- [Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- I was engaging in my addiction
and I looked up and saw the police
and that was the moment.
I am on the path to destroying my life.
(somber music)
- [Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- Oh.
- Whoa, big question.
- Wow, getting personal.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever hit rock bottom?
- When I was 16, I wrote my own will
because I was really sick in high school
and I didn't know if I was gonna get better.
I think back and I'm like, it's so sad
that I had to do that.
- [Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- Mm, I've lived in a shelter before
with my kids.
- Homelessness, I will sum it up that way.
Human beings are human beings.
Everyone deserves a place to sleep and eat
and wash their clothes and wash their body.
- [ Interviewer 1] When were you at your lowest?
- Probably would just be
having depression during pregnancy.
- When I placed a lot of pressure on myself to do well.
- When my dog died a couple years ago
'cause he was my best friend.
Just felt wrong not having him around.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever hit rock bottom?
- Yes. - Yes.
- Oh yeah. - Emotionally yeah.
- I feel we hit rock bottoms
multiple times in our life.
- [ Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- I used to be addicted to Xanax
so that was a lot of, it was several rock bottoms
over the course of a couple of years.
- I realized that I was
on a two-year alcohol binge.
- I hit rock bottom around the time my mom died
and I quit my job and I was drinking a lot.
- I was engaging in my addiction
and I looked up and saw the police
in a place that they had no business being
so I knew they were watching me.
Started my car and drove away
and nearly had a heart attack.
I mean, my goodness.
And and that was the moment.
I am on the path to destroying my life.
- [Interviewer 2] Have you ever hit rock bottom
in your life?
- No. - No.
- If I hit rock bottom, then take me out right now.
- [ Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- It was a breakup.
- A breakup.
- I had just gotten out of a relationship.
- I really liked this guy and he cheated on me.
I really thought that he really loved me too.
- I didn't really know what to do with myself.
- Got pretty depressed.
- Just kept getting worse and worse.
- My self-esteem was just so low.
- I don't know what it would be like
if I didn't go through it,
but now that I have,
I have a way different perspective on relationships.
- I was brainwashed by my abuser
to think about the world in a different way.
- I didn't really know who I was anymore.
- 'Cause he was verbally abusive
and it kinda started turning into physical abuse.
But then I ditched his ass.
- [ Interviewer 1] That's good. I'm glad you left.
- Yes.
- [Interviewer ] 3 Where is he now?
- In hell, I don't know.
- I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager.
- I think one of the worst things after the fact
was everywhere around school talking about it.
- I was roofied and then raped.
I had to go get my kit done.
And during your rape kit they do make sure
that everything's fine and everything was not fine.
That person had left some things behind.
I'll never forget that moment.
It was the worst moment of my life,
so yeah. - That's terrible.
- [Interviewer 1] What was your rock bottom?
- Oh. - Oh. (chuckles)
- Fuck, man.
- Rock bottom. (chuckles)
- [Interviewer 1] It's a tough question to ask.
What was your rock bottom?
- Beginning of COVID?
- During the pandemic.
- Right around when the pandemic was kinda taking hold.
- I lost three jobs.
- Didn't really know what I wanted to do
with my life after that.
- It was definitely very lonely.
- I was just uncertain
about the stage of my life and where I was.
- [Interviewer 1] How did you move away from that space?
- Surround myself with good people.
- I always knew that I could rely on my friends
and my loved ones to help me get my way back.
- [Interviewer 1] How have you moved through this?
- Therapy.
- To work on my mental and physical health.
- Nice to have someone to talk to
that you just don't know on an intimate level.
- I started medication for anti-depression.
- Once I got past that and learned self-talk
and showing yourself grace is important,
I was able to come up out of that and I'm here today.
- [Interviewer 2] Do you think you've ever hit rock bottom?
- No. - No.
- I've lived a pretty good life.
- I'm really privileged and I have a lot of resources.
- I think I hit rock bottom junior year of high school
'cause that's when I attempted to take my life.
- When I was working on a paper route.
I would have to drive over a couple of bridges
and there were a few nights
where I was like, you know,
I think I'd rather just drive off this bridge tonight
instead of going and doing my job.
It was really bad. (chuckles)
- Just wanted to be done.
- You know in that mindset,
you're very, you think that you're not deserving.
- There were times where my mom thought
she needed to take me to the hospital
because she didn't think that I was going to keep myself
alive through the night.
- I was isolated physically
and I was isolating myself emotionally
because I knew I was a really awful, awful person
to be around.
- [Interviewer 1] Do you have advice for somebody
who is in a low point?
- Show up for yourself?
- Let's focus on one good thing at a time.
- I'm motivated to keep doing things for myself.
- Finding those new people that support you.
- And just having people that liked me
for exactly who I was really helped.
- I started looking for the good things
that I can control in life.
- I think I'm kind of getting some of that stuff worked out.
- Feels good. It feels very in motion.
- And now I realize just how quick
you can dig yourself into a hole
if you don't keep track of yourself first.
- Bad things exist all the time
and if you pay attention to that,
it will never get better.