(Christmas music)
(suspenseful music)
- Nah nah nah nah nah.
- Orange, shh.
(orange babbling)
Whew, alright, it's gone.
It's safe to come out, everyone.
- Man, the week leading up to Christmas is rough!
- Or like Chris-massacre, am I right?
- I hate having to keep myself scarce like this.
The world needs to see what I'm up to.
- It's just the way it is, guys, knives are
out in full-force, and nobody is safe.
Now's not the time to make the spectacle
of yourselves.
(engine sounds)
What the?
- What's up!
Dinner Roll has rolled up.
- Are you out of your mind, dude?
We're trying to lay low!
- You especially should be worried.
You realize crescent rolls are first on
the Chris-massacre list, right?
- I ain't scared.
Once that knife gets a look at my Rolls Royce,
it'll know I came to play.
- Rolls Royce, nice.
- Maybe you should, I don't know,
come to play at a safer time?
- Ha, let me check my Roll-ex.
Nope, it's party o'clock.
(space music)
- That pun was gold.
- Dude, there couldn't be a worse time for a party.
♪ I keep rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪
I'm a keep rollin', rollin', rollin'
- Oh, I had totally forgotten about that song.
Limp Bizkit, right?
Chocolate Starfish!
- Yo, what up?
- Yeah, you called?
- Ah, no, we were just--
- I told you, Steve, they were just singing
that Limp Bizkit song again.
People were just always singing that song.
- Well, one of these times, they might
be calling us.
You never know.
- No, dude, they're never calling us.
Just like they're never calling for
Hotdog Flavored Water, either.
- You rang?
- False alarm, Hotdog Flavored Water.
- Again? I left my kid's recital to
respond to this.
(screaming)
- Everybody hide!
- OK, I think the coast is clear.
- Alright, who's back to partying?
♪ Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪
♪ I keep rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪
- Would you please stop?
Also, that song is terrible.
- Agree to disagree.
Look, I make no apologies; I came to
throw my money around, and that's exactly
what I'm going to do.
What up, ladies?
(cash register sound)
I'm rolling in dough!
- This guy's great! Pun game strong.
- Oh, come on, y'all got ladies in this
kitchen, don't you?
- Actually, we have surprisingly few.
- Dang, I rolled up on a sausage party.
- Hello, someone calling a sausage party?
- No, Hotdog Flavored Water, there is
no literal sausage party here.
- Bummer, I left my own wedding for this.
- What, this party ain't rocking, and that's
not how I roll, so change that.
I have a special surprise.
Everybody welcome the Limp Biscuit!
- Yo yo yo, what up?
- Guys! What happened to laying low?
- Y'all ready to jam?
- Yeah!
- No!
- So this first song is one that I wrote
in four seconds while sitting on the
toilet one time.
- Stop talking, jam!
- OK, easy, I'll get to the jam session
super soon, let me just give you a little
backstory first.
- No! Jam!
- Huh?
(screaming)
- The party must go on, in the words of
the immortal Limp Biscuit, we just keep--
- Rolling?
- Yeah! We just keep--
- No! Rolling!
(screaming)
Wow, I guess you could say that got
turned up.
Chocolate starfish, ha!
(Christmas music)
There, that's a much better shade.
Now, to paint the insides.
- Oh, shut the door! Shut the door, dude.
- Huh? Why?
- Because we're being hunted.
- Hunted? Shut the front door.
- We really wish you would.
- Yeah, come on, have you not seen this
year's X-massacre list?
- No, I don't really like to read.
- Well, if you did, you stupid orange,
you'd see that green bean casserole is at
the top of the list.
- See, we're marked beans.
(horror music)
- Hmm, well, maybe there's a way to
fix this.
- Hey, would you stop it?
- There, good as new!
- Hey, he actually has a point.
They're going to be hunting for green beans,
not orange beans.
- You mean, we could be safe from
a casserole demise?
- We could leave the cupboard, and be free!
- Sure, why not? No one's going to eat you
if you're orange. Why, I've been out on the
counter for years, and nobody's eaten me.
- Me next, me next.
- Oh, and me, and me!
- This is so awesome.
Now I can venture outside the cupboard,
and resume all of my green bean activities.
- Yeah, orange you glad you guys ran into
me today?
- We sure are.
- Well, fellas, we're no longer in danger,
and you know what that means.
- [All] Green Bean Activity Time!
Green Beans Team Cleaning, yay!
Green Beans Jean Steam, yay!
Green Beans Extreme Skiing, yay!
Green Bean Dream Stream, yay!
- Um, guys?
- Aw, what is it now, dude?
Us green beans are in the midst of a Super
Extreme Green Bean Dream Stream over here.
We can't be interrupted.
- Well, I think that magnet is hiding part
of the X-Massacre list.
- Don't worry, you little string beans.
I'll get it.
This orange has been juicing.
- Phew, I was worried it was going to be
another green bean dish.
Good news, everyone!
The only additional item on the list is carrots.
Wait a minute.
(screaming)
- Orange, you gotta help us.
Paint us a different color, quick!
- OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
I got it!
