The Art Of Saying No
So you go to a concert because your friends said it would be fun…
But regret eats you up as you head to work early the next day with a sore throat and a pounding hangover.
"I should've just stayed home", you say.
The Fear Of Missing Out, or FOMO, is not just a fun hashtag.
In fact, it was added to the Oxford English dictionary in 2013 -- FOMO is real!
Even at work, you might have a co-worker who always asks you to cover their shift,
or a boss who dumps extra assignments on you.
Either way, the fear of being labeled as a "lazy worker" or "not a team player" keeps you from standing your ground.
So, you take on the job at the expense of your own well-being.
If you are a people-pleasing yes-man, and you are tired of spreading yourself thin, then it's time to say "no."
Learn how to, with this short video...
The Right Time To Say "No"
How do you differentiate between challenging yourself and biting off more than you can chew?
Here are 4 times it is O.K. to say N.O.
4. When You Want A Break
In our "hustle" culture, labels like "Supermom" and "Workaholic" are worn like a badge of honor.
You might have a neighbor who wakes up at 5 am to fix healthy lunches for her family.
Then she drops the kids to school, manages her own business, and still finds time to take part in the bake sale.
Or you may know a classmate from high school who bought their own house before they turned 30
simply by working 48 hours a day.
With such people around, needing a break once in a while leads to guilt and low self-esteem.
However, remember that humans are not robots,
and frequent burn-out can lead to chronic stress and other health risks.
So, say no to being productive around the clock -- it's for your health!
3. When You Don't Have Time
Maybe you overbook yourself often.
If your daily to-do list is always as long as a weekly grocery list, perhaps, it's time to start saying no.
With housework, work-work, working out, among other things
you already have a lot on your plate.
For instance, say you promised to be at a colleague's baby shower during the day,
a dinner party in the evening, and you also have to work on a research paper through the night.
Quantity definitely doesn't mean quality
whether you are talking about the quality of your work or quality time spent with friends and family.
2. When You Are Afraid Of Their Reaction
Do you often find yourself loaning money to a freeloading friend,
even though you know the money will never be seen again?
If yes, then stop and think about why you continue this pattern.
Perhaps, you are afraid to confront them about their habits.
Or you tell yourself, "This is the kind of person that I am."
Being used by so-called friends is as bad as being exploited at work.
So, cut your friend off to prevent growing resentment and show them that you demand respect.
Maybe in not so many words; a simple "No" will suffice.
1. Whenever You Want To
At the end of the day, there are no set rules of when you should say no.
In fact, when it comes to saying "No," forget society's expectations of what you "should" do.
Replace "should" with "could" -- after all, it's your choice to make!
And that's what you should remember.
How To Say No Without Making Enemies
4. Buy Some Time
People-pleasers tend to blurt "yes" at the spur of the moment.
Instead, you can practice saying phrases, such as,
"I will have to check my schedule" or "Can I get back to you later?"
This gives you time to analyze, to draw up pros and cons lists,
and to rehearse how to turn them down graciously if, in fact, you choose to decline a request.
And, don't say "maybe", if you mean "no."
Even better, you can be more specific and ask, "Can I tell you tonight by 9:00 pm?"
Honor your words and be polite
thoughtfulness and valuing people's time always serves as a good cushion for the rejection that might follow.
3. Start Small
Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness at your door,
or people stopping you in the middle of the street to ask for a generous donation to their organization.
Or, perhaps, it's a retail worker asking you to become a gold member at their store.
Use these opportunities to practice turning people down firmly but politely -- without making any excuses.
After all, no means no -- and you shouldn't have to explain why.
2. The Power Of "However"
"However" creates the sweet spot between explaining yourself too much,
and a snappy-sounding "no."
For instance, if you are on a date and realize that sparks are not flying,
simply end the night with "I had a great time; however, I think we should see other people."
Or you can tell your manager, "I can't work on this assignment today; however, I can do it next Friday."
1. Setting Boundaries
It's pretty common to have a smaller social circle as we get older.
Why? Because instead of others, you put your own priorities first.
Learning to say "no" to people might make you lose friends along the way
and that's okay.
After all, any strong relationship should be able to take the weight of a small "no" from time to time.
So, sit down and draw boundaries of what you are willing to accept and who you are willing to help.
Some might say “Oh No! You have changed” and leave.
Others might say “Wow! You have changed!” and respect you more.
So, are you a people-pleaser or a you-pleaser?
Leave your answer in the comments down below!
But only if you want to.
If not, move on to our next video! [6:16] (Only if you want to)