Can you not wrap your arms around me so tight?
Where else am I gonna put them
you go like a million xm?
What am I supposed to do after we commit
the robbery, stick to the 20 mile per hour speed limit?
Just be considerate, yeah?
Bruv, are you serious? Hashtag me too
Hey that's too far for fam, that's way too far
Whatever, Ryan
My vision for "Swiped" is making people more present. It's gotten to the point now where people are
standing on the edges of buildings taking selfies. They're dying for likes
literally
You need to be more present, bruv
I just wanna make people more present... namaste, innit?
We got out, quick
You done, though
Ryan, what are you talking about you weren't even there?
Yeah yeah, but like I timed you, innit? That shaved off last time by a whole ten seconds
And that's
Do you feel guilty about what you do?
Just like Jobs, Zuckerberg and Gates, we had a vision, and now we're executing
that vision. You get me?
Right you lot, let's shown what we do with the phones
Come on, you're making us look bad
It's heavy
Fuck this
Next
Yeah... I think that's enough
It all started because of you really, innit hon?
Here we go again
Neal got a new iPhone and
you kinda became a bit addicted to that phone didn't you?
I wasn't addicted I just really like Candy Crush Saga it it helps to do
problem solving
Perhaps I used it a bit too much
Jordan noticed the effect that it had on him and
I think that's when he came up with the idea
Yeah, Nick my phone off me on his bloody Vespa didn't he?
I don't know why they went to all that fuss he could have just picked it up off the table
That I believe was the first moped phone robbery
Anyway it all started with like
Neil's phone and ever since then it's got bigger like... much bigger
So, to confirm he'll be at bus stop B at 7:30 a.m.
Ryan, you don't need to repeat
everything she's saying
Okay he'll no doubt be engrossed in Grand Theft Auto
but now you can show him the real thing
Sorry
Right, I think we have everything we need
Bye
Everything was going really great with me and Ayden
until he got a free upgrade on his phone and then he got bloody glued to it
Babe, the pasta all right?
Yeah
Can you just check that it's not boiling over?
What?
Just checking it's not boiling over
yeah
I mean pillow talk went out the window overnight
Babe I'm naked
I'm coming
So anyway, friend of mine has used the guy's service before and she recommended I get in touch
I was a bit nervous but they look really professional
and now it's like our relationship is back in the honeymoon period
What are you looking at?
Stuff. The moon and stuff
Oh nice isn't it
I mean we actually talk and occasionally we even have sex
He tried to get a new one but I got them to nick that as well. Now his insurance
premium is so high he doesn't even have a phone and aside from the PTSD he
really does seem so much happier now don't you, babe? I'm just waiting for him
to grow a pair and pop the question. Jordan, is that you?
Yeah
Sorry sorry it's
just you all look the same because of the masks
Fam, it's too hot wearing this mask
I've been meaning to thank you like we are so grateful for everything you've done for us
Tell them how grateful we are
Yeah, can't thank you guys enough for what you've
done for us
Thank you
I was thinking now I'm sort of not as reliant
on the phone I'm sort of wean myself off maybe I could have it back.
I'll do anything. I'll even get one of those
apps that limit my screen time
You addicts are all the same
would you say you're a Buddhist?
Would I say I'm a Buddhist? yeah
I'd say I'm Budd-ish when we started this thing back in 2014 no one else is
doing it and then we had some dickhead copycats who misinterpreted our vision
and started doing it for the wrong reasons the Buddha would definitely
not approve
Are you concerned that by not hiding your identity you run the risk of going
to prison
If that's the price we have to pay for getting a message out there, then so be it
Oh shit
I don't think can never catch someone on the bike. Back in the day
though I used to be the guy I could catch a bike calm easy but you know my
knees and that I'm a bit bit rounded and I used to be but it's all good though, cheeks
I think the "Swiped" is really really
great for sort of having the free service get people interest to get them
hooked and stuff but if it was me running things then I'd maybe start
trying to build in some costs because I think about the overheads
Okay so regarding the Kickstarter campaign yeah yes how much want to try
and raise them I see at least 50 quid get me even go hard or go home cuz look
I say we aim for a target of at least a hundred thousand we should we used to
purchase a new fleet of electrical mapper so that we can have a positive
impact on the environment and people's mental health yes
plus I reckon we can use extra cash to launch like a training program where we
can teach others the best way to swipe people's phones and a quick and properly
efficient manner
uh-oh I metric is happiness and now we're gonna pivot I'm one with out
nation wide one day we'll smile at our fellow man and women living together in peace
and unity just as Jesus would have wanted it
You were doing so well why just to bring Jesus into it?
Cause it's a holy mission, cuz
We're not extremists right
What do I do when I'm not swiping phones? Well I've actually just got into Pilates do you
know it it helps a lot of like core stability and stuff sometimes when I'm
on the back of my Vespa it does my back in so it's been sorting me out quite a
lot recently What do you mean what do I do when
I'm not swiping phones? Fam I'm on the job 24/7 fam this is what I do fam I'm about this
life ain't got nothing else to do fam it's a serious thing
yeah like I'm about fam, yeah? What kind of question is that bruv? Sort yourself out
There's no limit to how big this could get its just how much planning and
brains goes behind it you know I mean hashtag limitless hashtag successful
hashtag gonna break the future dot com
it was just selfie after selfie with her I guess you could say she's a selfie
obsessed sorry. Right everyone smile well no like actual smile I am smiling
ok fine after a while I had to do something about it so... I did
That's my best selfie
This, this is what I'm talking about
my guy with the dumb phone see we practice what we preach
what do you mean
I swiped this earlier
What are you doing swiping dumb phones for them lot are on our side
Fam you told me to swipe phones okay
you're an idiot