(IN UNISON) Heeeyyy!
Welcome to Comment Commentary.
I'm Elliott Morgan.
I'm Lee Newton.
And I'm Steve Zaragoza.
[INAUDIBLE]
This is where you go for your comments
all throughout the week, and we reply to them.
Before we do that, we want to show
you guys our brand new Facebook banner photo in three,
(IN UNISON) Two, one.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
And if every time you see the Facebook banner photo,
you're like, gosh, I wish that was me,
then head on over to Facebook and like our Facebook page.
You can also submit photos.
And we'll show them in a montage that looks a lot like this.
Three,
(IN UNISON) Two, one.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Before we begin, I want to say a quick tribute, a quick moment
of silence for Mr. Zaragoza's beard,
as well as your long locks, as well as the destruction
of a very well-constructed brand.
Yeah.
Well, you know, sometimes, you have to kind of--
Shh, moment of silence.
OK, I get it.
Actually, you know what--
No, shh-- ah.
OK, you don't understand--
What?
I don't understand how he doesn't understand
what a moment of silence is.
It's a moment of silence.
It's incredibly disrespectful.
Yeah.
Oh, here he comes.
All right.
Oh, he's running, so that's something.
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
Oh, here we go.
Wonderful.
Ew.
Oh!
Is that your beard hair?
What are you doing?
Oh.
No, it's--
Please don't, please don't, please don't, please
don't, please don't--
No, you don't--
Please don't, please don't.
No, I don't.
Steve is--
No, Steve.
No.
Steve.
Steve, no.
So the first story that we're going--
Steve, no.
To get into today is the--
No.
The Grammys--
(WARNING) Steve, no.
Meltdown, and--
No, I might vomit.
OK.
Oh, man.
And we asked you--
I'm not kidding.
We asked you--
[GAGGING COUGH]
God!
I don't know why this is grossing me out so bad.
I can't really look at it.
I'm not kidding.
I can't look at it.
That looks like steel wool.
I just keep thinking of it in my mouth.
It looks like steel wool that you do the dishes
with after a big Thanksgiving dinner.
[GAGS LOUDLY]
Hey guys, I'm Steve Zaragoza.
Ew.
Oh, you're so gross, Lee.
(WEAKLY) No, I'm not kidding.
Steve, please take it-- [HEAVES AND COUGHS].
[BLOWS HAIR OUT OF MOUTH]
Gross, gross, gross, gross.
[CONTINUES BLOWING HAIR]
(SCREAMING) Oh, gross!
Gross, gross!
Steve, take it off!
This is why he's not allowed on the couch.
If you guys would like to buy this patch of beard,
you can use my Paypal address, which is right here.
No, it's not.
The Paypal address is not up there.
Do not put that up there.
You can just send me like, I don't know, $10.
I'll give you this whole thing.
$10?
I'll pay you $10 to take it off right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, OK.
Oh, damn it.
Elliott, go.
I'll splitsies.
My wallet's in the other room.
I'll give you a cellphone.
It doesn't work with the speakerphone.
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah, this won't work for me.
I need currency.
Oh, damn it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm going to keep it on the whole episode.
All right, guys, so today's first story
that we're going to delve into is the Grammys meltdown.
56th annual Grammys meltdown.
Oh my god, it's like--
I don't know if you guys watched the Grammys.
I sure didn't.
That's so gross.
No, I sure didn't either.
OK.
I asked you guys to let me know your absolute favorite music
artist, and whether or not you watched the Grammys
and if you liked it.
Steve, what's your favorite music artist?
You know, I'll tell you-- Rob Zombie,
or whoever you're dressing as?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is that a reference to something?
No, it really does look like Rob Zombie.
Mhm.
Serious [BLEEP].
Yeah, you look like a Fred Durst, but lamer.
[GAGS]
(SINGING) Dig through the ditches--
[SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION] Why is it so gross to me?
(SINGING) And burn through the witches.
(YELLING) No!
No, please.
Please, Steve.
Yeah, I just need to reinforce it
a little bit, because it's coming off.
Are things good with System of a Down right now, or--?
Yeah, how do you feel about-- oh, really.
When you head up your Trent Reznor fan club,
what is it like?
Do they all meet in your mom's basement, or--?
