- You don't need us to tell you that 2020 was horny as heck.
We spent months without human contact,
and even when we did venture outside,
kissing might as well have been illegal.
And TV did not help.
Without our usual physical relationships
including sex, kissing, hugging,
or even just a handshake at this point,
every minor physical touch on TV became unimaginably erotic.
Was TV horny this year or were we?
Instead of an answer, let's do a list.
Here are the top horniest moments of TV in 2020.
Number One: The Gaze, "Normal People."
"Normal People" is essentially about two individuals
who hook up on and off for the better part of a decade.
They're not really dating but they do have a lot of sex.
The show required extra attention to the material,
including an intimacy coordinator,
and poring over the pages of Sally Rooney's original novel,
so it led to some actually really beautiful
television sex scenes,
unlike anything we've ever seen before.
Daisy Edgar-Jones and Paul Mescal
have some truly remarkable chemistry.
In one of the most memorable hookups scenes,
they don't actually have sex.
In fact, neither of the actors
even really removes any clothing.
Connell slides his hand underneath the covers
to pleasure Marianne, and then we watch him watch her
experiencing this touch.
I can't, I can't. It's too much.
Someone fan? Can we get a fan? Thank you.
Number Two: The barista scene in "Love, Victor."
"Love, Victor's" underrated teen romance
had a lot of cute scenes between its characters,
but the peak horniest moment was,
of course, the barista training.
Victor's love interest, Benji,
teaches him how to make a cappuccino
but Victor's closeted brain
transforms this into a slow-mo R&B sequence
that is just oozing horniness.
There's...pouring steamed milk.
You get it. You get it.
Number Three: The possibility of Camille
on "Emily in Paris."
"Emily in Paris" is a very silly show
about very silly people,
none of them sillier than the small army of French men
who practically trip over themselves
to fall in love with Emily, who is basic as hell.
But the horniest moment in the entire show
is when Emily meets...Camille.
The sexual chemistry between these two women
is out of control and that's not even counting
the fact that they accidentally kiss on the mouth
in their first meeting.
- Oh!
- Anyway, then it's boring because she never really asks
for the threesome that the show desperately needs,
but maybe in Season Two.
I won't hold my breath.
Number Four: Cake, "Insecure."
"Insecure" Season Four
is primarily about deteriorating relationships,
primarily Issa and Molly's friendship,
but also including Molly and Andrew in their relationship.
Episode Two catches up with Molly and Andrew
in the early honeymoon phase of their relationship,
when they still had time for date night
and were constantly undressing each other with their eyes.
At one point Andrew's getting stressed about something else
and then Molly's like, "Hey, what's up?"
And he says...
- I'd rather talk about that cake I'm going to have later.
- And then Molly says...
- I'm not sharing.
- And then... - Take the cake!
Take the cake!
- To an ass slap I can still hear through space and time.
He got that cake. Got it good.
Number Five: The fantasy of Paxton on "Never Have I Ever."
Okay, remember when I mentioned porn earlier?
Mindy Kaling's "Never Have I Ever" wore its horniness
from its sleeve in the very first episode.
There's nothing new about horny teens,
but Devi was groundbreaking in that she was the first
openly horny South Asian teen in mainstream television.
Every time we see Paxton in the early episodes of the show,
it's through Devi's horned up eyes.
If you feel weird crushing on a "teen" like this,
don't worry, he's 29.
Episode Two opens with Devi having a dream about Paxton
who has also agreed to have sex with her,
no strings attached.
He appears in her bedroom,
whips off his shirt in one criminally-smooth motion,
and then says all these sexy things to her like...
- Wow, your body looks so good in that oversized t-shirt.
We don't know what 2021 will bring,
but horny TV is probably here to stay.
You didn't hear it from me,
but "Bridgerton" is now streaming on Netflix.
Don't watch it with a parent.