Good morrow. Are you haunted by a specter?
♪ If a ghost is haunting you ♪
♪ And you have no clue What to do ♪
♪ Don't just stand and scream ♪
♪ Call the number On your screen ♪
[laughing]
And now we wait for customers.
[door creaking]
Uh, it doesn't look so bad.
Thanks for encouraging pat, buddy.
You too.
[both] That's not me.
Boo!
[screaming]
Whoops.
Hurry, fangs, we're gonna be late.
Good evening, fellow members of the Mortician's Club.
I've called this meeting because I have terrible news.
What terrible news?
Shh.
Oh, no, no, no. In this case, the terrible news
is nothing to be excited about.
My father accepted a job as a lifeguard
on the SS Fun Times party cruise.
And since I can not legally separate from them...
I must move with my suntanned family.
- Bummer. - Sorry, Bertrand.
Thank you, dear friends,
but please dwell not on my misfortune.
Instead, let us focus on more important matters.
[clearing throat]
Try and keep up, Boris.
More important matters,
like who will replace me as president?
- Yeah. - Gasp.
I have, however, already chosen my successor.
I really think she's earned it.
So please welcome our new president.
Haiku.
[squealing]
Haiku, do you accept?
So unexpected but an honor to bang the skeleton gavel.
That was a haiku I just wrote.
Boris.
I have a new deck of fortunetelling cards.
I could give everybody readings.
Me first.
Over here, Lucy! Over here, Lucy!
It's Madam Lucy.
Ooh.
Lori, you will go on a long trip.
Ooh, maybe Bobby's taking me to Italy.
He is working at that pizza place.
Lola, the universe will open doors for you.
[chuckles] Tell me something I don't know.
Luan, you will soon be blown away.
How fortunate. [laughing]
- Good one. - Ow.
Poppycock.
Could these predictions be any more nonspecific?
Lisa, you will make an amazing scientific discovery
before entering the park today. Is that specific enough for you?
Specific, yes. Plausible, no. As a woman of science,
I can not take any of this seriously.
Well, the cards don't lie.
Last but not least, Lincoln.
[gasping]
What? What does it say?
So, uh, who wants to play football?
Lucy, come on, tell me.
Fine. Your day at the park will end in tragedy.
A radio station of music stings.
Neato burrito.
Why are we even meeting out here anyway?
It's just our weekly spin class.
Oh, good. I've been meaning to work out my glutes.
Not that kind of spinning.
[screaming]
[panting]
This is Debra. She likes to cuddle.
Get that thing away from me!
[sneezing]
[gasping] Boris, my seven foot angel.
[groaning] No more kid stuff.
Time for scare level 11.
Ready everyone? I have a feeling
the ghosts will be very active this evening.
Spirits, give us a sign you are amongst us.
I said, "Give us a sign."
[moaning]
Our spirit must be in that crypt.
[moaning]
I'll go inside and coax it out.
I swear, if it's Principal Huggins again,
I'm out of here.
Quick, Fangs, costume me.
Lola Loud,
I was once a young and beautiful pageant queen like you.
I must devour your youthful essence.
[screaming]
[panting]
[moaning]
[squawking]
[screaming]
Gasp!
Lucy? Wait a minute. You trying to scare me?
Sigh. Yes.
I wanted to make you quit the club.
Oh. Okay, fine. I'll leave then.
Lola, wait.
Wow, that was cold-blooded, but not in a good way.
My last gift to Ricky will be to send him
to the heavens in this.
[gasping]
Finally, he will get to experience the joy of flight.
- A trebuchet? - What?
Time to go home, sweet prince.
Fair thee well.
[gasping]
[screaming]
Hey, he was supposed to go to the big barn in the sky,
but you put him on the 10 a.m. to Cincinnati!?
[crying] [booing]
Lucy!
Hey, Lola. Glad you're here. I just drew these wands,
which means you're going--
Never mind that. We need to barricade the door.
Help me move this dresser!
Uh, wanna tell me what's going on?
[sighing]
Okay, I took your creepy doll and then I broke her,
and now she's haunting me. I'm so sorry, Lucy.
You told me not to touch her. And I should've listened to you.
You broke her? She looks fine to me.
That- Yeah, that's not your doll.
That is!
[thundering]
Whoa, how did you even do this?
Well, it began as a simple tea stain,
and then things kind of progressed from there.
[sighing] I'm a terrible sister.
No, you're not. I forgive you.
It's not like you did this on purpose.
Thank you, Luce. You're really nice.
So, can you please get her to stop haunting me and stuff?
She was probably just haunting you
because you took her away from her rightful owner.