Hey, do you all also meet when you watch Sons of Anarchy
together and pretend that it's you?
You know, I think it's really funny.
And I think it's great and clever, too.
[GIGGLES]
But the part that you don't understand
is this is actually my pubic hair.
Steve Burns said, "St. Vincent deserves a Grammy more
than everyone else at the event.
But it will never happen, because the Grammys is merely
a fraudulent construction of mass media."
Wow, that's actually legitimately--
that's a really solid observation.
And I love the wording. "Fraudulent."
I don't understand this St. Vincent thing.
Is this actually like a saint that
has gone into the music world?
Because I find that very-- kind of cool.
Keener60, a guy after my own heart,
says, "Dave Grohl is by far my favorite musician."
Dave Grohl's great.
"The dude is a monster drummer, a great front man,
and a funny guy.
He seems like he's done it all.
I mean, he just won a Grammy with Sir Paul.
That's amazing."
That is amazing.
Guys--
Also, he's worked with the Muppets.
Please, stop.
You know who else has worked with the-- gross.
Gross.
I've got like a lot of hair on me.
It's like hanging off of it.
Gross.
It's falling off of you.
There's a lot of hair on my shirt.
Dude, that's legit gross.
I don't know--
Here's what I thought you were going to do,
and I was going to be OK with that.
I thought you were going to take that bag,
and tape that bag to your face.
Which would have probably been a funnier sight gag.
Would it have been a funnier sight gag?
I don't know.
Because right now, I can't look at you.
We'll never know.
And I love you so much, but I can't look at you.
Let's have a hug really quick.
No.
I'm not kidding.
I'll get violent.
What about a little friendly little [MAKES KISSY NOISE].
A little friendly peck.
No.
No, I will get violent.
Come on, we like jokes where we kiss.
It's weird because, I am a little sister,
and very rarely does that come out,
but when someone corners me, I tend to just throw my fists.
No, I get it.
OK.
Sometimes, when people try to tickle me, I'll get real angry.
Cassmaelou said, "Justin Timberlake.
I've loved that man since I was eight years old.
I'm 22 now, so I don't think that'll be
changing anytime soon."
[STEVE BELCHES]
[STEVE CACKLES UNTIL OUT OF BREATH]
You know, it doesn't get much grosser.
[CONTINUES LAUGHING] I don't think it gets any grosser.
You found a woman who would marry you?
Yeah, he's married!
This guy's married!
You're blowing it-- you're misting it everywhere.
Does anybody have like, chili I could put in this thing?
All right, we're good.
We're moving on from there.
All right, let's do--
This couch is gonna--
Let's do teen saves airplane from crash.
Lee, do you wanna bring that in?
(STRAINED) Yeah, sure.
Are you really gonna leave that on the whole time?
I don't know, man.
It's like starting to get really gross.
(STRAINED) A teen saves-- uh.
What's wrong, Lee?
Nothing.
What's wrong?
A teen saves airplane from crash.
A teen badass took the wheel of an airplane,
and then he started to fly around in circles,
because he couldn't necessarily land it.
But he kept the plane up in the air.
That's what he did?
Yeah!
He was like, I don't know how to land!
All right, and we asked you guys,
let us know some of the heroic things
that you guys have heard of?
Charles Rank says, "One time, I saw someone slam on the brakes
to save a few dark from getting run over."
Awww.
"I guess that was pretty heroic."
Next time, you've got to plow through them.
When I was growing up in Florida,
we would have these very large grasshoppers,
these orange grasshoppers.
Mhm.
And my mom would take her car, which was a Cadillac,
and she would swerve in the road to crunch
the grasshoppers, because she hated them so much.
It's like the same thing, basically.
What are you doing?
I know that if you're being silent, that--
[CACKLES]
Something is brewing.
I don't ever trust your silence, ever.
What are you talking about?
[COUGHS]
Oh, stop doing that.
That's so nasty.
That's the only part that's gross.
I'm not kidding.
By proximity, I feel like I'm getting them on me.
Like, I'm losing my mind.
Uh, Dalton Mone--
Did you put a pube hair on me?
(CONDESCENDINGLY) Of course not.
That's not the jokes--
I'm gonna punch you right in your nuts.
Did you put a pube hair on me?
Those are not the jokes we do here!
That is the joke you do.
