JAMES: WELCOME BACK. NOW, IT'S GREAT TO BE DOING THIS
SHOW AT THE WORLD FAMOUS TELEVISION CITY, A LOT OF
TELEVISION IS BEING FILMED HERE. IN FACT, WE SHARE THIS BUILD
WITH "THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS."
ANYONE KNOW THAT? BUT WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL THE
OTHER DAY IS THAT WE ALSO SHARE A PRINTER.
OK. OUR AFSE AND THEIR -- OFFICE AND
THEIR OFFICE SHARE A PRINTER. IN FACT, THIS MORNING, OUR
WRITERS ASSISTANT, SERGIO, HANDED ME THIS THIS MORNING
WHICH IS AN ACTUAL SCENE FROM "THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS"
THAT WAS LEFT IN OUR COPIER. AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN
GIVEN THAT WE'VE GOT CHRIS PINE AND PATRICIA ARQUETTE, TWO MEGA
STARS OF THE BIG SCREEN TO PERFORM THIS SCENE THAT THEY'VE
NEVER READ BEFORE. DOES THIS SOUND FUN?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] SOUND FUN?
PATRICIA: YEAH. JAMES: OK.
SO -- SO -- THEY'VE NEVER SEEN THESE SCRIPTS BEFORE, OK?
DON'T LOOK TOO MUCH NOW. THIS IS YOUR SCRIPT THERE.
PATRICIA, THIS IS YOURS HERE. SO HERE ARE YOUR COSTUMES, ALL
RIGHT. THERE ARE YOUR SCRIPTS.
SO FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, CHRIS PINE, ACADEMY AWARD WINNER
PATRICIA ARQUETTE AND MYSELF WILL BE THE STARS OF "THE YOUNG
AND THE RESTLESS." ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO. ANNOUNCER: JAMES CORDEN AS JACK.
CHRIS PINE AS AUSTIN. PATRICIA ARQUETTE AS PHYLLIS.
PATRICIA: I'M HAVING THIS MARRIAGE IMMEDIATELY.
CHRIS: I COMMITTED A CRIME, PHYLLIS.
PEOPLE WERE HURT BECAUSE OF IT, DAMN IT!
I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD, BABY, TURNING THINGS AROUND EVER
SINCE. THANKS TO SUMMER.
PATRICIA: OH, YOU'RE CLAIMING YOU'RE A BETTER MAN NOW?
CHRIS: I AM! PATRICIA: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
WHEN YOUVE DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO ME SINCE
I FIRST MET YOU? FOR ALL I KNOW, YOURE ARMED AND
DANGEROUS RIGHT NOW. CHRIS: YOU KNOW THATS NOT
TRUE. JAMES: WE ALL NEED TO
-- WE ALL NEED TO CALM DOWN. PATRICIA: JACK, WHY DIDNT YOU
TELL ME MY DAUGHTERS MARRIED TO A CRIMINAL?
JAMES: OUR DAUGHTER AND I WERE BOTH LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR
HEALTH. PATRICIA: MY HEALTH?
WHATS MAKING ME SICK IS HEARING THAT SAME OLD EXCUSE.
SOMEHOW, IM MANAGING TO STAND, TALK AND BREATHE EVEN AFTER
READING THAT MY FELON SON-IN-LAW PULLED A GUN ON MY SISTER AND
KIDNAPPED HER! JAMES: AVERY FORGAVE AUSTIN.
LOOK AT THESE PICTURES I BROUGHT FOR YOU, PHYLLIS.
SEE HOW HAPPY THEY ALL WERE AT THE WEDDING?
PATRICIA: SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.
IS THERE A PHOTO OF PAUL WILLIAMS THROWING RICE ON
THE HAPPY COUPLE? PROBABLY NOT SINCE THE GROOM
SHOT THE CHIEF OF POLICE IN COLD BLOOD.
[LAUGHTER] JAMES: WAIT, DAMN IT!
CALM DOWN AUSTIN, PHYLLIS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AUSTIN ISN'T THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO WAS CHARGED WITH ALMOST
KILLING PAUL WILLIAMS. IT WAS SOMEBODY ELSE IN THIS
ROOM.
PATRICIA: I THINK I'M HAVING A COMA.
JAMES: YOU'RE HAVING A COMA. DID YOU JUST SAY?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRIS PINE AND PATRICIA ARQUETTE, ALSO
KNOWN AS AUSTIN AND PHYLLIS.
WHEN WE COME BACK, MODEST MOUSE WILL BE HERE!
DON'T GO ANYWHERE! ♪