I can't believe you ruined our party.
What? You ruined the party!
Are you serious?
You were a complete freak from
the moment you opened the door!
Helloo!!
(Allison: Oh god, please don't kiss them.)
[kiss noises]
(A: He's being too desperate.)
I thought no one would come!
(Lisa) Hi!
[Igor screaming in excitement]
(A: Oh, here comes the coat thing.)
Woah! What's this coat thing?
How do I get this moving?
(Igor) Oh no...
Steve: Okay...
Come on!
People love the coat thing.
People hate the coat thing!
It hurts their arms!
At least I'm not a complete b*tch!
[GASP...]
[cat shriek]
[...SP]
I'm sorry, but you ruined the party
with your weird, withdrawn attitude.
(Igor: Why isn't she greeting people?
No, no, she wanted a hug, not a drink!)
(I: Why are you treating your cousin
like a businessman?)
[laughs]
Oh, that's a great bit man!
(I: Do you hate people?)
Hey!
I was going to look for ice!
Enough with the ice!
[sound of ice falling into a glass]
[gong sound]
All I'm saying is that if you had gotten
the ice like you said you would,
maybe the party wouldn't have been ruined.
You know what ruined the party?
Your stupid, exclusive guest list.
People like to feel VIP.
Invitations need to matter.
But they didn't matter, did they?
Somebody having a party without ME?
(A: Who invited weird Shannon?
I bet she heard about it from Igor!
That guy can't keep his mouth shut.)
(A: She's making every one uncomfortable!)
(Shannon) Hey! Long time no see!
(A: Didn't she date Lisa?
(A: What are we throwing,
a run-into-your-ex party?
No one wants that!)
(Shannon) Alright.
[Allison sniffs]
(A: What is that smell?)
You have no way of proving she farted.
The apartment smelled bad all night.
Of course you would defend Shannon.
You invited her behind my back.
[GASP] [fart sound...]
[moan]
[...fart sound]
Stop farting! You've done enough damage.
I'm not the one who insisted on a
party so secret it hurt people's feelings.
Is someone having a party without me?
(I: Oh no!
I knew we should've made the event public.)
(I: If Shannon knows, everyone knows,
and they're going to hate me!)
It's so weird...
(I: And Lisa is texting Mark,
and he's with Ben,
and now I can't go to trivia night.)
[Allison sniffs]
(I: There's no way she
could've smelled that from here.)
[fart sound]
Seriously, stop farting.
I can't stop!
Oh, like you couldn't stop
fucking Lisa right in front of me?
[Double GASP]
[bell toll]
I didn't fuck Lisa!
Well you might as well have!
Who flirts with another girl
in front of their girlfriend?
It makes everyone so uncomfortable.
[flirting]
Woah, is this a new...cheek?
[Lisa laughs]
(Igor) I love that!
(A: What is he doing?
Oh god, now everyone feels bad for me.
I need to look like I don't care!)
How's your drink?
It's lukewarm.
(A: Rob sucks.)
(Lisa) Igor!
[surprised sounds]
I was being polite.
She spilled wine on her shirt.
Did Rob spill a beer on his dick?
[awkward pause]
What?
I thought you were going to gasp.
What!?
[monkey sounds]
I didn't touch Rob!
Maybe not with your hands!
[giggling]
So, you having a good time at the party, or like...?
(I: Why was Rob invited? We barely know him.)
[more giggling]
(I: Ohhh, she has a crush on him!
Oh this is so sad. Rob sucks!
I should save her.)
Excuse me, I gotta...
(I: O-o-oh whoopsie! Whoopsie!)
So you did grab her boob!
Only to contain the spill!
If you like Lisa so much,
why don't you marry her?
I can't, because I'm marrying YOU!
[more GASP]
[sound of baby talking]
How are we going to throw a wedding if we
completely ruined our engagement party?
You said it was a regular party,
with a side of engagement!
Well, I lied!
And you should have made the toast earlier.
[Igor internally screams]
(A: OK. It's clearly time.
Let's make that toast.)
You guys ever done a little...
(A: Use your words,
no one understands your dancing!)
Congratulations on your engagement!
You know I once asked Lisa to marry me,
but she thought I was kidding.
That's nice. Do you think now would be
a good time to make a toast?
Ooh, absolutely!
I brought champagne, I'll go pour it.
Guys.
(A: Finally!)
[glass clinking]
Woah, this is real glass! Who knew?
Let's make a toast!
[record scratch] Why do you always do that?
The toast would have happened eventually.
Not that it matters,
because you RUINED it!
["oh shit" sound]
[burp sound]
How did I ruin the toast?
So glad you asked!
(I: Allison's clearly having an episode.
Gotta lighten the mood.
This is always a good goof!)
[clinking] Oh, its real glass!
[laughter]
(Allison) WE HAVE TO MAKE A TOAST! NOW!!
(Igor) I love love...
(I: I'm crushing this toast.
Allison is so lucky to have me.)
...Amen.
That was it!?
(Allison) What? It was a lame toast.
Everyone would back me up
if they weren't dead.
[GASP]
I keep forgetting.
Hmm, I don't. All of our friends are dead.
EPISODE 9 [children giggling]
How are we going to clean this up?
I cooked, you clean...
Stop talking!
["Oh my God!" sound]
You guys are driving me insane!
How are you still alive?
Is this a prank video?
Oh she's dead, give it up!
(Shannon) Everyone should be dead,
but you guys ruined everything!
(S: I see, somebody is having
a party without me.
Ooh, that's a good line, I should use that.)
...party without ME?
[laughter]
(S: There she is!)
["Dun dun dun" sound effect]
Why is everybody so obsessed with Lisa?
Sorry, you were saying
how you murdered everybody...?
["'suh dude" sound]
So you admit it! You did murder everyone!
Yeah, obviously!
You guys threw a terrible party without me,
so I poisoned the champagne
to punish Lisa and everyone she loves!
I knew it!
But you guys didn't drink the champagne.
(Shannon) You were too busy arguing!
(Allison) That's your speech, for our engagement party?!
Are you kidding me?!
That's all you can say about your future wife?!
[coughing and dying sounds, with more arguing in background]
Yeah no, fuck you! Fuck you!
(Igor) Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking great!
Now I'm not a relationship expert,
but you two probably shouldn't get married.
Not that you can now, anyways,
'cause I'm definitely going to kill ya.
[sound of ice bag hitting Shannon's face]
[GASP]
(Igor) Where did you get that!?
Oh, I had it the whole time.
I was just mad because the ice
was your responsibility.
You HAD IT the WHOLE TIME?!
YOU RUINED THE PARTY!
Half of these people are YOUR friends!
(Igor) I want a divorce!
We're not married.
(Igor) Oh, that's right.
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