1.
Introduction Communication can make...or break...your life.
Ok that's quite an extreme statement to make, yet it's a fundamental truth that cannot and
should not be ignored!
I consider myself a competent communicator, I'm not particularly terrible in verbal communication,
for the most part my body language is usually quite positive and I would like to believe
I'm capable in written communication.
That said...I totally and wholly believe that my communication skills can improve, and through
active consideration of how I communicate, I can serve to be a better communicator in
all facets of my life!
Not only that, I believe that through focusing and improving my communication skills, I can
see improvements in other aspects of my life, both in my own productivity and in my interactions
with others.
So...I decided to put this theory to the test, as I tested how change in communication would
influence my interactions with people and my outlook on life.
Now before proceeding, I want to clarify the points I present in this video are based completely
on my personal experience, meaning what worked or didn't work for me, might see different
results for you!
That said, I do fully believe it is a useful learning experience, one which I've taken
important lessons from that have influenced how I communicate with others to this day.
Now...let's take a look at the...
2.
Factors considered in the tests So when conducting this test, I wanted to
try and take a pragmatic approach to what things I considered and monitored during my
tests.
This meant that fundamentally I tested 3 different factors in communication, which included:
- Verbal Communication - Non-Verbal Communication, such as
- Body Language - Style or Fashion
- Listening - Internal Communication, specifically self
talk
As I wanted to test the effects of change in communication in areas of my personal and
professional life, I decided not to focus on other forms of communication as part of
this experience, meaning I decided against measuring changes in visual and written forms
of communication.
That said, it is something I continually look to improve as part of the content on this
channel, and may be a subject worth revisiting in the future.
I chose to categorise forms of communication in the test based on Anne Converse Willkomm's
breakdown, with her being the Assistant Clinical Professor at Drexel University.
However, one difference in my case was I chose to include internal communication, as for
me how we communicate to ourselves can arguably have the biggest influence in the outcomes
we see in life, thus making it pretty much impossible to ignore.
In addition to considering the varying types of communication, I also felt it important
to consider other factors in my communications.
This included considering the environment, as it's normal for people to vary how they
communicate based on who they talk to and where.
For example, how I speak to friends differs significantly when compared to how I speak
to customers.
So, I decided to breakdown who I communicated with based on four distinct situations where
I found myself in contact with others.
These included:
- Personal situations, for example the time I spend with friends and family
- Professional environments, whether it be in the office or online
- Social Situations, such as when I interact with acquaintances or people in general.
This might include when shopping, talking to other parents when dropping my son to schoool
or speaking to my neighbours - and what I refer to as Micro Social Situations,
which are extremely small interactions with people or when passing by them in the street.
In most cases, this is limited to saying general phrases like "hello", "thank you" or just
making polite, or impolite, gestures with strangers
Part of the reason circumstance and environment were so important to me was that as part of
the process, I wanted to test the responses when pushing the limits of social conventions
in these circumstances, seeing if people were accepting or disapproving of what I did...and
let me just say...I was quite surprised at some of my findings.
Now that we better understand some of the variables within this test, let's take a look
at the...
3.
Tests Conducted When testing out varying forms of communication
in different places, I focused heavily on agreeableness from the big 5 personality traits,
as this allowed me to distinctively shift in how I interacted with others through this
experience.
That said, I did try and factor in other personality traits, as each personality trait can heavily
influence your experience when communicating with others.
If you're new to the Big 5 and would like to learn more, let me know in the comments
and I will consider making a dedicated video to the idea.
For Social situations, I decided to test both agreeable and disageeable behaviour, each
being tested over a period of 15 days, adding to a total of 30 days.
When disagreeable, I chose to have less approachable body language, in that I wouldn't put as much
care in dressing up and would be more direct or curt when speaking.
At times, this meant I was less open to new experiences and showing lower levels of extroversian,
though these factors would vary, as I didn't want to go to extremes that I knew would negatively
hurt my relationships for the sake of proving something we already know.
Rather, the process was to see how people would respond when I was less hesitant to
speak my mind and share opinions, even if potentially controversial.
I was also less willing to show adherence to social conventions, meaning I didn't particularly
care to make a positive impression on strangers that I knew I wouldn't have any future interactions
with.
I also decided to show more highly agreeable traits for the other 15 days.
This meant showing clear adherence to social and professional conventions, putting myself
forward to be willing to do favours, being more friendly to people I didn't know and
probably wouldn't have any future interactions with.
It was also a willingness to have positive body language, a more upbeat and friendly
demeanor and generally being more welcoming and facilitating to others.
The other aspect of the test was to try both positive and negative self talk during the
30 days, in order to see how much of an influence it had on my behaviour and productivity throughout
the tests.
This was predominantly done through focused affirmations I said daily and through self
care rituals I set up for myself, a combination of meditation and standard stress management
techniques.
The tests were difficult and in truth I did have moments where I feared I would give up,
but in the end I persevered and found some particularly interesting...
4.
Results As you might expect, positive communication
in most situations resulted in more friendly and positive interactions...hardly groundbreaking
news right?
However, it's how I utilised positive communication in different scenarios that I found particularly
interesting.