Close your eyes and hold your breath!
- [Green Bean] All done?
- All done.
- Dude, you painted us green?
- What, you want a deeper shade or something?
Because this one really matches your
eyes, I think.
(Screaming)
Oh, I see what the issue is.
Yeah, should have thought of that.
(ominous music)
- Seeing how chestnuts are next on the
Chris-massacre list, maybe you should hide,
Chestnut.
- Chestnut is not scared.
Chestnut will not hide.
- Chestnut sure says 'Chestnut' a lot.
- Chestnut is proud to be a chestnut.
Chestnut is proud to be hard,
hard like nut, unbreakable, like a nut.
Chestnut will not be cracked,
like a nut, and lose one of the
secret codes.
- Uh, what?
- The secret codes to what?
- Chestnut will not say.
It is a secret.
- What is he talking about?
- No clue.
- Go ahead.
Attempt to get the codes out of Chestnut,
anyway you can.
- No sweat, let's see how unbreakable
you are against this metal folding chair.
- Ha, Chestnut didn't even feel a thing.
Not even a tickle.
- Wow! He's one tough nut to crack, all right.
- Please stop laughing.
It's terribly annoying to Chestnut.
- I want to try and get the codes by asking
nicely, please! Excuse me, Mr. Chestnut?
May I please have the codes?
- No!
Anyone else want to play?
- Oh, I like to play all sorts of things.
Baseball, darts, bowling.
- That's not what I meant.
- Football, the other kind of football, Squash.
- Stop listing sports.
- No, squash!
- Eww, gross!
- Get off me, you fat lard!
- [All] Wow!
I already told you, it doesn't matter what
you do to Chestnut.
You can try to smash Chestnut.
You can try to roast Chestnut over an open fire.
None of it will effect Chestnut!
Chestnut will not give up the codes!
- Huh, guess we don't have to worry about
Chestnut, alright, what's the next food
on the list?
- Eggnog.
- Nog, nog, nog, nog.
- Oh, great, here we go again.
- Nog, nog, nog, nog, nog,
nog, nog, nog.
Oh man, I forgot how funny that is to say.
- Chestnut doesn't think it's funny.
- That's probably because Chestnut hasn't
heard it enough times.
Nog, nog, nog.
Nog, nog, nog, nog, nog,
nog, nog, nog, nog.
- Stop it!
- Whoa, are you okay, Chestnut?
- Chestnut apologizes, all of this nog talk
is giving Chestnut a headache.
- And it looks like a splitting one,
if you ask me.
- How is this possible?
Chestnut cannot be cracked.
- Hey, hey Chestnut, hey!
- What?
- Hey Chestnut, hey, hey!
- What, what?
- When you tie your shoes, do you
tie your laces in a chest-knot?
- Oh, that is the stupidest joke I've
ever heard.
- Do you have a chest, or are you a
chest-naught?
- Nice!
Now's our chance to get the secret codes!
- No, no!
Chestnut will never tell!
- Nah nah nah nah nah nah.
- OK, OK, OK.
The code is zero, zero, zero, alright?
Just get this annoying orange away from me.
- Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.
- The hand!
Oh, sweet merciful hand.
You've come to take Chestnut away.
Bye, losers.
- No way, dude, I'm taking this ride
out of here.
I can't stand this orange, either.
Whee!
- No!
- So zero, zero, zero.
What does it mean, I wonder?
- Hmm, I don't know.
Maybe I'll punch it into this keypad here.
- No! No! Don't put the codes in!
(alarm sounding)
(nuclear weapons detonate)
(Christmas kazoo music)
- Orange, would you stop it?
We're not out of the woods yet.
- Wait, we're in the woods?
- No, I mean.
- Gross! I heard that's where bears poop.
(kazoo music)
- Orange, put the kazoo away.
We need to focus on saving the next food
on the Chris-massacre list,
Figgy Pudding.
- Figgy Pudding, got it.
Got to help save Figgy Pudding.
Wait a minute.
What is Figgy Pudding?
- Um.
- Grapefruit, Little Apple?
You guys know what Figgy Pudding is?
- Um.
- I guess I don't know.
- Wait, so no one even knows what Figgy Pudding is?
- Nope, Figgy Pudding could be standing
right next to me, and I wouldn't even know.
- Yo!
- Was he there the whole time?
- I get that a lot.
Hello, everyone. It is I, Figgy Pudding.
- You're Figgy Pudding?
You don't look like pudding.
- Oh, I know, and that's the beauty
of my scheme, I can bread spot all day long
on the counter, with impunity, because
no one really knows who I am.
- But do you know who you are, though?
- I, wow, I guess I never really thought of it
that way before.
You're right.
Who am I, really?
- Um, did we just kickstart an existential
crisis over here?
- What am I? I'm not pudding, and what does
Figgy even mean?
What have I been doing with my life?
- Easy, dude.
- I will not take it easy.
Will anyone ever try to eat me, or am I such
a mystery, that even I could never truly digest
the idea of me?
- Uh-oh, looks like Figgy Pudding doesn't
know who he is.
I'll help him out by putting
this name tag on him.