You know what?
I've got to tell you something.
Can I please be honest with you?
Yeah, if you put a pube hair on me,
I'm gonna punch you in the [INAUDIBLE].
It's not-- it's called a beard.
I'm gonna take your gooch.
I'm gonna rip it right out.
It's called a beard.
It's not pubes.
That's offensive.
It's pubic hair.
It's offensive.
The pubic hair comes from the pubic region of the body.
This came from my face.
This is one of your pube hairs--
What are you talking about?
On my pillow.
I'm sorry.
It's not pubic hair!
It's a beard hair, and I shampooed
and conditioned it regularly!
OK, you got-- you got it right--
No.
So, a teen saved an airplane from a car crash.
I'm gonna rip your--
[LAUGHING BREATHLESSLY]
(SCREAMING) No!
Don't get it on you more!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
[INAUDIBLE]
You just porcupined her with your beard.
Well, she attacked me first.
So, [? Sineselinity ?] says--
Rest in peace, iPod, for God sakes.
With dwindling sales, the iPod might
be joining the Discman in great technology pile [LAUGHS]
in the sky.
So yeah, the iPod's going kaput, apparently.
And I believe that was Elliott and I in the video, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was a good video.
It was a great video.
Go watch it, if you haven't.
It's a lot of fun.
This thing's like seven pounds.
Yeah, I know.
That's the iPod 1?
iPad?
I said iPad, yeah.
You can roll it back if you need to.
The question we asked you guys was, what piece of technology
would you like to see go away or come back?
I remember in the video, Elliott and I
were talking about the bidet, which is a--
Yeah.
I do like a good bidet.
You want to see it stick around.
It was nice.
It was a nice organic conversation.
I wish it was around around more often.
Yeah.
I know, you can't-- I hear some hotels have a bidet.
A bidet is really-- I don't know.
Old houses, colonial.
America's such a-- (IMITATING AMERICA) We're bluh bluh bluh.
You would think that we would be on board with the bidet.
Well, that's what I was talking about.
Like, the savagery of the way we clean ourselves
post-defecation--
Yeah.
Is really unparalleled.
Yeah.
It's the wad of paper.
It's incredibly unsanitary.
Yeah.
It's--
Ridiculous
Ridiculous.
And we do it with a straight face 20% of the time.
Yeah, and also the percentage of skin contact
to your own waste--
Yeah.
Yeah, not good.
There's a high percentage--
Germs.
You're gonna get a little poo on your fingernail or hand.
But to answer the technology question,
I'd like to see these things go away.
iPads?
Wait, you don't like iPads?
I don't like iPads at all.
Wait, at all?
Not even the-- have you tried the lighter ones?
No, I haven't.
Maybe I should.
Well, why don't you try that, and then we'll come back?
Did the beard make him kind of [INAUDIBLE]--
I'm honestly wondering if the--
I know.
Yeah.
Love22merritt says, "TV remotes is
the technology I would like to see go away,
and sporks I would like to see make a comeback.
Sporks are still-- actually, I went to Taco Bell recently,
and there was no spork, and I was
a little devestated about it.
Wait, why can't we just do away with the spoon,
and just always spork?
Have a spork, yeah.
Soup.
Soup, I think, would be the biggest reason?
Eh, you can still grab it.
Soup sometimes has chunks in there, and you still get it.
I feel like even if you had a spork for soup, it's still OK.
I can't honestly watch him.
Hm-mm.
Like, I can connect with the words that he's saying.
I don't think he knows we're here right now.
Yeah.
I don't think he's even talking to anybody.
Alexander Lewis says, "I would bring the the fanny pack,
or bum bag if you're from across the pond."
(WITH SILLY VOICE) Bum bag!
"God, I wish someone would make those cool.
So goddamn practical."
I think bum bag is a cool--
Bum bag is a cool name.
"Boom-bog."
Maromania said, "Awww.
I love the iPod.
Screw the iPhone.
It has hardly any memory, and I like Android.
But my iPod classic with 160 gigs that got
ran over by a truck and is still perfectly fine a year later?"
Nice.
Wow.
"Yes."
You know, can I be honest?
You don't like the iPod, you're done with the iPod.
I love iPods.
'Cause I love iPods too.
I like iPods too.
I use my iPod.
