bjbj Announcer: Welcome back to The David Pakman Show. David: All right, we're back
with comedian Jeff Kreisler who is sitting in front of books that I think he hopes we
all believe he read every single one of, right, Jeff? Jeff Kreisler: I read all of them, particularly
this one right here called "Get Rich Cheating". This is my book! David: You know, Louis, last
week, as you know, I was on RT, "The Alyona Show", and I was talking about Sarah Palin,
and every time I get invited on these things, I feel like I need material. I almost feel
like I need to be "on" in some way. So I emailed Jeff and I said hey, can you throw me some
lines here? And he did, he gave me a lot of great stuff. And then you know what happened,
Jeff, because of our connection, you don't know, so I'll tell you, they were... while
I was talking, they would cut off the host's audio feed so it wouldn't feed back, so I
just assumed nobody was laughing. I just assumed I was bombing the entire time. Kreisler: So
you're pretty much going through my daily existence. David: Essentially. You know, I
went, I was in Chicago a couple months ago and I went to Jeff's wealth-building seminar,
so to speak, and he had like an eight-year-old heckler. I don't know what this eight-year-old
kid was doing at this 9:00 p.m. show. That was probably the worse heckling experience
you've had, was it not? Kreisler: Well, it was the most delicate, because normally with
hecklers, I try to, you know, start off nice, and I understand they're just trying to be
supportive, they don't know not to talk, but then eventually you have to go and go darker,
but with a nine-year-old, how dark can you go? So eventually, I don't remember exactly
what happened, but I think I suggested his parents give him up for adoption. David: I
think he had to go to the bathroom and his mom just escorted him out. Kreisler: Yeah,
which was good for all. No, it was educational, you know? I don't like it always being easy.
It's got to be a challenge sometimes. David: Jeff was advocating for basically just cheat
your way to riches and to the top no matter what, and then I heard about Tom DeLay, who
essentially did that and now it looks like he's going to be in jail, I don't really believe
for the rest of his life, but potentially for the rest of his life. What did you think,
a cheater went down in flames? Kreisler: I think it's kind of a sad day for cheaters
everywhere, but I'm sure he'll come back and he'll get a book deal out of it and probably
eventually a TV show. But he was one of the great cheaters. He involved money and politics
and bribery, and you know, Abramoff wasn't involved in this particular conviction, but
you know, his name, his nickname is The Hammer, which not a lot of people know is because
of the ability to hide a lot of money in parachute pants popularized by MC Hammer back in the
80s. David: See, I was thinking he could do a show from prison on Fox News called "The
Hammer from the Slammer". Kreisler: Oh, nice! I like that. See, you're getting there. David:
Is that material RT-worthy? Kreisler: I think it's definitely RT-worthy. It's worthy of
even The David Pakman Show. David: [Laughs] So... No, go ahead. Kreisler: I was going
to say, what's kind of interesting about the thing with DeLay is again, it's another case
where it's complex to really understand what he did wrong, so I think the best way to explain
it to the lay people out there is it's like he went on "Dancing with the Stars", gave
money to someone who then gave money to the "Dancing with the Stars" judges to advance
Sarah Palin's career. David: Oh, I see. Kreisler: I mean, Bristol Palin, not Sarah Palin. I
get those confused, because they're the same demon spawn. David: What do you think about
this new Sarah Palin reality show? When I first saw it, we've been talking about it,
I thought it was just going to be a plus for Sarah Palin because let's be honest, she's
been seen doing stuff she's not qualified to do, right? Running for vice president,
being the governor of Alaska. She's actually qualified to be on a reality show, it could
only help; cut to Willow Palin making homophobic comments on Facebook as a result, not all
good, right? Kreisler: Well, Sarah Palin I'm starting to reassess, she could be the most
brilliant politician of all time. America's becoming a reality show, and I think maybe
she's some sort of like mythological creature that feeds on people mocking her, and she
just grows stronger and stronger. That or she's sort of the end of a multi-generational
push by the far right to discredit intellectualism and diplomacy and everything else. So whether
she's qualified or not, you know, people wanted Bush because they could drink a beer with
him. People could want Sarah because they feel just as lost with everyday activities
as she does. David: Honestly, George W. Bush, now, I think that I would actually approve
of George W. Bush as president just compared... when I think about Sarah Palin as president,
George W. Bush seems calm, he seems collected, he has Karl Rove around him instead of Todd
Palin or whatever the guy's name is. He actually seems like a pretty bright, reasonable guy.
