It suddenly transpired that there was this secret speech by Khrushchev,
which wasn't very secret
because that day at a given time an open party meeting was going to be held at PIW,
as well as at nearly every other party organisation
controlled by the Warsaw Committee,
where the speech was going to be read and people would be able
to hear everything at an open party meeting.
Well, you can appreciate that I rushed off to that meeting
I listened to the whole speech with amazement
because it wasn't that I was surprised that the things Khrushchev spoke of had occurred,
because if he spoke about how Kosior had been tortured and killed
that was something that I didn't know about, I had no idea that
there had been any party activist like that in the Ukraine.
However, I can list the names of other people who met with the same fate,
not those names but different ones, the actual event came as no surprise to me.
Nevertheless, I just couldn't understand what that Khrushchev was going on about,
what he was planning to do next, what his next moves would be.
If this was how he was starting off then he must have very far-reaching aims.
What would come of it, what sort of world would we be living in a month or six months from now?
These were just thoughts that were puzzling me because
I had no concept, no vision of what might happen.
The atmosphere there was extraordinary
because at that time, in every institution you could still come across a specific type of person
who was referred to as the 'aunts of the revolution' who are
no longer alive today or if they are they're senile old ladies
who can no longer function so there's nothing to remark on any more
but back then, you could come across these 'aunts of the revolution' in every institution.
They were former party activists usually not very highly placed but very emotionally involved,
and now it turned out there were tears,
handkerchiefs were produced and put to liberal use,
and an atmosphere arose which quite honestly was a bit grotesque
as a result of all the things that Khrushchev was talking about.
Therefore, when the speech had been read and they asked if there were any questions, I got in first.
I was angry, very angry, to the point where everything was seething within me
and I said, with enormous anger, that I don't understand why
everyone here is in tears, snotting into their hankies –
I was very rude – when we'd known all of this already, of course, not about Mr A but about other people,
we didn't know the fate of people to whom Khrushchev was referring, but we do know of similar cases in Poland,
we should be happy that we're starting to talk about these things, and besides, why is everyone so surprised?
Why is everyone so taken aback and why are people crying?
And then something quite extraordinary happened.
One of the editorial directors at PIW had been brought in by Różański,
he'd been the secretary to the Minister of Public Security [MBP]
and before that the director of the legal department of the MBP.
His name was Braude and he did the most outrageous thing.
Namely, he took the floor next and said he doesn't understand how it is that I could even say such a thing.
Because I've said that everyone knew.
I can only speak for myself, saying that I knew, whereas he didn't know anything.
And so how does that reflect on me morally?
How does the previous speaker appear morally if he knew about this
yet he didn't inform his colleagues and his friends?
I have never heard anything about this from him', said Braude.
If he was afraid to speak about this in a conversation,
then he ought at least to have chalked up graffiti on the walls about this!'
Well, I have to say that I was enthralled by the notion that I should be chalking up graffiti on walls
especially as having been a scout with Grey Ranks, I'd had quite a lot to do with chalking up slogans on walls.
At that moment, the situation was defused because I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
Should I get up and smack him in the teeth?
The frame of mind I was in, I could have done something insane.
This was defused by my friend Zośka Lewinówna
who said, as if to herself but addressing the whole room,
Well, yes, Braude likes Jasio and is sorry that he didn't get to know him a bit sooner'.
Everyone burst out laughing and the situation was defused.
In short, Khrushchev's letter is linked with my very personal recollection,
but I had no idea at the time what it was all about nor about what would happen next.
All I knew was that we were going to experience a whole sequence of events
which would most probably be very interesting.