AMY GALLO: (WHISPERING) I have a lot of important things to say,
and no one ever seems to hear me. (NORMAL VOICE) What?
(LOUD VOICE) I have a lot of important things to say,
and no one ever seems to hear me.
(NORMAL VOICE) Ow, OK, I hear you now.
But getting people to listen has less
to do with volume than strategy.
And in the workplace, being heard
has a huge impact on whether you're seen as competent,
get credit for the work you do, and are
able to get your job done.
In this video, I'm going to share
tips to improve your chances of being heard at work
without having to scream.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
First things first, listen well.
Before you can expect others to listen to you,
you need to understand and demonstrate
active, engaged listening.
Sure, a good listener will be quiet,
but they will also show that they
are processing the speaker's points attentively.
We have a whole other video on active listening,
with more tips, that we'll link to in the description.
The point here is that listening is
a prerequisite to being heard.
Now, let's talk about what you can do when it's your turn.
Lay the groundwork.
There are a few things you can do to increase
your chances of being heard.
In the short term, you can encourage your counterparts
to focus.
Keep in mind that you are most likely competing for attention.
Your colleague may be checking their email,
thinking about their next meeting,
or feeling distracted by modern life.
To get their attention, you can simply request it
by saying something like, "I'd love your full attention,
if possible.
I also understand you may have other things on your mind
at the moment, and I'm happy to return to this whenever is good
for you."
Another short-term idea is to put important things in writing.
Research has shown that people only
remember a small fraction of the things they listen to.
If you're in a setting where your audience can
read along and hear you speak at the same time,
there's a better chance they'll absorb and retain
what you have to say.
Lastly, and this one takes more time,
build relationships with people around you.
Take the time to get to know them and earn some credibility.
The more they respect you on a personal level, the more likely
they will take the time to listen to what you have to say.
Pay attention to your words.
Your boss or colleague likely spends a huge portion
of their day listening to others,
so you have a limited amount of time to capture their attention
and be heard.
Get to the point, and only provide the necessary context
for your message to be heard.
Author Ben Parr reminds us that "Attention is the most important
currency anyone can give you."
So spend it wisely.
Next, choose your words carefully, especially
in situations where strong emotions can prevent people
from being attentive listeners.
Author and Communication Expert Holly Weeks
suggests keeping your language simple, clear, direct,
and neutral.
Here are some good rules of thumb
to being heard in a heated situation.
Own your perspective as your opinion.
Start sentences with I, rather than
you, so your listener doesn't feel accused and shut down.
Starting with I can also show that you acknowledge
your role in a situation and help you identify what you hope
will happen.
For example, "I was late in getting
you the numbers for your report because I felt like you
might question my methods.
I'd like to clear the air so that our next report will be
on time and more successful."
Don't apologize for your feelings with phrases like,
"I feel so bad about saying this,"
or "This is really hard for me to do."
This takes the focus away from the issue at hand,
and makes the person feel obligated to take care
of your feelings before moving on instead of listening
attentively.
Use and instead of but.
It's not necessary for someone else
to be wrong for you to be right.
But is a naturally combative word,
and could make your counterpart stop listening.
By contrast, using and can engage in collaborative problem
solving, like "You mentioned that we need X.
And I'm concerned that will draw resources away from Y.
What are our options here?"
This word choice can perk up your listener
and draw them into truly hearing what you have to say.
Similarly, use hypotheticals to jump
start an imaginative discussion, which
is more engaging than one where everyone
is defending their points.
You could say, "I hear you're concerned about A. I wonder
if we could do that by starting with B.
What would that look like?"
Author Ben Parr reminds us that repetition is also
key to capturing people's attention.
It can help them embrace an idea they may have
been predisposed to ignore.
Bottom line, don't be afraid to repeat a message
if you want it to sink in.
Don't be afraid to repeat a message
if you want it to sink in.
If needed, change the tenor of the conversation.
Despite our best intentions, conversations
don't always go as planned.
Things can get heated or go off the rails in some other way.
And when this happens, people certainly won't hear you.
My advice?
Don't panic.
Pause and take a mental step back
to see the situation objectively,
as if you were a curious fly on the wall.
How would you describe what's happening?
"Hmm.
How interesting.
Every time I bring up the sales numbers,
she stops listening and raises her voice."
Then state what you are observing
and suggest a different approach.
You could say, "I notice when the sales numbers come up,
you seem frustrated.
If we put our heads together, I think
we could come up with a way to move past this.
Do you have any ideas?"
This shifts the conversation to talk about the process
itself so that you can get back to the substance at hand,
rather than a power struggle over who's right
and who's wrong.
Here are some alternate phrasings
you can use to make the conversation more productive.
"I have a different perspective, but clearly you
think this is unfair.
How can we fix this?"
"Can you help me make the connection between this
and the other issues that we're talking about?"
"Is there anything I can say or do that might convince you
to consider other options here?"
Next, pay attention to your body language
and that of your counterpart.
The words coming out of your mouth are only half the story.
Your nonverbal communication can either undermine or elevate
what you have to say.
Wordless actions, like aggressive finger pointing
or slouching, can convey that you're
overbearing or not interested.
Confidence is key here.
It draws people in and motivates them to listen.
So how do you communicate confidently?
Authors Amy Jen Su and Muriel Maignan Wilkins
use the acronym CENTER to help people remember six key sources
of nonverbal communication.
C stands for core posture.
How is your posture?
Are you standing tall or slouching?
E is eye contact.
Do you make eye contact or avoid it?
N, natural gestures.
What are you doing with your hands, shoulders, and feet?
Are you fidgeting, clenching your fists,
or gesturing naturally?
T stands for tone, tempo, timing.
Are you speaking clearly, calmly, and audibly?
E, expressions of the face.
What expressions are you making?
And how might those be interpreted?
And lastly, R stands for regions and territory.
How do you take up space in the room?
This, of course, is a lot to think about in the moment.
So don't get too hung up on asking yourself these questions
as you're talking.
The key is to simply be aware of what messages
you're sending beyond the words coming out of your mouth.
You also want to pay attention to the other person's body
language for any clues about how receptive
they are to what you're saying.
If you notice something, consider an observation
like, "I hear you saying that you're fine with this approach,
but it looks as if you still might have some concerns.
Am I reading that right?
Should we talk those through?"
A side note to managers here--
all of your employees have valuable things to say.
But they all very likely learn different ways to communicate.
I urge you to be hyper aware of your own biases,
cultural, gender-based, or otherwise that favor
some styles over others.
For instance, are meetings set up in such a way
that introverts and extroverts have equal opportunities
to be heard and get credit for their ideas?
Do some people in your organization
tend to be valued and advantaged over others
because of their perceived confidence,
rather than actual talent?
It's critical that you hear everyone and model
that behavior for others.
You deserve to be heard, but that doesn't always
mean you will be.
There are some simple rules of thumb
to help you assert yourself and increase the chances that people
will listen to your ideas and respect your opinions.
Thanks for watching.
All of these strategies are based on HBR articles linked
in the description.
Do you have any advice on how to improve your chances of being
heard, or do you have other big topics you'd like me to cover?
Comment below.
Bye for now.