(upbeat piano music)
- This orange, is he daft?
- No, he's annoying.
- I know my name, but I don't know
who I am in the grander sense.
I'm considering the big picture questions here,
like what am I made of?
- Figs, probably.
- Where am I going?
- Nowhere. You have no feet.
- And, most importantly, what is the--
- Point?
- Precisely. (suspenseful music)
What is the point of all this?
- No, point!
- Oh no! The knife identified Figgy Pudding!
- Probably thanks to the name tag.
Way to go, Orange.
- Hmm, the name tag was a bad idea, then?
- Yes, it was a very bad idea!
(screaming)
- So, it was probably a bad idea that I
put a Figgy Pudding name tag on everyone's
back when they weren't looking?
- What the?
- Huh?
(screaming)
(Christmas music)
- Uh, Orange, why is there mud all over the counter?
- No idea, and what happened to the
huge mound of dirt I put here yesterday?
And then covered in snow?
- Dude, it obviously melted, and created
all this mud!
- Hmm, I don't follow, oh well.
Guess it's mudboarding time!
(industrial music)
Radical
- Uh, excuse me, oink oink, coming through,
just rolling in the mud like a normal,
ordinary pig, oinkety oink oink.
- Way to go, Orange! Your mud is luring
Ham Roast out and into the open.
Have you not looked at the Chris-massacre list
lately? Ham is the very last thing on it!
That means you need to get out of here, dude,
like right now.
- Aw, man, this doesn't mean I'm going to
have to walk somewhere, does it?
- Of course not, you don't have any legs.
- It doesn't matter how you leave, you just need
to leave, they could come for you at any moment.
- Well, that sounds exhausting.
It's just that this slop is so delicious,
this mud is so soothing, uh, oink oink,
I'm a real pig.
- What are you talking about? You were a real pig,
but now, you're roast.
- Then, how come I say oink so much? Huh?
Oink, oink, real pig, right here.
- He makes a good point, Pear.
He does say oink a lot.
- Come on, dude.
I'm trying to help you out here.
Hide yourself before.
Oh, oh no!
It's too late!
- Aw, man, I was just getting comfy.
- No need to swine about it, Ham!
- Aw, man, you guys have got a nice
sauna in here, oh wait, wait,
what's the deal in here?
Hey, it's getting hot in here.
Oh, crap!
(pig squealing)
- Oh, that's a good squeal!
I'm going to have to practice that one.
(squealing)
- Please don't.
- But how am I going to get better,
if I don't practice?
(squealing)
Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.
(clock ticking)
- Aw, man, that was unpleasant.
Oh, I got such a sunburn.
Excuse me, would somebody pull the
thermometer out of my rump roast?
- Wow, Ham, you look like you've been bakin'.
- Now, I can get back to what's truly important.
Rolling in the mud and sipping slop.
- And don't forget squealing!
(squealing)
- Well, that's a pretty good impression,
but it's more, it's more throaty, like.
(squealing)
- Would you both stop squealing?
Ham, you're still in danger.
You need to get out of here before
they decide to carve you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess.
But look how awesome that mud looks.
I mean, really, come on, OK, I'm just going
to roll around in it for just a few more seconds,
and then I'll get out of here, alright?
Oink, oink, oink.
- Me too! Oink, oink, oink, oink.
(piano music)
I'm a real pig! Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink.
- Orange, you're not a real pig.
Would you please stop it?
Ah! Knife is here! Get out of here! Now!
Get out of here now, dude!
- Ah, sorry, I can't hear you saying
get out of here now, dude, because I have
mud in my ears.
- And I don't have ears.
(squealing)
- Oink, oink, oink.
(squealing)
- Oh my God, shut up!
- Wow, stick a fork in that pork,
he's done!
(suspenseful music)
- [Human] Awwww!
- What, wait a minute.
Why are they not carving you?
Do they not want to eat you?
- Eh, maybe it's because I'm covered in mud.
You know? Probably don't taste very good.
- Yeah, I think you might be right, Ham.
Looks like the humans don't want to eat you
because you're so dirty.
- This calls for a celebratory squeal!
(squealing)
- Oink, oink, oink, oinkety. Huh?
Wait, why did they throw me on the floor?
Oh no, oh no!
(screaming)
Oh, the ham-anity!
- Wow, this has been one doggone X-massacre,
huh, Pear?
- Oh, good grief.
- Psst. Hey. Is it safe to come out?
- Carrot? How did you survive?
- Oh, that fish magnet. It's covering my
name on the list.
I think they overlooked me.
- Whoa, he's right.
- It's a Christmas miracle!
- Ha, I can finally step out and into the sun.
I'm free to live my life.
I'm free to shout it at the top of my lungs.
I am Carrot, and for Christmas this year,
I am free!
(suspenseful music)
- Maybe shouldn't have shouted it quite
so loud, dude.
(screaming)
- Aww, poor Carrot. I was really rooting for him.
- Ugh. Dude, let's just go open presents.
- Good idea. Guess that's a wrap on this year's
X-Massacre, thanks for watching, and merry--
(screaming)
(Christmas music)