- Get inside now! It's a severe storm.
(wind blowing)
(cymbal crash)
- Oh no! This episode of "Kid Nation" is called,
"Deal With It!"
And I am pretty sure they
all die in an apocalyptic kidnado catastrophe!
That's not something you'd put on TV is it?
Is it?
Welcome to Kid Nation.
One of the most insane reality TV shows ever made.
Where unaccompanied minors are driven to the middle
of the desert to build a society from scratch.
Cook for themselves, clean for themselves, run
their own economy and drink bleach for
themselves off camera.
Yep! That actually happened.
This show was so nuts, it leaves you wondering
is this
the worst reality show ever made?
In one of the most staged scenes in child
reality competition TV history, the kids
rage on soda at the saloon and wake up
too hung over to work or play their
arbitrary game that decides what class
they're in.
- Good morning wake up call.
- But that's cool with me cause I get to watch
the only thing better than Jared with something
to say.
Hung over Jared with something to say.
- Greg is cruel and non healing.
I got four hours of sleep!
Four!
- And to Jared's point, Greg is wreaking
havoc all over town.
The town council agrees that Gerald
from the fictional previous settlers
of Bonanza who, I don't know, disappeared
I guess.
Let's just say they ran out of food and all
ate each other.
Anyway the journal says they should institute
a curfew
and all eat each other.
Okay, just the first part but if they
don't figure out how to fix this town
cannabism is inevitable.
The council confronts Greg about being
an asshole and he's a real asshole about it.
- [Greg] I'm a village idiot?
You're the village idiot startin...
- You tell me right now
(garbled speech)
What elf...
- What else do you call me behind my back?
(air forced through the trachea)
- Violence makes me feel very uneasy.
- Same Alex, same...
(crashing noise)
(drum beat)
(violin strings)
(window being struck)
- So they impose a curfew.
Then Colton takes some friends hiking and shows
them how to scare wild bulls and chase them
away while the camera crews does nothing
to stop the near death experience
of three small children.
- Colton, back up man!
(bull snorts)
Colton back up!
(bull continues to warn with grunts)
Colton back up!
Stop man!
- [Colton] Shhh! Yawl wall!
- Just a quick thought, this is the worst
reality show ever made.
Yellow team has a flour fight instead
of cooking breakfast and eventually
makes one pan full of home fries
for the whole town.
- This is breakfast right here.
- Time to play a game to see whose
responsibility it will be
to make sure these kids get food
and sanitary toilets.
They round up a bunch of terrified sheep
with human names printed on them
and decide that responsibility will
go to a different configuration
of the kids themselves.
As always, I'll take bets now on
which episode will feature their
first cholera break out.
God, I hope they never have to deal with a deadly
pandemic that easily spreads in unsanitary environments.
Any show that puts a bunch of innocent
kids in a position like that
Would surely be the worst reality show
ever made?
Then again, that kind of thing
never happens, right?
Anyway, they earn a reward for the town
and choose between option one; a microwave.
(groan in to a scream)
- I've also thrown in, a barrel of cocoa.
(screaming children)
- [Jared] If we had a microwave, it would
take a lot easier to reheat something.
- Jared on point as always.
And option two;
- Forty five pizzas.
(children screaming)
- With every toping you can imagine.
- So the town council argues about what a microwave does.
- What would we cook in microwave?
- What?
Hash browns.
- We can't cook hash browns.
- Yes, you can cook anything in the microwave.
- After it's fried.
- And they choose the microwave.
So, everyone hates them immediately.
Damn man!
First these kids imposed a curfew.
Then they, "No, thankeds!" to sky high
stack of hot pizza.
Fake kid government sucks almost as much as
real adult government.
- [Taylor] President Bush today, he has to be like,
he's kinda bossy and like kinda mean some times.
Because if you want to run a country like we're runnin
this town, you have to be bossy to get people's
attention.
- Don't worry Taylor, Bush gets real nice later.
He paints pretty pictures and gives Michelle Obama
candy.
Everything's forgiven.
Hey let's reset and get back on track by watching Jared
carry too much water.
(carnival music)
- [Jared] Okay, not good.
Not good.
- Nice.
Next a huge wind storm comes which
something tells me the creators of this show
didn't exactly plan for when they
thought it was a great idea to throw
forty kids on a random former
wild west set in New Mexico.
But why plan for it when you can instead
create the worst reality show ever made?
You know, I'm glad that instead of burying
this footage they decided to do the honorable
thing and stage a melodramatic adventure
scene straight out of a disaster movie
except with kids.
And without out any of the safe guards
of a proper movie set.
=This is unbearable.
(yelling)
(dramatic music)
(child screaming)
(wind blowing)
(child continuing to scream)
- (garbled speech)
- Get in!
Get in!
Come on!
- Don't worry, they all survive and put
the outhouses back up.
- [Cody] Today, I got too much dirt in my eyes
and I still haven't gotten it out.
I don't like the weather here.
I really like to go back and see all my friends,
and my family.
- Well, tough shit, Cody.
You've got a job to do as a pawn
in a reality TV show where CBS
manipulates you and all your little
friends for our amusement.
What are you nine?
Come on!
Oh, you are?
Well, fuck me then I guess.
At the town hall meeting everyone complains
that the town council sucks and Taylor
doesn't do any work.
- [Taylor] We earned upper class and I don't care
if people are mad at us or not.
- Uh oh!
Taylor be careful.
You're gonna get canceled.
- Being upper class does not give you the right
to be queen.
- [Taylor] Well, I can say I'm a pageant queen
but...the upper class is king and queen
of the jobs and all.
And they can do what they want.
- Oh no Taylor!
Taylor don't say that.
- Taylor, I'm getting a little bit tired
with "deal with it."
- Oh no, Taylor got canceled.
Taylor cries and apologizes
and cancel culture solves everything
as always.
The frat guy who smells like ham
leads the town in their weekly confirmation
that they are the willing participants
in this televised mass kidnapping
and then moves on to what he says is
the most important part of the show,
the money.
That they're waving in front of these kids
as a carrot to do what they want them to do.
Plus, the kids are all excited to find out who
gets to talk to their family.
Oooh, hey, maybe this is the worst reality show
ever made?
Anyway, Mallory wins it.
Which frankly is the right decision because
Mallory is objectively awesome.
- [Mallory] I don't think I'll ever forget this
birthday because I mean, I won the golden star,
I'm gonna get to call home and talk
to my parents and I'm in New Mexico!
- Damn, she should get another $20k just
for that New Mexico tourism ad.
She runs and calls her parents who
comment on how funny it is that
the school bus drives right by their house every morning.
Oh yeah, these kids are doing this instead
of school.
Cool!
I guess!
She returns to the saloon to cheers from
the rest of the kid pioneers.
They all celebrate the victory and also
that they didn't end up dying
in that tornado.
Cheers!
Don't worry, that was just episode three!
Every episode of this series drove me
more insane than the last and hopefully
it will ruin your life too.
And that what makes it the best worst
reality show ever made!
I love you and we're in this together.