Now that you've given her back, I'm sure she'll leave you alone.
Phew. [chuckles]
Well, that's a relief.
And sorry again for wrecking your doll and stuff.
[scoffs] Wrecking her?
Now that I know she can haunt people,
I like her even better.
Of course she does.
All you have to do is go in my room and open the coffin.
Brightly lit, empty room. We got this one.
It's empty.
Phew. That wasn't so bad.
I knew you could do it.
[screaming]
Next, you have to see the world from a vampire's perspective.
Uh. This is giving me a migraine.
Yeah, and I'm getting a headache.
[gasping] Wait.
Is that my missing jelly sandal under the couch?
Whoo hoo!
And my missing ring.
[gasping] And Lucy, I found your creepy dolls.
Give me those.
We should def do this every week.
We'll never lose anything again.
Sigh.
Next, you have to watch the show as a vampire would,
in one of these.
Uh, this provides zero lumbar support.
It's also really hard on your back.
I can not spend a whole hour in this.
Wait, I know, decorative throw pillows.
They'll add support and a little judge zhuzh.
Ooh! And we can use the lid to make a fun TV tray.
Wait, there's still one more ritual.
This is an absolute must.
Toasting every new episode with a refreshing glass
of homemade blood.
Eww.
I don't know if I can handle this.
I totally get that.
It's not easy being a fan of this show.
I'll understand if you guys want to bail.
Wait. Beet smoothies!
They look just like blood,
but now they're delicious and full of antioxidants.
- Yeah. - Cheers.
Sigh.
These kids are the gloomiest, creepiest,
weirdest creatures I've ever seen.
[overlapping chatter]
Even their grandpa is creepy.
[laughing]
Boris is only nine, but still very flattered.
They'd be great for the season premiere.
They're obviously real goths,
and not just a bunch of randos from the mall.
Wow, could this possibly get any better?
This black cherry juice is simply smashing?
Top notch.
Edwin.
Oh, cheerio, spooky children.
He called us spooky.
Watch the shoes, please.
[giggling]
Seen 40, take one.
Rescued from your mortal state,
my creatures of the night rise and embrace
your newfound vampire power.
Oh, huh? Hiss.
My minions, have you shed your earthly attachments?
As human life is no more.
Yo, and you dudes are gonna love the no bedtime thing.
[groaning]
Thanks for helping us, like, not go extinct.
It was our displeasure.
[hissing]
I think I found your ghost.
I was able to dig up this old Fairway yearbook
from 1900.
[coughing]
[gasping] Shanks Bogey. That's him.
Armed with this most intimate info,
it's time we make contact with Shanks
and let him know he's dearly missed at Fairway.
Tis a time to putt, a time to play through.
Dear spirit of Shanks,
we summon thee back to Fairway U.
Tis a time to putt, a time to play through.
Dear spirit of Shanks,
we summon thee back to Fairway U.
[gasping] Look. Is that Shanks?
[shivering]
[gasping]
[croaking]
Okay, everyone, places.
[moaning]
[chuckles] How's that?
Mmm, not quite there. I think we need to lose a limb.
No! Lucy, no!
Here, Lynn, don't forget your chainsaw.
Ah.
A little homemade blood and you're good to go.
You're a real pro, honey.
I should've let you do this years ago.
That's okay, Mom. I'm just glad to finally get my chance.
I'm so thrilled I can barely contain myself.
I know, honey. I can see it all over your face.
I literally want to suck your blood.
Hmm. Missing something.
Fangs, here.
[shrieking]
If you want to make it more authentic,
he could bite your neck.
No. I mean, this is fine.
[laughing]
Hang on, Luan,
your monster needs more stitches.
That's "sew" much better.
[laughing] Get it?
No puns in the maze.
[groaning]
Looks great, Leni, but don't forget this.
[gasping]
Why do I have to look so pale?
You've just been decapitated.
Well, I'd still put on some blush.
Ready to rock, oh, mistress of the dark.
Drop down an octave and try it in D minor.
That's the spookiest key.
Okay, guys,
the Loud Family haunted corn maze is officially open.
Let's bring on the screams, people.
[organ playing spooky music]
[pounding, grunting]
Uh. Sorry, I'm still breaking it in.
My fellow goths,
there's no way we're going to the beach.
It has everything we're against: sunshine...
sand...
and sports.
But this field trip is mandatory.
That doesn't mean we can't stop it.
Here, here.
Come on. I've got an idea.
Ready, guys? Just like we practiced.
[screaming]
Come back with my hair!
Guess there's no one to drive us to the beach now.
Sigh. Field trip canceled.