>> GOOD AFTERNOON, FOLKS. THIS IS CAPTAIN HITNART IN THE
FLIGHT DECK, JOINED BY FIRST OFFICER NEWTON.
>> HOWDY, FOLKS. WE REACHED OUR CRUISING
ALTITUDE, SO I'M GOING TO GO AHEAD AND TURN OFF THE FASTEN
THE SEATBELT SIGN. [ DING ]
COMPUTER SAYING WE'LL HAVE YOU IN SAN FRANCISCO JUST A HAIR
PAST 3:00. FOR NOW, SIT BACK, RELAX AND
ENJOY THE FLIGHT. THANKS FOR FLYING JET BLUE.
[ CLEARS THROAT ] SO, AS I WAS SAYING, I NEED TO
GET LAID. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M VERY BACKED UP. >> ME, TOO.
THESE PIPES BE CLOGGED, SIR. I SAW AN OLD SCOOBY DOO
EPISODE ON THE AIRPORT TV AND DAPHNE WAS GETTING ME HOT.
>> OH, YEAH. I'LL BET VELMA HAS A LITTLE BODY
UNDER THAT BIG SWEATER RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU BET SHE DOES. YOU KNOW VELMA AND SHAGGY WERE
BANGING. IMAGINE SCOOBY AT THE END OF THE
BED WATCHING. RAGGY, WHAT ARE ROOING?
[ LAUGHTER ] UH, NOTHING, SCOOB.
ME AND VELMA ARE JUST WRESTLING.
>> GOD, I NEED TO GET LAID. >> WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY
TALKING ABOUT? >> YEAH, HI, PLEASE STOP
TALKING. YOUR INTERCOM BUTTONS ARE ON AND
THE PASSENGERS HEARD ALL OF THAT.
>>UH, HEY, FOLKS. ON BEHALF OF JET BLUE I'D LIKE
TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE ADULT CHAT YOU JUST HEARD.
A BUTTON ON OUR INTERCOM BROKE. JUST ONE OF THE MANY SMALL
ELECTRONIC PROBLEMS YOU RUN INTO ON A VERY OLD PLANE LIKE
THIS. >> A VERY OLD PLANE?
>> ALL RIGHT, CALLING THE PLANE OLD DIDN'T GO OVER WELL WITH THE
PASSENGERS. YOU MIGHT WANT TO SETTLE THEIR
NERVES. >>OH, MAN, THANKS.
YOU'RE AN "A" PLUS FLIGHT ATTENDANT.
>> I'M NOT A FLIGHT ATTENDANT, I AM A SKY LIAISON.
>> OKAY. >> HERE, I'LL TAKE THIS ONE.
>> OKAY. >> HOWDY, GANG.
FIRST OFFICER NEWTON HERE. THIS PLANE IS JUST FINE.
WE SPOKE WITH AN ENGINEER WHO TOLD US, OLD PLANES ARE THE
>> THE BAR? AT BUFFALO WILD WINGS?
THESE PERVERTS WERE DRINKING? >> HEY, FOLKS, JUST REALIZE THAT
BAR COMMENT MIGHT HAVE MADE YOU THINK WE WERE DRINKING BEFORE
THE FLIGHT. NO, SIR-REE.
I DO NOT DRINK. IT MESSES WITH ALL THE
MEDICATIONS I'M ON. >> OH, MY GOD.
WE'RE GOING TO DIE. >> AND YOU, YOU ARE DOING JACK
ASS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. >> HEY, LADY, YOU'RE FREAKING
SCREAMING. >> HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT
RIGHT NOW? >> BECAUSE I TOOK ADVANTAGE,
BABY. I'M FULL ON -- HAKUNA MATATA.
JET BLUE IS REALLY WORKING US HERE.
>> WHY DO THEY KEEP SAYING JET BLUE?
THIS IS NOT A JET BLUE FLIGHT. >> BY THE WAY, TEEN COMEDY,
BOOKSMART IS OUR FEATURED IN NIGHT MOVIE.
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. MAYBE NOT THE WHOLE FAMILY.
THERE'S LESBIAN STUFF IN THERE, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SEE THEM
GOING DOWN ON EACH OTHER OR ANYTHING.
WHOA, WHOA! I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID GOING
DOWN, CAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE YOU THINK OF THE PLANE GOING DOWN,
WHICH IS NOT, UNTIL WE LAND SAFELY IN SAN DIEGO.
>> BUT, THIS PLANE IS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO.
THEIR GIVE ME A XANAX. >> I WISH I COULD, BUT NO.
>> ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT FROM THE FLIGHT DECK.
SO, UH, SIT BACK, RELAX AND SIT BLACK.
SIT BLACK? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
SIT BLACK. SIT THERE AND START RAPPING IN
YOUR SEAT LIKE -- SORRY IF THAT WAS RACIALLY INSENSITIVE.
I DID NOT MEAN IT THAT WAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, FROM NOW UNTIL
CHRISTMAS, NONWHITES FLY FREE ON JET BLUE.
THAT'S NOT REAL. I JUST MADE THAT UP.
SO SIT BLACK -- WHOA, SAID IT AGAIN.
BOOK SMART. ENJOY THE FLIGHT.
OH, OKAY. LOOKS, LIKE WE'VE GOT SOME
CHOPPY AIR. MAN, TURN ON THE FASTEN THE
SEATBELT SIGN. YEP, THERE YOU GO.
>> OH, MY GOD! >> HAKUNA MATATA, BABY.