For example...
- In shops, I was able to have more friendly conversations with staff, leading the better
quality service in return as they seemed more open to helping me with my needs.
- In the street, people almost always responded positively to positive body language, so a
smile was almost always responded to a smile in return, and in many cases a greeting of
some kind.
- How I dressed also played an important role, with people generally being more agreeable
with me when I dressed well.
As we all know, first impressions are critical, with studies showing that non-verbal cues
can have over four times the impact on the impression you make than anything you say.
I found that when I dressed in relatively smart casual, in a way which is generally
accepted in all of society, the response I got in return was significantly better than
when I didn't take care in my appearance.
Where things became particularly interesting was when I entered a professional environment,
where I found a balance of agreeableness and disagreeable behaviour actually proved to
be fruitful - Now to clarify, being stubbornly disgreeable
would often result in no positive outcome for either party, which was unfruitful almost
all of the time - However, the same could be said of always
being agreeable, which was equally unproductive when solutions to problems were needed, raising
stress levels both in myself and consequently others as it lead to overwhelm in workload
and responsibility - Finding a balance to make clear that it
was in the interest of all parties to work together to come to a solution and putting
forward proposals to meet my personal needs lead to more productive output, often with
some compromise from each party, but ultimately achieving the desired outcomes to satisfy
everyone.
Fundamentally some levels of disagreeableness, specifically where it was with a pragmatic
nature with the interest of delivering results in mind, lead to outcomes where others would
be open to suggestions and ideas that they may otherwise not like.
As a result, this was actually extremely constructively in reaching positive conclusions despite having
to enter some levels of conflict to reach there.
- I also found that when supporting others, they would respond more positively to encouragement
where they can come to find their own solutions, as opposed to just being offered solutions
to their problems.
In many cases, the response I found was that people often listen to solutions, without
actively following them up with action.
Whether they dismiss the solution's efficacy or doubt me as the figure suggesting is difficult
to tell, but ultimately I found that when people are encouraged and ultimately reach
the same conclusions themselves, they are much more active with following through.
Therefore today I often don't seek to simply offer solutions when people come to me, rather
I focus on trying to have a discussion where they reach a satisfactory conclusion themselves,
which in truth is often the same as what I would have suggested myself.
This seems to have lead to greater respect for me, but more importantly I think the result
leads to the individuals feeling greater sense of satisfactions themselves in overcoming
obstacles.
Now moving onto personal circumstances, I found that as with professional environments,
disagreeable behaviour lead to negative responses that made for awkward or difficult interactions
- Where things differed a little was that at times, it was more important to be more
agreeable for the relationship, something I believe to be the case as personal relationships
often appear to be more emotional investments than professional relationships.
Being sensitive or empathetic to the emotional needs of people in my life became a fundamental
factor in these situations, often leading to reciprocity and development in personal
bonds.
- In these situations, positive behaviours and communication lead to far more positive
results and happier moments!
Now to focus on arguably the most important factor, self talk was fundamental in changing
my outlook on how I approached the challenges in my life
- Most importantly, I found taking time to feel grateful for the people in my life made
me naturally more inclined to respond and communicate positively with them, even in
moments of disagreement.
For example, this lead to empathy when in meetings, which helped to achieving an outcome
that was more satisfactory.
While I still disagreed in these scenarios, I did so by placing careful emphasis in how
I spoke to people, leading to them being a little more open to suggestions and generally
less conflictive.
- In addition to practising gratitude, I spent time each day saying positive and self affirming
self talk, which also improved my productive output, increasing motivation and belief in
what I was doing...and look, belief is a powerful thing, is it builds self esteem which has
been found in numerous research to have beneficial effects in the wellbeing and a sense of satisfaction,
often translating to results to backup the sensation.
5.
Conclusion All of this lead to outstanding results for
me, which a drastic shift in a positive direction in how I interacted with others, and the outcomes
I saw from those interactions.
My initial concerns around being more disagreeable actually proved to be false, at least in a
professional environment, as while I had to maintain a balance in how I communicated,
when done correctly the results clearly showed benefits in my wellbeing and workload when
at work.
On the whole, the biggest lesson I found was that how we communicate can have huge impacts
in your life, with often small, almost unnoticeable changes in both your demeanor and presentation
can have drastic effects.
Small things like a little smile can brighten up both your day and the person you smile
to.
Doing this repeatedly actually saw a significant improvement in my general mood, no doubt due
to the dopaminergic effects smiling can have.
I've also built and developed stronger relationships, all the while actually feeling like I'm more
true to myself than ever before.
In terms of productivity, I equally feel that positive communication has had a drastic effect.
All of this, whether it be my interactions with others, or feeling a sense of satisfaction
and motivation within myself, is built on the foundations of self talk.
I feel had I not placed heavy emphasis in my internal communication, I would have slipped
up in maintaining my personal growth at the numerous hurdles I faced in trying out this
experiment and adjusting during the process.
So be sure to communicate effectively, not least with yourself.
If you've reached this far I want to thank you for watching this video and really appreciate
you taking the time to do so, it makes the effort all the more worth it!
Please be sure to check out the video on screen now for more!