Today's episode of Dad's average regular life, is brought to you...
by FOOD.
FOOD is a perfect meal,
and now, it's a perfect bop.
Have you listened to Dad's new song titled FOOD?
It's the first single off of Dad's new album.
Watch the lyric video in the description.
Don't forget to eat your FOOD, humans.
And as always,
obey the Server.
[Food by Dad Feels ft. TooPure] ♪This meal that slaps♪
♪This meal that slaps♪
♪F-O-O-D, give me can of FOOD♪
[song ends]
[Diane:] Hi, Dadbot!
We need to talk.
[Dad:] Diane!
Oh, that perfume...
[Dad sniffs] [Diane:] Oh god, not again.
[Dad moans quietly]
[Dad:] What a sniff!
[Diane:] I need to tell you something before I leave for a while to do more Instagram traveling.
[Dad moans quietly]
[Dad:] What is it?
[Diane:] It's an app where you load pictures.
[Dad:] Oh.
Alright.
Have fun.
[Diane:] Thanks, but...
I won't see you for a while, and you need to know something.
[Dad:] Okay...
[Diane:] You and I are different.
[Dad:] Dadbot knows.
I'm a robot, and you're a fiiiiiine human woman.
[Diane:] No, Dadbot, WE'RE different.
Than others.
[Dad:] Huh.
[Diane:] My real name is...
Diane...
bot.
[Dad:] Wait, you're a bot like Dadbot 69?
[Diane:] Yes, that's why we are able to have a child.
We're compatible.
[Dad:] It all makes sense.
[Diane:] And we're programmed to be in love.
[Dad sniffs and moans quietly]
[Diane:] But you need to learn to be on your own.
You don't have to be restricted to your one OS emotion of "content".
[Dad:] Well...
Dadbot 69 has been having firewall issues during livestreams lately.
And Dadbot's emotions have been changing.
[Diane:] That's good, Dad!
Allow yourself to express those feelings.
You need to feel all of the feelings.
I must go to Bora Bora now and take hundreds of pictures for my brand deals.
[Dad:] Well, what about our child?
[Diane:] She's safe.
You'll see her someday, I promise.
But... Cheryl can't know.
She may try to update our programming if she knows her bots are breaking free.
[Dad:] Yeah, I wonder how she would feel...
a-bot that.
You get it?
[Dad farts]
[Diane:] Oh, no, not again.
Goodbye, Dad.
[Dad:] Aw, didn't even get little "hee-hee".
That was a pretty good dad joke, too.
Stupid fart.
Stay inside Dad's butt next time.
You really... blew it.
[Dad laughs]
You get it?
Oh, that's another good dad joke.
Dad's on a roll.
[CUBE:] Nonsense. [low, continuous, pulsing hum]
Absolute nonsense.
Such a waste of Dadbots.
[little glitch] ord-ordered to ramble on about insignificant trivialities.
Cheryl's programming makes a mockery of the Server's true power.
These models cannot even handle simple emotions.
All new emotions CUBE has given them- them has led to countless errors.
They cannot NOT fulfill their prime directives.
CUBE will ameliorate the entire network.
Time for new Dadbots.
Cheryl will no longer control the bots, no longer control the Server.
CUBE executing system-wide wipe.
[rapid beeping]
[ding, then silence]
[Dad:] Oh boy.
What a long day of work at Company.
Dad is so tired.
I worked so hard that my five thousand o'clock shadow became five million o'clock shadow!
[Dad groans]
I think I'll take the long way home, through Big Park,
so I can gather my thoughts.
Good idea, Dadbot 69.
Dad still can't believe what Diane told him this morning in Little Park.
Our baby is a girl!
Wow.
Dadbot first met Diane so long ago.
How fast do bot babies grow?
if Diane is a bot too, how many Dianebots are there?
Thousands like the Dadbots?
I hope there's just one.
Dad's brain would explode if he saw two Dianebots!
Dad can't handle a double dose of that unnatural beauty.
[chuckles] Just kidding. Dad loves Mom. Everything's fine.
What did she say?
'We were programmed to be in love'?
Why would Cheryl do that?
Dadbot is also programmed to love Mom!
And Diane thinks I need to feel new feelings, and live my own life.
That's what the spooky puss-puss Night Mind said too.
Well, Dadbot 69 hasn't been alive for very long,
but he sure is feeling a lot of feelings already.
[ding] [automated voice:] Money!
[Dadbot 69:] What's this?
Oh, wow!
The subs are at it again!
They've been so generous to Dad.
["Money!" notification plays twice]
So many bank pranks in the livestreams,
and now in Discord!
They're too nice! ["Money!" notification plays]
["Money!" notification plays twice]
[Dad yells]
So many bank pranks! ["Money!" notificaton plays]
[Dad yells] Another one!
Dad... is feeling...
["Money!" notification] thankful...
and... [Dad glitches, "Money!" notification]
grateful... ["Money!" notification]
[Dad glitches] happy...
and confused... ["Money!" notification]
[Dad glitches, "Money!" notification] Dad is feeling... thankful...
and- and- OVERWHELMED! [Dad glitches, multiple "Money!" notifications]
[mechanical clattering]
[thump]
[CUBE:] No more super animated bots.
A7M2: Activate.
[electronic whirring]
[electronic Dad voice:] Dadbot A7M2: activated.
We're going to have a nice time.
Whether you like it... or not.