have you ever wondered what it's like to be sober after you were addicted to
drugs and alcohol well in this video I'm gonna talk about my sobriety and how
much my life's changed so stay tuned what is up everybody this is Chris from
the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and
many of you out there who are familiar with my channel you know I talk about
mental health and addiction and I should little bits and pieces of my story here
and there but this is a video that's long overdue I just want to kind of talk
in kind of a macro sense of how much my life has changed since getting clean
over five and a half years ago so my sobriety date is June 23rd 2012 which is
interesting because that's also my actual birthday in 2012 I was turning 27
years old so I got sober on that day and when I when I look at my life now I see
such a huge change and it took a long time took a very very long time to see
significant changes but you know one of the best things one of the best things
about just getting clean and sober is waking up and not having these panic
attacks like the panic attacks you know were brutal for a variety of different
reasons waking up and wondering where the bottle was where am I gonna get a
drink from what time is it you know because it's this constant thing that
we're doing or it's like where the drugs at you know did I use too much last
night am i all our the other part of this anxiety was like if you're a
blackout drinker like I am or you do really stupid stuff when you get high
it's checking your phone the next morning and being like who did I text
last night who did I call who did I say terrible things to because I had a habit
of you know texting or calling every X I've ever had in my life calling my
parents crying and being all depressed and stuff like that and it was it was
just it was embarrassing and I never knew what happened you know what I mean
and there would just be this panic waking up in the morning um but you know
one of the biggest things to is like I'm not a slave
to anything anymore like that's the most brutal part about addiction you know why
so one of the things that keeps us in our act of addiction is that we have
this false idea of control that whole I could quit if I wanted to but I just
don't want to like this thing had complete control over my life like every
single thing I did I had to be higher drunk for you know and and it was a mass
like I was completely reliant on something to make me feel a certain way
or make me act a certain way it got rid of my social anxiety got rid of my
depression you know but that was how it used to be but then it sort of fueling
my social anxiety and fueling my depression fueling my hatred towards the
word but I always needed it it was a constant struggle to find out where is
it coming from how am I getting this and today I live this amazing life where I
don't need anything anything at all any kind of external substance now I am on
an antidepressant mad but something completely different this is something
where I don't got to worry about who am I gonna lie cheat or steal from in order
to get this thing I go to the doctor they give me a prescription and and
we're good but this is also another reason why I've done videos on this in
the past and even though I'm not some big like anti weed guy you know I voted
for the legalization of marijuana here in my state of Nevada but like there's
just this freedom of not needing any type of external substance to make me
feel a certain way you know I don't need anything
aside from meditation to help me relax you know I don't need anything to not
feel lonely or depressed aside from the love and support for my friends and
family speaking of friends and family one of the best parts about my sobriety
is that I have these people back in my lives you know what I mean my son has a
father you know my friends have a friend my girlfriend has a boyfriend
my mom my dad they have their son back my sister has her brother back these are
all people who came back into my life and they're they're very supportive but
it's not even just about life they're back in my life and they invite me over
to Christmas dinner and like that but they actually trust me now
you know what I mean they're not questioning what I'm doing um one of the
greatest gifts that I could ever give my own mother is that she doesn't have to
worry about getting a phone call like she did five-and-a-half years ago when I
first got clean I was laid up in the cardiac critical care unit here at a
hospital in Vegas and they called her and said hey you might want to come down
to Las Vegas because we don't think your son is gonna live tonight like my mom
does not have to worry about getting that phone call you know what I mean and
and that's that's probably the best gift I can give her aside from just you know
my recovery but other than that it's it's a beautiful thing that I'm somebody
I'm somebody that my family can actually turn to now so my mom is in recovery as
well she just celebrated 12 years sober just this last fall and she can turn to
me and we could talk recovery you know I lived this very selfish and
self-centered life throughout my addiction and even before my addiction I
lived such a selfish life where it's like oh that's your problem don't cook
don't be calling me about your problems but like now my mom can can actually
call me and today I was talking to my group about this at the treatments in
our work at like when my grandma passed away a couple years ago like my mom was
able to call me and talk to me and I was able to walk her through it and be
supportive for her right that's something I couldn't do when I was still