Kreisler: He's got gravitas, if you will. You know, there's that old, people talk about
old money versus new money. David: Yeah. Kreisler: George Bush is kind of old idiot versus new
idiot. David: Yeah. And I'll be honest, the old idiot thing just seems a lot more calming
to me. Kreisler: Yeah, because you know behind the old idiot are some old money, whereas
behind the new idiot is just bears, grizzly bears. David: Which, by the way, she may have
been fishing too close to, which who knows what rules in Alaska that may have broken.
Kreisler: You know, rules are just part of the lamestream media's gotcha journalism,
you know, and bears are just part of the lamestream media gotcha journalism. You got to admit,
like Sarah Palin, in her own way, she's brilliant, because like I told you, she's making millions
of dollars on these book deals and TV shows and speaking engagements, and she just can't
speak, you know? How brilliant is that? And I think 2011's going to be the Year of the
Palin. This past year, she supported all these candidates with the whacked out ideas like
Christine O'Donnell and Sharron Angle. David: Right. Kreisler: Those people made her seem
mainstream. So, you know, compared to someone who doesn't masturbate in a graveyard while
wearing a Nazi uniform, she seems normal. David: That's right. We can always find someone
who seems even more unelectable than Sarah Palin, for sure. We're speaking, by the way,
with comedian Jeff Kreisler, author of "Get Rich Cheating". So tell me, what's this gig
you've got at the... is it the Economists' Forum? Tell me about it? Kreisler: "The Economist"
Magazine has a conference every year predicting the future, and this is the World in 2011
Conference, this actually starts on Thursday, and one of the headline speakers is a guy
by the name of Bill Clinton, you may have heard about him. And I am doing some comedy,
going to talk about what I think's going to happen in the next year in business and politics
and who knows what else, and it's kind of exciting. It's a really great program with
some heavy hitters like Steven Chu, the head of the Department of Energy, talking about
the future of science. There's going to be people from the MoMA. There's going to be
activists and people from television. And it's pretty cool, you know? I'm just going
to tell my jokes and be part of a little roundtable discussion, but it'll be fun. David: Will
Bill Clinton be at your set? Kreisler: I'm not sure. I'm hoping he will be. David: Yeah.
Kreisler: Although I need to find out for certain, because some of the predictions for
2011 might not be appropriate, particularly because Bill Clinton apparently made a cameo
in that next... the sequel for "The Hangover". David: That's right. Kreisler: I think his
one line was, "I did not have Galifianakis with that woman." Badum-ching. David: [Laughs]
So... Kreisler: See, if the host doesn't laugh, you just make your own laugh track. David:
If he's there, will you tailor it, so you will tailor your material, I mean, will you
do Bill Clinton sexual shtick if he is in the crowd? Kreisler: No, I never really did
that and I don't think I would, but you know, if I decide between now and Friday that I
really want to end my career, I will go out in a blaze of glory. I think there's no better...
I would probably come out in a blue dress and take it from there. David: Do you predict...
I know that sometimes you have a tendency, and you mentioned it yourself, to sweat when
you perform sometimes. Do you anticipate that that will be happening at this event? Kreisler:
Well, the sweating has nothing to do with nerves, it's just that I have bird flu, which
is actually contagious through the internet, I don't know if you're aware of that. David:
Gotcha. Kreisler: I think I'll probably... I may not sweat. I'm only performing for like
10 minutes. It's when I've been working hard and, you notice the camera doesn't pan down
to the ample guttage. I have like this, it's like a combination gut/cleavage that I have,
guttage. David: [Laughs] Sounds like a TSA screening. Kreisler: Yeah, it is. I'm looking
forward to my next flight. I'm actually going to request both the scanner and the pat-down,
if you know what I mean. David: Just to be extra sure. Kreisler: Exactly. David: All
right, we've been talking to Jeff Kreisler, author of "Get Rich Cheating". And the website,
it is still HYPERLINK "http://www.JeffKreisler.com" www.JeffKreisler.com , right? Kreisler: You
can go to HYPERLINK "http://www.JeffKreisler.com" www.JeffKreisler.com or www.GetRichCheating.com,
if you don't want to try to spell Kreisler, but either one directs you to all sorts of
goodness, and I'll be putting up some new videos later this week. David: All right.
Thanks, Jeff, good luck on Thursday. Kreisler: Thank you, David. Great show. Good luck. David:
OK, take care. All right, Louis, let's take a break and we'll be back with more. You are
not going to want to miss the story about 92% of Afghan men not knowing something. I'll
tell you what that is when we come back. www.DavidPakman.com. Announcer: The David Pakman Show at HYPERLINK
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