you are not doing it.
You are doing it actually as you are listening.
And that is to share, and that's the beauty of sharing,
not take something home in your pocket and then talk about it.
That is, to be aware,
aware of what is actually going on within yourself,
not according to anybody
but to observe in this choiceless awareness
what actually is.
Which means the mind doesn't condemn, doesn't name it,
merely observes.
That is, I am aware that I'm violent,
in all its various forms, sexually,
in my speech, in my gesture,
in my attitude towards life,
violent, separative.
And violence also, which is the result of my fear,
I am aware of my violence.
Now, when I am aware of it
I say to myself, I am violent,
or I'm jealous or I'm greedy.
When you name it or look at it through the word,
the word is the past.
And so when you look at it through the eyes of the past,
you are strengthening what you call violence,
because you are relating what is actually taking place to the past,
and the past is more or less the firm thing that we have.
So, when we name violence, anger,
we are strengthening the knowledge which we have acquired about anger.
Therefore we are not looking at it anew, afresh,
so you are looking at it with the eyes
which have been distorted by the past.