getting drunk or high um speaking of my grandma passing away like my grandma was
my number one she was my number one she was at the top of my list like when I
got clean I was like if anything happens to my grandma I'm gonna get high over it
like that's how I felt when I first got clean because I grew up you know my mom
was an alcoholic I had a family who I didn't feel like they really loved me or
cared about me at all but my grandma was always there my grandma made me feel
like I was the most important kid in the world and you know even though my
grandma passed away a couple years ago the greatest gift that I could have
given her was that she actually got to see her gram
be clean for you know a little over three years when she passed away and
like now I know that since she's gone at least she got to see that and man it's
difficult cuz I see a lot of people who keep relapsing or going in and out of
their addiction and they're losing their loved ones and their loved one never got
to see them clean and what they could have become and part of the reason I'm
even doing this video is to give you some hope that that you can do this
thing right but aside from that I would say one of the best parts about my
recovery is is that I don't want to die anymore like I don't want to die anymore
I want to live and that's why I try to live every day to my best ability that's
why I come here and I make these videos and stuff like that i time is my most
valuable asset we talked about it in the recovery community like we're living on
borrowed time and I take that seriously every single day like the people who are
close to me like they know this about me but my my window 4bs is very very small
like things that waste my time waste my energy I got I don't even give time to
him because life is so precious and I shouldn't even be alive today
but the the great thing that happened to me as a result of my recovery and I will
do another video about some of my first few months in recovery but I didn't want
to live when I first got clean like I was like what's the point of even
getting clean I'm still depressed I still want to die I don't have anything
right and something happened where it clicked it I was like wow like I don't
want to die anymore see back when I was using towards the end of my addiction
every single night I was going to sleep with a handful of pills and a bottle of
rum and I would just hope that I wouldn't wake up in the morning like if
there is a God please do not let me wake up tomorrow morning because I don't want
to live like this anymore and I found that there was no hope for me right and
every day I'd wake up sun shining in my window and I was like damn I gotta do
this again you know like I I just didn't want to live and something happened and
I realized that not only could I stay clean
but I can live this amazing life clean right a lot of people who meet me now
and see the smile on my face and even knowing that I struggle with depression
and anxiety they wouldn't realize how bad it
actually used to be so like I always tell people that you know especially the
newer people I mean and they're like what what's the best part about being
clean I'm like I don't want to die anymore you know and that is phenomenal
but the last thing the last thing that I talk about one of the best things aside
from not wanting to die that I get from my recovery is this thing called hope
hope hope hope hope most of my life like I didn't start drinking or using at all
I was about 18 years old but I can also say even before my addiction began from
the time I was a kid the little kid I had no hope no hope at all like my
entire life and it just got worse in my addiction everyday I was living a life
where basically my train of thought was no matter how bad my day was tomorrow's
gonna be just as bad or worse that's the way I live my life and like that's when
people like us get suicidal and we don't mind if we die because I had absolutely
no hope that tomorrow was gonna be a better day today I have hope no matter
how bad my day is no matter how bad my day is I still have hope I have hope
that when I go to sleep there is at least this much of a chance at least
that much of a chance that the next day will be better and that's something that
I never had for 27 years of my entire life
so now I have hope and you know shameless plug real quick with that's
actually why I titled my book right here that's why I titled it hope because like
if I had to describe my sobriety in one word it would just be hope so if you
want a copy of that book right there it's up on Amazon I think it's only like
four or five bucks it's an e-book but anyways anyways I just wanted to share
what it's like to be in sobriety after almost a decade of being an addiction so
I hope that this gave you some hope and you know leave comments down below
let me hear about your is in recovery if you're somebody who's
struggling with addiction leave a comment down below if you know somebody
who's struggling leave a comment down below no screw that if you know buddy
somebody who's struggling with addiction please share this video with it share
this video with that person to give them some hope and show them that it's
possible to get better alright anyways if you like this video do me a favor and
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hit that subscribe button because I'm always making videos about addiction
recovery a lot of stuff about mental health so check out some of the other
videos on this channel there's also a couple of thumbnails right to the left
of me with some other videos but anyways thanks so much for watching I'll see you
next time