'Baby! Did you miss me.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘Am I glad to see you honey’
Originally made in 1964 under the title Zombie, Zombies, Invasion of the Zombies or Voodoo Bloodbath,
I Eat Your Skin was eventually released in 1970 as second feature to I Drink Your Blood,
'I drink your blood and I eat your skin.'
hence the meaningless title.
‘Interesting, but not interesting enough, sorry’
Tom Harris is an author and serial woma niser.
‘I'v got some dictating to do’
who needs to get out of his hotel fast
'Oh no, there’s my husband'
and apparently finds spousal abuse hilarious.
His agent, Duncan, wants to take him to a remote island to do some work.
‘The more that i heard was happening on Voodoo Island’
'Voodoo Island?'
'Yes, that's the name of the island.'
Harris isn’t keen but changes his mind when he hears what else is on the island.
‘Girls’
‘Girls?’
‘Virgin ladies. Just waiting for some sophisticated swinger like yourself to pluck them of their tropical vines.’
Lonely Planet calls it the jailbait capital of the Caribbean.
But when they arrive, Harris has barely started perving before things get weird.
Without bothering to check if this is just a local with a skin condition, Harris attacks,
which works out badly for his guide.
He was only a native.
‘You see Mr Harris, these are a very simple people.'
This is Charles Bentley, a local landowner with whom Harris and Duncan are staying.
along Duncan’s wife.
‘Oh, I feel like swinging tonight’
Also in residence is a visiting cancer researcher and, naturally, his beautiful daughter Jeanine.
'You frightened me.'
Harris turns on the charm.
‘What part of heaven did you fly down from?’
which, astonishingly, doesn’t work.
‘From which one of your books is that line?’
So he turns it off again.
‘Oh so your father’s going to find the cure to the world’s deadliest disease’
Is he being snide about someone trying to cure cancer?
But I guess he’s still rattled from earlier. Even the venetian blinds are bit suspicious.
After another close call....
Bentley reveals the terrible truth...
‘The tribe believed that the sacrifice of the young blonde girl had saved the boy’s life’
Typical behaviour of these people.
'I don't pretend to know the subtly of these people's religion.'
but that won’t stop me from wildly generalising about it.
‘You know, I’ve heard a rumour there’s an army of walking dead on this island’
The next day Harris and Jeanine decide to visit her father’s lab.
‘What is this place?’
‘I don’t know, I’ve never seen it before’
you got lost on the way to where your Dad works?
Well, as long as we’re here...
Isn’t it lucky you got lost on a journey you must have made many times before, or you wouldn’t have found this place.
‘Where’s your father’s lab’
‘This way’
Never been here before, but you know the way to go.
‘Almost unreal’
Reaching the lab, the pair realise they’re being followed and Harris applies his standard technique for dealing with strangers in the jungle.
Quite unreasonably as it turns out.
‘I know him, he’s my friend’
Why did you hit him, you dick! But they have bigger problems, down in the lab.
I’m starting to think he’s not curing cancer at all. Now the girls are kidnapped…
while Harris and Duncan are pursued by the zombie army.
Which is led by Bentley.
Which raises some questions...
‘It’s the end of Voodoo Island and Charles Bentley’s dream of conquering the earth with an indestructible zombie army’
That answers very few of them.
‘It’s best that you don’t know’
As they flee...
I think I can cling to life for long enough to give a half-arsed explanation...
Provided there are no follow up questions.
‘I started using native as human guinea pigs’
They’re only natives.
‘Bentley became obsessed with creating an army of these unfortunate people’
Still not fully clear...
‘But why did Bentley try to kill Jeanine?’
Good question.
‘Bentley needed father – with me out of the way he wouldn’t have any fear of father leaving’
No, keeping you alive would have given him a bargaining chip, with you dead he would have no hold over your father whatsoever.
‘It seems to fit’
Not remotely. But at least the innocent natives of the island have been freed from being test subjects and zombie soldiers.
They were only natives.
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'Anyone for night cap Mmmmm?'