It's these things that I'm like "nyaahh" all the time.
Well, the iPod is specific.
It's like, music.
That's it.
Yeah.
But yeah.
No, I'm sad to see iPod go.
I have an iPod in my truck right now,
and it has my original library.
It's like a time capsul--
Awww, so it's just like Weezer.
From like four years ago.
It's like a whole bunch of Weezer.
A lot of Weezer.
Do you know Andrea Bocelli?
Andrea Bocelli.
(WITH POOR ITALIAN ACCENT) Andrea Bocelli.
That Celine Dion phase that you went through?
Oh, look.
It was a time--
You got some Beastie Boys in there?
A phase.
Huh?
You got some Beastie Boys in there?
Yeah, a lot of Beastie Boys.
Cool, bro.
Weird Al?
Yeah, I got some Weird Al in there, but only
of the one album that nobody liked.
The Polka album.
The one that he did--
I love Polka Party!
Polka Party, yeah.
You know, he released that in a rush
in order to keep the momentum going,
and it was critically panned and only got gold.
I love Polka Party.
That's a great album.
Any Sade?
No, what's that?
You don't know Sade?
(SINGING MOURNFULLY) Smooth times.
(SINGING TOGETHER) Smooth--
But now I have Spotify--
(SINGING TOGETHER) Operator.
And then--
[CONTINUE SINGING]
Oh, Timothy Edwards said, "I'd love to see autotune go away.
The real musicians would then stand out like Steve's chin!
(SCREAMING) Oh!
(SCREAMING) Whoa!
That is--
That's crazy.
That is a transition for you to take it off.
That would be, yeah!
I think it's time.
Yeah, you should probably take it off now.
It really would be a good transition to take it off.
I'd love to see autotune go away,
says the real musicians of--
I swear to god.
I don't know why we're putting it back in the bag?
Because some demented person might--
If I had a lighter right now, I'd take it--
I would take it, yeah.
But then it'd smell like burnt hair.
Then that smell, yeah.
You happy now?
Are you happy?
I'm happy.
Are you happy?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Because I don't think I am very happy.
I'm happy.
Are you happy?
I think that if you--
Are you happy?
I want to make sure we're all happy, here.
If I did something like that to you, that'd make you happy.
I think it would make you happy.
I think I'd be fine with it.
Are you guys happy?
Well, "happy" is a subjective term that not everyone knows.
I'm happy.
You're happy, great.
Oh, OK.
Well, as long as you guys are happy.
[SPUTTERED LAUGHTER]
Why are we holding hands now?
Our hands just met, and it happened.
It was just perfect.
Like two loveless monkeys that are just like, "Nyar!"
Does it warm you up?
Yeah, that'd be great.
You're not letting me go.
No, because I'd like you to be warm.
Guys, thank you for joining us for Comment Commentary.
We have a great weekend lined up for you.
We've got Ultimate Pop Culture coming up on Monday.
We've got Freaking Bloopers coming back on Sunday.
Yeah!
Also, we have another treat that's up right now.
You can head on over to YouTube.com/forhumanpeoples.
Click this annoatation right there,
and go watch a video about cats.
You can learn all about cats-- facts
about cats that are super charming and funny.
Freaking adorable.
Also, I want to add that, yeah, not only is it adorable,
but that team of FHP wizards over there
did a fantastic job animating.
And Brian, specifically.
I don't know his last name, and I've only met him twice here.
The astronaut.
But he does a great job.
Comes in like--
We've never actually spoke personally
or made eye contact, layer but he did a great job
doing the animations.
He tried making eye contact, and you said
[MAKES HARSH SCOFFING SOUND] Don't make--
[REPEATS SOUND] like that.
No, I would never.
And he was like, what?
And he was like no eye contact.
I would never do that.
That's just rude and not true.
Are you happy now?
Yeah, actually, I am.
[LAUGHS]
For once in my life.
All right, guys, thanks for joining us.
Have a safe weekend.
Safe weekend.
Please be safe.
Drink responsibly.
Be safe.
Drink responsibility.
Make sure you're 21 or over, or 18, or whatever that that is.
Those are two unrelated sentences.
Just make sure you're 21.
Just make sure you're 21 if you're gonna be safe.
Not if you're drinking.
Just make sure you are.
Yeah.